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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I (23F) met this guy on hinge 1 month ago, (25M) and things have been going great but…

145 replies

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

OP posts:
SilverPink · 18/11/2025 20:11

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:14

I got an icky feeling about the groping and sucking in the car 🤢

Well, there was groping and sucking in cars back in the 90s, but it certainly wasn’t with the lads you wanted an exclusive relationship with.

MrsPrendergast · 18/11/2025 20:13

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 19:40

No need for the tone. Obviously I just needed a bit of guidance and reassurance because I do like him and am willing to pull my weight a little to see what could happen. We’re all just figuring it out 🤷‍♀️

Probably best to pull your weight 50%.

Arrivederla · 18/11/2025 20:31

MrsPrendergast · 18/11/2025 20:13

Probably best to pull your weight 50%.

Exactly this!

RMAC67 · 18/11/2025 20:43

I think you may as well just do the deed at this stage, and then see how it goes after that. Some people are not great at text chat, but I don’t think that’s a red flag. Actions speak louder than words.

I will also say that if someone really likes you,
you know it and don’t question it.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 20:47

Arrivederla · 18/11/2025 20:31

Exactly this!

i understand but how do you think I can do this?

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 20:50

RMAC67 · 18/11/2025 20:43

I think you may as well just do the deed at this stage, and then see how it goes after that. Some people are not great at text chat, but I don’t think that’s a red flag. Actions speak louder than words.

I will also say that if someone really likes you,
you know it and don’t question it.

Yeah you have a point, either way it’s going to sting not knowing or him just bailing either way. It’s true with both my ex’s I didn’t question it for a second. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but thank you

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 18/11/2025 21:01

It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

So you go for the same trip of guy every time - How’s that working for you?

medievalpenny · 18/11/2025 21:04

On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more”

Could someone please take pity on me and explain what the bloody hell this means? Even Google AI was stumped.

medievalpenny · 18/11/2025 21:05

Anyway, op I am intrigued to know what prompted you to join MN to ask for dating advice?

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 21:16

medievalpenny · 18/11/2025 21:05

Anyway, op I am intrigued to know what prompted you to join MN to ask for dating advice?

chat gp suggested and I saw the subject “relationships” so I thought I’d give it a go🤣🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 21:16

medievalpenny · 18/11/2025 21:04

On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more”

Could someone please take pity on me and explain what the bloody hell this means? Even Google AI was stumped.

Oh lol hahah it’s like “whose personality” x

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 21:17

Silvertulips · 18/11/2025 21:01

It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

So you go for the same trip of guy every time - How’s that working for you?

Clearly not very well lol

OP posts:
RMAC67 · 18/11/2025 21:18

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 20:50

Yeah you have a point, either way it’s going to sting not knowing or him just bailing either way. It’s true with both my ex’s I didn’t question it for a second. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but thank you

I dated a few men like this. I always had a great time with them, but then I questioned whether they really liked me. They always turned out to be not worth the stress!

You’re still very young. Enjoy dating, don’t put pressure on yourself, and the right person will find you.

medievalpenny · 18/11/2025 21:25

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 21:16

Oh lol hahah it’s like “whose personality” x

Carries more what though?! Confused

I feel 112 years old.

medievalpenny · 18/11/2025 21:26

That aside, if you are looking for a relationship, doesn't he live a bit far away?

HingedBroccoli · 18/11/2025 21:29

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:07

I know, it’s just me getting tied up in my own thoughts as per usual🥲 however since there’s 3rd date his replies are getting a little shorter so idk what to think at the moment

Have your texts to him changed tone? Are they longer and more emotionally driven?

You're right to hold out, but I'm curious, why are you so eager to put a label on it?

You said the conversation flows when you're together. What do you talk about? Does he talk about his home/family/friends? Does he ask you about yours?

(As a sidenote, If anybody text me 'wuu2' I wouldn't bother to respond - friend or potential).

Arrivederla · 18/11/2025 21:29

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 20:47

i understand but how do you think I can do this?

He seems to have totally taken control of everything - don't just offer to pay half and the back down immediately when he says no... he doesn't get to 'insist' on how the relationship is run. Stand your ground! Don't be so passive!

If he doesn't like that then he probably isn't the one for you.

Solenoid · 18/11/2025 21:29

DropOfffArtiste · 18/11/2025 15:50

If you want to be exclusive before you have sex, you can just say that. "I really like you and fancy you but I'd like to be in a relationship before taking things further."

This. Obviously.

There's no rule book setting out who should say what - are you under the impression that in heterosexual relationships it has to be the man who says certain things? That's an exhausting way to live!

You've nothing to lose - if he isn't interested in exclusivity when you tell him then it doesn't matter, you barely know him, just move on.

LadySuzanne · 18/11/2025 21:36

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:15

Well I don’t know as I’ve obviously never dated one before. I’m clearly just trying to give this thread a little subtext so that everyone can get the full picture. Me worrying about where this is heading doesn’t make me “hard work” because I care.

I wasn't referring to your worrying about where this relationship is heading.

I was referring to your concern that this man takes 3 hours to respond to your texts when he's working.

Do you really expect him to stop and reply to your texts when he might be working on pipework in a customer's loft or lying flat on his back under someone's sink struggling to get a tap out or dealing with a water leak?

Have you no idea at all what tradesmen do and how they work?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 18/11/2025 21:55

RMAC67 · 18/11/2025 20:43

I think you may as well just do the deed at this stage, and then see how it goes after that. Some people are not great at text chat, but I don’t think that’s a red flag. Actions speak louder than words.

I will also say that if someone really likes you,
you know it and don’t question it.

"you may as well just do the deed at this stage"

Why? This seems so joyless :(

Justwrong68 · 18/11/2025 22:53

If you let him pay for everything and drive everything that happens, you’re giving him all the power. I’m a few generations older than you and am shocked that this dynamic still exists.

Batoutofhellish · 18/11/2025 23:10

Justwrong68 · 18/11/2025 22:53

If you let him pay for everything and drive everything that happens, you’re giving him all the power. I’m a few generations older than you and am shocked that this dynamic still exists.

Agree with this

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/11/2025 09:47

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 18:47

I don’t get it. I’m a FA so it’s not like I’m not doing well for myself?

Later on in the thread, you mention pay day as meaning you could pay for dinner next time, though...

RMAC67 · 19/11/2025 11:53

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 18/11/2025 21:55

"you may as well just do the deed at this stage"

Why? This seems so joyless :(

I know, sorry, I made it sound like a chore. I was trying to phrase is politely 😂

I meant because they both clearly want to!

OP is worried that he’s losing interest, it will either confirm that or things will progress. it’s been 5 weeks, so I think it’s been time enough!

firestarter2 · 19/11/2025 12:59

PinkTonic · 18/11/2025 18:56

how would it be BS if you really fancy each other?

i meant what if intimacy is BS as in, not what works for you and you have spent two months building up to it? happened to me, waited for 3 months and the girl did not like oral (to give or receive) which is a deal breaker for me.