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I (23F) met this guy on hinge 1 month ago, (25M) and things have been going great but…

145 replies

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

OP posts:
LadySuzanne · 18/11/2025 17:59

"whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours..."

He's a plumber.

Do you honestly expect him to down tools in the middle of a what might be a tricky job to text you back?

Have you never watched a plumber working?

You sound hard work.

fishtank12345 · 18/11/2025 18:04

KitsyWitsy · 18/11/2025 15:42

He probably is losing interest because you aren't progressing things. 5 weeks and still no sex? I'd have lost interest too.

Within 3 dates?

fishtank12345 · 18/11/2025 18:06

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:12

Ah what a shame, so for him it was purely sexual from the offset it sounds like

Be very careful with this guy now...what if you sleep with him and he stops texting? How will that affect you ?

NovemberRedHolly · 18/11/2025 18:07

My male friends used to always tell me the ones who are full on from the word go can’t maintain it so when it settles to a normal level you get thrown off because you’re used to their high effort level.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:11

Ringonrighthand · 18/11/2025 17:58

OP I do wonder if his insistence on meeting you near yours all the time means he isn’t “technically” single, have you spoken on the phone/facetime in the evening when he is at home so you can see where he is? I say this because it happened to me and after 4 dates I insisted on going to his area and lo and behold got dumped as his wife wouldn’t haven’t liked that!

Yeah I get it. But he lives at home with his teen brother and parents. Been out of a relationship for a year and as a chronically suspicious/ worrying person, I’m sure he’s not hiding anything

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:13

NovemberRedHolly · 18/11/2025 18:07

My male friends used to always tell me the ones who are full on from the word go can’t maintain it so when it settles to a normal level you get thrown off because you’re used to their high effort level.

That’s very true, however he’s not been full on at all, maybe I’m used to more intensity due to my past relationships

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 18:13

fishtank12345 · 18/11/2025 18:04

Within 3 dates?

Yep. Apparently there’s this ‘3 date rule’ been made up to pressure women into having sex before they’re feeling it otherwise the men lose interest.

And tbh most of them still hump and dump anyway as they’re juggling various dates.

The grim realities of modern dating

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:14

fishtank12345 · 18/11/2025 18:06

Be very careful with this guy now...what if you sleep with him and he stops texting? How will that affect you ?

I would definitely spiral. Idk how I could more than now though 🤣 there seems to be no solution to this until we see eachother again

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:15

LadySuzanne · 18/11/2025 17:59

"whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours..."

He's a plumber.

Do you honestly expect him to down tools in the middle of a what might be a tricky job to text you back?

Have you never watched a plumber working?

You sound hard work.

Well I don’t know as I’ve obviously never dated one before. I’m clearly just trying to give this thread a little subtext so that everyone can get the full picture. Me worrying about where this is heading doesn’t make me “hard work” because I care.

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:18

BauhausOfEliott · 18/11/2025 17:53

He's travelled a long way to see you three times, he's told you that you're beautiful, you've had a couple of steamy encounters and you've told each other you think about each other when you touch yourselves, and you think he's not interested in you because he's not super effusive and doesn't seem 'obsessed' in his texts?

You're massively overthinking this. He's just not great with words, is all.

I'm not really sure why you haven't just shagged him to be honest. Maybe it will turn into a relationship, maybe it won't, but you find him attractive and even if it doesn't turn into a relationship you'll have had a nice night with him.

You are right, I should definitely stop sweating the small stuff and take it easy. I’ve just been stung in the past and it makes it feel like the end of something good when his replies are even ever so slightly off. I’ll keep an open mind, thank you!

OP posts:
pawsatively · 18/11/2025 18:34

A 25 year old plumber really said ‘whose energy do you think carries more’?!?

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:47

pawsatively · 18/11/2025 18:34

A 25 year old plumber really said ‘whose energy do you think carries more’?!?

I don’t get it. I’m a FA so it’s not like I’m not doing well for myself?

OP posts:
PinkTonic · 18/11/2025 18:56

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:12

you think sex at 5 weeks is rushing? i grew up different, if a girl has not gone past 2nd base after all this, I am losing interest.

The point is, he invests so much for 2 months then you get to the deed and it's BS, then what?

how would it be BS if you really fancy each other?

NowStartingOver · 18/11/2025 19:10

I can definitely understand why he wouldn't want to take someone out on a date in Romford. London is obviously a much better area, but then again most places are when compared to Romford.

NowStartingOver · 18/11/2025 19:14

If you don't like the response time of messages then meet up more often in person! Seriously the obsession and politics around messaging really bores me, it's an artificial way of communication and too often messages are read in the wrong way because they lack emotion, human cues etc.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:26

NowStartingOver · 18/11/2025 19:14

If you don't like the response time of messages then meet up more often in person! Seriously the obsession and politics around messaging really bores me, it's an artificial way of communication and too often messages are read in the wrong way because they lack emotion, human cues etc.

True! However there’s only so much I can do as he’s a plumber, he’s not available as much but he does make time when he has it which I appreciate. It’s just tricky as I feel his interest pivoting

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:27

NowStartingOver · 18/11/2025 19:10

I can definitely understand why he wouldn't want to take someone out on a date in Romford. London is obviously a much better area, but then again most places are when compared to Romford.

Yeah let’s hope he will be down for that! Thank you

OP posts:
MrsPrendergast · 18/11/2025 19:28

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:23

That makes sense, I’m getting that you’re thinking I should put more effort into showing him I like him too? Hence why his drier replies after date 3?

You think?!!! Poor guy. He's paid for everything, made lots of effort but because he isn't totally en pointe, you're getting needy and stressed
🙄

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:40

MrsPrendergast · 18/11/2025 19:28

You think?!!! Poor guy. He's paid for everything, made lots of effort but because he isn't totally en pointe, you're getting needy and stressed
🙄

No need for the tone. Obviously I just needed a bit of guidance and reassurance because I do like him and am willing to pull my weight a little to see what could happen. We’re all just figuring it out 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 18/11/2025 19:45

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:40

No need for the tone. Obviously I just needed a bit of guidance and reassurance because I do like him and am willing to pull my weight a little to see what could happen. We’re all just figuring it out 🤷‍♀️

Good on you for standing your ground against the "why aren't you fucking him already, the poor poor man" crowd.

If he's rushing you - and YOU and only YOU gets to decide what rushing looks like - he's wrong for you.

PlaceIntheClouds · 18/11/2025 19:48

KitsyWitsy · 18/11/2025 15:42

He probably is losing interest because you aren't progressing things. 5 weeks and still no sex? I'd have lost interest too.

Snap.

He might think you are one of those serial daters who like being wined and dined but does not want anything further.

How about you offer to take him out and pay? It might show him you are not using him.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:50

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 18/11/2025 19:45

Good on you for standing your ground against the "why aren't you fucking him already, the poor poor man" crowd.

If he's rushing you - and YOU and only YOU gets to decide what rushing looks like - he's wrong for you.

Honestly, thank you for this!! It’s like a breath of fresh air and I was starting to feel guilty. But realistically if he’s in it for real then waiting wouldn’t have made him turn as dry as he is now👏

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:51

PlaceIntheClouds · 18/11/2025 19:48

Snap.

He might think you are one of those serial daters who like being wined and dined but does not want anything further.

How about you offer to take him out and pay? It might show him you are not using him.

Edited

Yeah I guess I could, pay day is approaching so…

OP posts:
AmyDuPlantier · 18/11/2025 19:57

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/11/2025 16:45

On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more”

What does that even mean??

I'm only 52 and I feel like Gen Z speaks an entirely different language, which is possibly why you're having so much trouble understanding each other.

Honestly I read the whole post like….is this how people talk on dates?!? 🤣

I’m in my 40s and I just chat shit about music and stuff, seems to work just fine.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 18/11/2025 20:01

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:50

Honestly, thank you for this!! It’s like a breath of fresh air and I was starting to feel guilty. But realistically if he’s in it for real then waiting wouldn’t have made him turn as dry as he is now👏

For a LOT of people, sex is an intimate act that you only do when you trust someone. That takes time, sometimes a LOT. Boundaries around sex are really important.

Don't let other people tell you what "should" work for you.

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