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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I (23F) met this guy on hinge 1 month ago, (25M) and things have been going great but…

145 replies

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:45

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 16:21

Agree with others I’m not sure what you’re expecting after 3 dates and tbh you sound rather entitled.

Hes paying for everything which isn’t really on and you seem to expect him to read your mind.

Absolutely keep your boundaries high but be realistic and realise it’s a 2 way street. You need to give as well as take

And if previous men have showered you with compliments this early, that’s a red flag to potential love bombing

Not at all, as mentioned in my previous comments I should have stated in my original post that he actually insists on paying for all of the dates… And he insists on coming to my hometown even though I’ve suggested multiple times to meet up in London, which is closer to him… I think he knows that I want a relationship with him because I had the clarity talk with him the other day. I’m not someone that needs their meals bought for them, but I do appreciate when he does.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/11/2025 16:45

On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more”

What does that even mean??

I'm only 52 and I feel like Gen Z speaks an entirely different language, which is possibly why you're having so much trouble understanding each other.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:47

KitsyWitsy · 18/11/2025 15:42

He probably is losing interest because you aren't progressing things. 5 weeks and still no sex? I'd have lost interest too.

I do understand but from my stance it seemed like he wanted a relationship. If that’s the case, I don’t understand why we should rush which is already there?

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:48

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/11/2025 16:45

On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more”

What does that even mean??

I'm only 52 and I feel like Gen Z speaks an entirely different language, which is possibly why you're having so much trouble understanding each other.

I think he meant whose personality carries more? Maybe he doesn’t feel as charismatic

OP posts:
lizzieq · 18/11/2025 16:49

MaplePumpkin · 18/11/2025 16:30

Did he suck your boob in the cinema?

Yup my though too 😂😂😂

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:50

WinterBerry40 · 18/11/2025 15:45

Many years older than you , and been in a relationship decades , but yes I think you are expecting a little bit too much .
There are many different types of men , and they all have different ways of showing their affections ( call it love language if you like )

How would you like it if he told you are exactly like his old gf ?
I'm guessing not much !
Allow him to be him , you are not still with your past relationships for a reason .

Thank you for this reality check. I think because there’s so much discourse online it reinforces the idea that if both parties aren’t crystal clear as soon as you meet, he basically doesn’t care/ want you. I know I’m expecting a little too much and I need to just relax…. Also the paranoia of us meeting on a dating site doesn’t help….

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:51

cestlavielife · 18/11/2025 15:48

Talks through the movie. Dump him .
(Well you were as well incredibly annoying for other movie goers!)
If you need x amount of time or x dates before sex then tell him so. He will wait or not and you know where you are.
Why go for someone who
lives an hour and a half away

Hahah it was mostly like whispering and little side comments, nothing loud… but I do realise I like him enough to want to take my time with him. Also there’s not much of a dating pool in my area

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:52

Ilovemychocolate · 18/11/2025 15:45

If he really really liked you…you would know.

That is true

OP posts:
LittleCutiePie74 · 18/11/2025 16:52

This is ridiculous, he so obviously really likes you - just stop thinking about the messages and focus on what's happening in actual real like and just enjoy yourself!

He sounds lovely, by the way.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:53

Dacatspjs · 18/11/2025 16:08

I don't mind men paying on dates, but I do try and keep it equal, so they pay for one, I pay for one. It sounds like you're letting him do everything, in terms of paying and chasing but then not giving much back. He's probably losing interest because he doesn't know where he stands. Are you interested or stringing him along as a meal ticket?

Not true as he insists on paying on these dates and also driving to me. Like I’ve suggested on multiple occasions that we meet in London which is closer to him but he seems to not mind doing all this

OP posts:
Daughterofthesea · 18/11/2025 16:56

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

You sound incredibly young and naive. Be very careful getting in a car with an online stranger on the first date - that’s a bit of a red flag right there.

Also, what is with him paying for everything?
Surely you could meet him halfway on a few things, it sounds more like a father /daughter dynamic and you are an adult yourself are you not?

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:57

lizzieq · 18/11/2025 16:49

Yup my though too 😂😂😂

No in his car🤣🤣 he was mostly well behaved in the cinema

OP posts:
TaupeRaven · 18/11/2025 16:58

OP, his insistence on paying and on coming to you (and driving you in his car) along with his word choice around women "making him wait" for sex is starting to build a picture in my head of someone who likes to be in control of a situation and is potentially also building himself a nice bank of all the things he does 'for you' that amount to you owing him. This could be far from the case but without further insight, it rings some alarm bells

WinterBerry40 · 18/11/2025 17:02

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:44

Ahh gotcha, it’s my first time on here, thank you!

Fab ! Glad to be of help 😀

WinterBerry40 · 18/11/2025 17:04

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:50

Thank you for this reality check. I think because there’s so much discourse online it reinforces the idea that if both parties aren’t crystal clear as soon as you meet, he basically doesn’t care/ want you. I know I’m expecting a little too much and I need to just relax…. Also the paranoia of us meeting on a dating site doesn’t help….

I met my now husband online in 1999 .

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:05

Him insisting on paying doesn’t mean you have to accept that. You can say to him ‘I would like to treat you next time’ If he refuses to accept that then that would bug me. If I am offering to pay then I am offering to pay - and not for performative reasons.
If I have allowed a man to suck my boob in a car then he should hear me when I state a preference on settling a bill and not insist on anything or ignore my thoughts.

But then maybe I’m the twat here - dating can get expensive and whilst I don’t want to split bills to the penny I do want to pay my way and we can treat each other.

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:05

Daughterofthesea · 18/11/2025 16:56

You sound incredibly young and naive. Be very careful getting in a car with an online stranger on the first date - that’s a bit of a red flag right there.

Also, what is with him paying for everything?
Surely you could meet him halfway on a few things, it sounds more like a father /daughter dynamic and you are an adult yourself are you not?

I’m sure you didn’t intend for your reply to sound so patronising but no, I am not incredibly young and naive. Also, this isn’t my first relationship….not that I need to explain myself…but my friends and brother had my location.

Also we had been talking for a number of weeks before we met up in person. He doesn’t seem to mind paying for the dates as he insists he wants to.🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:06

TaupeRaven · 18/11/2025 16:58

OP, his insistence on paying and on coming to you (and driving you in his car) along with his word choice around women "making him wait" for sex is starting to build a picture in my head of someone who likes to be in control of a situation and is potentially also building himself a nice bank of all the things he does 'for you' that amount to you owing him. This could be far from the case but without further insight, it rings some alarm bells

Yes - I got an icky feeling from all that too

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:06

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:05

I’m sure you didn’t intend for your reply to sound so patronising but no, I am not incredibly young and naive. Also, this isn’t my first relationship….not that I need to explain myself…but my friends and brother had my location.

Also we had been talking for a number of weeks before we met up in person. He doesn’t seem to mind paying for the dates as he insists he wants to.🤷‍♀️

What if you insist you want to pay for the date?

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:07

LittleCutiePie74 · 18/11/2025 16:52

This is ridiculous, he so obviously really likes you - just stop thinking about the messages and focus on what's happening in actual real like and just enjoy yourself!

He sounds lovely, by the way.

I know, it’s just me getting tied up in my own thoughts as per usual🥲 however since there’s 3rd date his replies are getting a little shorter so idk what to think at the moment

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:08

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:06

What if you insist you want to pay for the date?

Edited

I’d be more than open to do that

OP posts:
INeedAnotherAlibi · 18/11/2025 17:08

I wandered into the murky waters of online dating when I found myself single after over a decade married!
From what you say, most of this is positive and there are things I’d think are you overthinking ‘like abbreviating “what are you up to?”’. Possible red flag for me is that he always comes to you. Makes me wonder if he’s worried about being seen with you closer to home. Do you know much about where he lives?

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:08

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:08

I’d be more than open to do that

So why don’t you insist next time?

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:09

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:08

So why don’t you insist next time?

I think that’s something I should do

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 18/11/2025 17:10

I'm sorry but several dates where he pays for everything, talking all the time, and all that's come of it sexually is he sucked your tit? But yet you both wank off to thinking of eachother?

I'm not saying you should have coerced/unwanted sex with him, but it seems weird that you haven't DTD by now frankly. I'd assume you didn't really fancy me if I was him.

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