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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I (23F) met this guy on hinge 1 month ago, (25M) and things have been going great but…

145 replies

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

OP posts:
Swallowdoubleandrunamile · 19/11/2025 13:05

I still don't understand the 'energy/personality carries more' quote?
Don't be passive OP, it's your turn to suggest/plan/insist on paying for the next date.

Teanbiscuits33 · 19/11/2025 13:57

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 18:13

Yep. Apparently there’s this ‘3 date rule’ been made up to pressure women into having sex before they’re feeling it otherwise the men lose interest.

And tbh most of them still hump and dump anyway as they’re juggling various dates.

The grim realities of modern dating

Anybody who loses interest because you haven’t slept with them by a certain time never liked you enough in the first place. Modern dating is so utterly bloody depressing.

I’m 35 and been single for years and I don’t see any prospect of meeting anyone half decent with these stupid rules around dating and all the games being played now! It’s all so shallow and superficial.

Even blokes who date for ages are known to do a disappearing act after getting sex. No wonder more and more people are choosing to stay single.

LadySuzanne · 19/11/2025 14:33

So he lives at home with his parents and travels over an hour to meet up with you.

Do you also live at home?

How much privacy will the two of you get if you don't have your own place if this relationship does progress to sleeping with him?

Not in the car, I hope.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 19/11/2025 19:05

If he paying for everything maybe he expects sex as part of the deal.

Don't be rushed into something you don't really want

Mcoco · 19/11/2025 19:18

Reading this I presume he has lost interest as you have not taken the relationship further yet. Take your time and never feel rushed. If he liked you enough he would wait and if not just move on.

MummyDummyNow · 19/11/2025 19:37

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 21:16

Oh lol hahah it’s like “whose personality” x

I still don’t get it. What does “whose personality carries more” mean?? Carries in what sense? Just who has the best personality?

IAmKerplunk · 19/11/2025 19:48

Mcoco · 19/11/2025 19:18

Reading this I presume he has lost interest as you have not taken the relationship further yet. Take your time and never feel rushed. If he liked you enough he would wait and if not just move on.

Or maybe he is fed up of doing all the travelling and financing of dates whilst the op ‘protests’ about him paying?

Oldwmn · 19/11/2025 20:03

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:32

Yes maybe I’m a little bit delusional😅… I think I’ve just been stung in the past and it’s something I do need to work on. I am aware maybe I’m asking for too much but I think I’d just like him at this point and when I do, I typically self sabotage. I definitely want to sleep with him soon though I’m just cautious… And he actually insists on paying all of the dates.

In this day & age, I'd be very uneasy about a man who 'insists' on paying for everything. Gives me the ick.

Thehighlightsofit · 19/11/2025 20:10

You’re coming across quite entitled and intense OP. If you continue he will likely walk away, you need to relax. Obviously don’t do anything you don’t want but if you like him and want to have sex with him… do it! He actually sounds really nice!

AmITheLastOne · 19/11/2025 20:24

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:33

Not at all, as mentioned in my previous comments I should have stated in my original post that he actually insists on paying for all of the dates… And he insists on coming to my hometown even though I’ve suggested multiple times to meet up in London, which is closer to him… I think he knows that I want a relationship with him because I had the clarity talk with him the other day. I’m not someone that needs their meals bought for them, but I do appreciate when he does.

C’mon, it’s a bit lame to let him insist on paying especially as he is driving to see you. I would never let a guy I’d just started seeing pay for me all the time.

BuckChuckets · 19/11/2025 20:48

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:05

I’m sure you didn’t intend for your reply to sound so patronising but no, I am not incredibly young and naive. Also, this isn’t my first relationship….not that I need to explain myself…but my friends and brother had my location.

Also we had been talking for a number of weeks before we met up in person. He doesn’t seem to mind paying for the dates as he insists he wants to.🤷‍♀️

Your OP did sound a bit like a letter in a teen magazine, to be honest. Ultimately, there are no 'rules' you need to follow in terms of dating and relationships, you need to be clear about what you're asking him. And if he keeps swerving the question, well, there's your answer.

Thistlewoman · 20/11/2025 14:15

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:28

I think that’s something I do have to bring up on the fourth date… There’s all these tricks and tips on lying about keeping your guard up but I think I just need to be honest at this point. Thank you.

'Tricks' and 'lying' are NOT a mature or healthy way to start ANY relationship. Honestly-no person is 100% 'perfect' for another, and no one is a mind reader. However if you think he's someone you would like to progress things with-tell him, and tell him your boundaries (sex only in the context of a relationship). Be honest. Guessing games are soooo tedious for the person being manipulated into having to guess what another person wants/needs, and just because you find it difficult to 'read the signals' doesn't mean that he has to do all the running/guessing. Real life is not like Social Media.. and following hints about 'tricks' is just ridiculous.

banananas1999 · 20/11/2025 16:33

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:12

you think sex at 5 weeks is rushing? i grew up different, if a girl has not gone past 2nd base after all this, I am losing interest.

The point is, he invests so much for 2 months then you get to the deed and it's BS, then what?

Where i come from 5 weeks is considered an easy girl and not marriage material

Batoutofhellish · 20/11/2025 16:43

AmITheLastOne · 19/11/2025 20:24

C’mon, it’s a bit lame to let him insist on paying especially as he is driving to see you. I would never let a guy I’d just started seeing pay for me all the time.

This

Cardinalita90 · 20/11/2025 17:31

I'm like you and overthinking everything. Just rip the plaster off and suggest a date this weekend near his house. Doesn't have to be expensive, keep it chilled and casual but by initiating you're showing effort. Also if he makes a flimsy excuse or says no, at least you can move on.

RollyPollyBatFace · 20/11/2025 20:08

If you’re posting on here after a handful of dates and you’re mulling over texts and things said to the nth degree, then this one needs throwing back

He is not going to be for you. You can feel this but for some reason, you’re not able to put a stop to it

don’t let him dictate the pace. All this hand wringing so early on points to this not being the man for you - for reasons that are really probably not worth giving too much head space to

LifeSurvior · 20/11/2025 20:50

LadySuzanne · 19/11/2025 14:33

So he lives at home with his parents and travels over an hour to meet up with you.

Do you also live at home?

How much privacy will the two of you get if you don't have your own place if this relationship does progress to sleeping with him?

Not in the car, I hope.

Hotels, B&Bs, when flush.
Or like every young couple since time began, own bedrooms with door shut, front room sofa whilst home alone,parties, fields and a blanket, (the car even!🫣)
My first boyfriend and I even developed a thing for camping and bought a cheap tent to see the countryside more😂
Have you never been young?

LadySuzanne · 20/11/2025 21:25

LifeSurvior · 20/11/2025 20:50

Hotels, B&Bs, when flush.
Or like every young couple since time began, own bedrooms with door shut, front room sofa whilst home alone,parties, fields and a blanket, (the car even!🫣)
My first boyfriend and I even developed a thing for camping and bought a cheap tent to see the countryside more😂
Have you never been young?

By the age of 19 I was living with a fellow student and we were together for 9 years. So we had our own place and a double bed.

LifeSurvior · 20/11/2025 21:58

LadySuzanne · 20/11/2025 21:25

By the age of 19 I was living with a fellow student and we were together for 9 years. So we had our own place and a double bed.

I didn't move out till I was 24 so I had to be inventive😉

LadySuzanne · 21/11/2025 09:56

LifeSurvior · 20/11/2025 21:58

I didn't move out till I was 24 so I had to be inventive😉

Gosh, yes, I had to be inventive when I was still living at home but at college I had a bedsit and then a house share.

The comments OP has made about snogging and heavy petting in his car suggested to me that despite being 23 she does not have privacy where she currently lives (unless she did not feel comfortable bringing him into the house yet). But I don't know what her domestic circumstances are as she has not said, though I don't get the feeling that she has her own place and has said that he also lives with his parents.

But I agree with RollyPollyBatFace - it all seems a lot of angst given she is only 3 dates in.

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