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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I (23F) met this guy on hinge 1 month ago, (25M) and things have been going great but…

145 replies

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

OP posts:
KitsyWitsy · 18/11/2025 15:42

He probably is losing interest because you aren't progressing things. 5 weeks and still no sex? I'd have lost interest too.

WinterBerry40 · 18/11/2025 15:45

Many years older than you , and been in a relationship decades , but yes I think you are expecting a little bit too much .
There are many different types of men , and they all have different ways of showing their affections ( call it love language if you like )

How would you like it if he told you are exactly like his old gf ?
I'm guessing not much !
Allow him to be him , you are not still with your past relationships for a reason .

Ilovemychocolate · 18/11/2025 15:45

If he really really liked you…you would know.

cestlavielife · 18/11/2025 15:48

Talks through the movie. Dump him .
(Well you were as well incredibly annoying for other movie goers!)
If you need x amount of time or x dates before sex then tell him so. He will wait or not and you know where you are.
Why go for someone who
lives an hour and a half away

TaupeRaven · 18/11/2025 15:49

I honestly can't work out what more you want after three dates? (Other than sex, obviously, which would be entirely reasonable at this point IMO)

DropOfffArtiste · 18/11/2025 15:50

If you want to be exclusive before you have sex, you can just say that. "I really like you and fancy you but I'd like to be in a relationship before taking things further."

MatchaMatchaMatcha · 18/11/2025 15:53

DropOfffArtiste · 18/11/2025 15:50

If you want to be exclusive before you have sex, you can just say that. "I really like you and fancy you but I'd like to be in a relationship before taking things further."

Most helpful answer. I really dislike those that imply you should shag after 3 dates or move on, there should never be any societal pressure to sleep with someone at a certain point

Dacatspjs · 18/11/2025 16:08

I don't mind men paying on dates, but I do try and keep it equal, so they pay for one, I pay for one. It sounds like you're letting him do everything, in terms of paying and chasing but then not giving much back. He's probably losing interest because he doesn't know where he stands. Are you interested or stringing him along as a meal ticket?

Batoutofhellish · 18/11/2025 16:17

I do wonder why you are letting him pay for everything. In this day and age it’s wrong . Otherwise you should have sex only when you want to. If he pays for everything it’s sending the wrong message.

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 16:21

Agree with others I’m not sure what you’re expecting after 3 dates and tbh you sound rather entitled.

Hes paying for everything which isn’t really on and you seem to expect him to read your mind.

Absolutely keep your boundaries high but be realistic and realise it’s a 2 way street. You need to give as well as take

And if previous men have showered you with compliments this early, that’s a red flag to potential love bombing

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:24

That is true but I would assume someone that is looking for a relationship doesn’t mind waiting a little bit. He even said that other girls have made him wait in the past.

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:25

You do have a point yes thank you… Maybe I will need to stop overthinking and just give him a chance to be himself. It’s different these days.

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:27

I completely get where you’re coming from and I may have forgotten to mention that he actually insists on paying for everything… I always express gratitude to him and I’m not entitled. I much rather just spending time with him. I just wanna know where we stand. And perhaps I’m a little insecure with how he feels for me because of previous experience

OP posts:
SillyJilly2020 · 18/11/2025 16:27

Just ask him if he is dating other people. Then you can ask if he wants to make it exclusive. You will get your answer

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:28

That is very true…

OP posts:
ldnmusic87 · 18/11/2025 16:28

I think you need to communicate clearer.

TaupeRaven · 18/11/2025 16:28

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:24

That is true but I would assume someone that is looking for a relationship doesn’t mind waiting a little bit. He even said that other girls have made him wait in the past.

His "made me wait" thing sounds a bit gross on his part, tbh. It's not his God-given right.

You most certainly don't owe him sex and shouldn't be pressured into it. I only mentioned sex because there's no reason why you shouldn't if you want to, but I honestly can't figure out what more you want from a 'relationship' that consists of three dates

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:28

I think that’s something I do have to bring up on the fourth date… There’s all these tricks and tips on lying about keeping your guard up but I think I just need to be honest at this point. Thank you.

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:30

I mean, I have asked him what he’s intentions are and he told me “if you’re having doubts at this point that’s not a good sign”!and that “he’s already told me his intentions.” But I just want to hear it clearly.

OP posts:
MaplePumpkin · 18/11/2025 16:30

Did he suck your boob in the cinema?

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:32

Yes maybe I’m a little bit delusional😅… I think I’ve just been stung in the past and it’s something I do need to work on. I am aware maybe I’m asking for too much but I think I’d just like him at this point and when I do, I typically self sabotage. I definitely want to sleep with him soon though I’m just cautious… And he actually insists on paying all of the dates.

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:33

Not at all, as mentioned in my previous comments I should have stated in my original post that he actually insists on paying for all of the dates… And he insists on coming to my hometown even though I’ve suggested multiple times to meet up in London, which is closer to him… I think he knows that I want a relationship with him because I had the clarity talk with him the other day. I’m not someone that needs their meals bought for them, but I do appreciate when he does.

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:34

No, in his car🤣🤣

OP posts:
WinterBerry40 · 18/11/2025 16:41

Because you are answering questions without pressing quote , your replies are a little confusing . Try linking to the ones you are answering.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:44

WinterBerry40 · 18/11/2025 16:41

Because you are answering questions without pressing quote , your replies are a little confusing . Try linking to the ones you are answering.

Ahh gotcha, it’s my first time on here, thank you!

OP posts:
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