Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I (23F) met this guy on hinge 1 month ago, (25M) and things have been going great but…

145 replies

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 15:37

So me and this guy met on Hinge about a month ago and from the offset we were just talking back-and-forth sending voice notes and within the week he said he wanted to take me out on a date… Now this guy lives an hour and a half away from me. However, he was still okay to drive to my area and take me out on a date. Originally he seemed a little bit shy/dry/not being a natural flirt or smooth talker. It didn’t really bother me because I usually go for the types of guys that are a awkward anyway.

Now fast forward to the first date…it goes amazingly well. He pays for everything. We did rollerskating and bowling. He got me a bottle of Prosecco the four hours just flew by like that.
The sexual tension was sky high. We ended the night with just a passionate make out session in his car and he didn’t push for anything more and then date two was planned within the next few days for a week ahead. He’s a plumber so I understand that his work schedule is restricted.

The second date goes equally as well. We go out for dinner and non-stop talking at the restaurant the night ends in passionate kissing and heavy petting but that’s all it goes. He does make some jokes about taking it further but I shut that down graciously and still we talk every day.

Now from my perspective he isn’t someone that gives compliments that often but he has told me I’m beautiful. He does pop up regularly to my story and I know he’s very attracted to me…but I’m someone that needs verbal cues to know that someone is interested in me.
I wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me until they say it directly.

We’ve had a third date a few days ago and we went to the movies. It was all very sweet. We were interlocking hands. He was taking my arm in public paid for everything again and that was after he got off of his work shift, which I really appreciate him doing, And I always expressed this to him.

Whilst we were in the cinema, he placed my leg over his held my hand and kept facing to look at me and we were just making little jokes whilst the movie was playing. I’ve already really comfortable with him. It’s just his texting style that turns me off when we’re apart.

Now on the third day things were way more passionate than I had anticipated it ended with a little bit of boob sucking and he was obviously very sexually frustrated. I feel the exact same way too. We admitted that we both touch ourselves thinking about each other. It’s that strong.

The reason why I’m holding off having sex with him so early is because I actually do want a relationship…And he told me indirectly that he wants one too. When I asked him on the second date what he wants he said “someone”.

Again, not very expressive with his words. I’m not really used to this because all of my exes were obsessed with me from the start and very verbally expressive it left no room for doubt. He’s told me over text that he “misses” me or “I’m stuck in his head”, but that’s as far as it goes.

However, since the third date, we have been interacting mostly as normal but whilst he’s working his reply times may take three hours, or sometimes in the middle of convo he will go to bed and then not replying till the morning without saying good night and then message me in the morning or early noon like last nights conversation didn’t happen?. He hasn’t asked for exclusivity yet, but he seems to be directing a lot of energy with me. My brother and friends say that I’m overreacting and he clearly does like me and is intentional…

But today instead of asking “what are you up to?” He just asked, “wuu2?”.

I understand I might be picking at straws but I am hyper aware because I have been in this situation before where a guy will do anything to see you, buy your flowers, take you out on dates but still not make you his girlfriend…so I am just scared that he’s just liking the chase and doesn’t actually like me. On one date he even asked “whose energy do you think carries more” and I said both of us. I don’t know if he’s just boring or losing interest.

My question, is am I overthinking things? or is he actually losing interest? (Again I am aware it has only been five weeks and we’ve had three dates….)

OP posts:
firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:10

KitsyWitsy · 18/11/2025 15:42

He probably is losing interest because you aren't progressing things. 5 weeks and still no sex? I'd have lost interest too.

BINGO !

This is sadly a fact with the majority of 20s dating

LittleCutiePie74 · 18/11/2025 17:10

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:07

I know, it’s just me getting tied up in my own thoughts as per usual🥲 however since there’s 3rd date his replies are getting a little shorter so idk what to think at the moment

You need to talk to him. As others have advised just tell him that you'd like to be 'exclusive' and then take it from there! Don't be a passenger in life, take some control over your life and your future.

I imagine he is very busy during the daytime and may find it hard to find time to message.

Thinking isn't always a good thing, actually. Just go with it!

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:10

INeedAnotherAlibi · 18/11/2025 17:08

I wandered into the murky waters of online dating when I found myself single after over a decade married!
From what you say, most of this is positive and there are things I’d think are you overthinking ‘like abbreviating “what are you up to?”’. Possible red flag for me is that he always comes to you. Makes me wonder if he’s worried about being seen with you closer to home. Do you know much about where he lives?

Yeah that makes sense, he lives in Romford and I’ve been there, nothing to do🤣 I suggested London and he’s happy with that for when he’s not working the next day so we will see

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:12

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:10

BINGO !

This is sadly a fact with the majority of 20s dating

Ah what a shame, so for him it was purely sexual from the offset it sounds like

OP posts:
firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:12

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 16:47

I do understand but from my stance it seemed like he wanted a relationship. If that’s the case, I don’t understand why we should rush which is already there?

you think sex at 5 weeks is rushing? i grew up different, if a girl has not gone past 2nd base after all this, I am losing interest.

The point is, he invests so much for 2 months then you get to the deed and it's BS, then what?

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:13

I’m sure Romford has a restaurant. Why don’t you tell him you will visit him and take him out for a meal?

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:13

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:12

Ah what a shame, so for him it was purely sexual from the offset it sounds like

I did not say that but what I am saying is below, see my other post. Consider that he is travelling so far to see you also after working a manual job.

I am not saying give in, but having it does not mean a relationship will not happen. I do not know why some people this like this

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:14

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:06

Yes - I got an icky feeling from all that too

I got an icky feeling about the groping and sucking in the car 🤢

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:14

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:10

Yeah that makes sense, he lives in Romford and I’ve been there, nothing to do🤣 I suggested London and he’s happy with that for when he’s not working the next day so we will see

You know Romford is in essex? Towie people are always out, it does not mean limit yourself to 1mile around his house.

No excuses please, insist and plan something around his area

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:16

The thing is he could ask the op to be exclusive and then shag her and dump her. Exclusive is just a word. You either feel ready to have sex with him or you don’t and if you don’t that’s completely fair enough.

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:18

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:10

Yeah that makes sense, he lives in Romford and I’ve been there, nothing to do🤣 I suggested London and he’s happy with that for when he’s not working the next day so we will see

There’s plenty of bars, pubs, restaurants in Romford. And how about nearby like Brentwood where you can’t move for places to eat

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:22

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:16

The thing is he could ask the op to be exclusive and then shag her and dump her. Exclusive is just a word. You either feel ready to have sex with him or you don’t and if you don’t that’s completely fair enough.

Absolutely. This arbitrary 3rd date so called rule where sex is supposed to happen just puts pressure on people to have sex before they’re ready.

Im a lot older than the OP and never rushed into sex and it’s never stopped me having relationships

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:23

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:14

You know Romford is in essex? Towie people are always out, it does not mean limit yourself to 1mile around his house.

No excuses please, insist and plan something around his area

That makes sense, I’m getting that you’re thinking I should put more effort into showing him I like him too? Hence why his drier replies after date 3?

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:24

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:18

There’s plenty of bars, pubs, restaurants in Romford. And how about nearby like Brentwood where you can’t move for places to eat

That’s true, he’s never suggested Romford though so I’ll bring it up in conversation if the possibility of a 4th date arises

OP posts:
IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:24

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:18

There’s plenty of bars, pubs, restaurants in Romford. And how about nearby like Brentwood where you can’t move for places to eat

The op doesn’t want to pay or doing any travelling. Neither does she want to have sex despite saying there is sexual chemistry (fine - don’t have sex if you don’t want to) she is ok with having her boob sucked in a car and both going home separately to wank off at the thought of each other but yeah, he’s not showing her he likes her enough because the word ‘exclusive’ hasn’t been used.

Welcome to the modern world of dating 🤮

How have you shown him you like him op?

What did he say when you asked him in a straightforward explicit way - ‘are you seeing other people? I’m not. Shall we see where this goes just us 2?’

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:25

TwistedWonder · 18/11/2025 17:14

I got an icky feeling about the groping and sucking in the car 🤢

i mean it was consensual after a fun evening

OP posts:
CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:29

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:13

I did not say that but what I am saying is below, see my other post. Consider that he is travelling so far to see you also after working a manual job.

I am not saying give in, but having it does not mean a relationship will not happen. I do not know why some people this like this

Yeah it’s true, maybe next date I will invite him over and cook him a meal. Just think he’s lost interest atp though unfortunately

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 18/11/2025 17:36

WTF does He just asked, “wuu2?” mean?

Don't invite him to your home - he will definitely think you're inviting him round for sex. You can't have sex with someone who speaks in acronyms, you'll go crazy.

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:36

Op - you are young (not saying that in a patronising way) and on this site- on a good day - you will get many women a lot older than you who have been round the block, found duds and stuck with them, found duds and threw them back, found the loves of their lives and found all manner of arseholes. My advice is listen and take on board what everyone is saying.

Why will you invite him to yours? What is there that is stopping either of you deciding to meet in his neck of the woods? Is it him batting you off coming to his or are you the one reluctant to go and see him?

SlothMama14 · 18/11/2025 17:36

I think you're overthinking it and I also think YABU for going to the cinema and chatting through the film!

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:38

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:24

That’s true, he’s never suggested Romford though so I’ll bring it up in conversation if the possibility of a 4th date arises

Why don’t you suggest Romford?

firestarter2 · 18/11/2025 17:45

TFImBackIn · 18/11/2025 17:36

WTF does He just asked, “wuu2?” mean?

Don't invite him to your home - he will definitely think you're inviting him round for sex. You can't have sex with someone who speaks in acronyms, you'll go crazy.

" someone who speaks in acronyms,"

You will go made trying to find an under 35 who does not speak like this via text, smh, lol etc.

Times have changed, this is very basic

CraftyHazelShaker · 18/11/2025 17:48

IAmKerplunk · 18/11/2025 17:38

Why don’t you suggest Romford?

In that reply I’ve already said I’m going to bring it up

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 18/11/2025 17:53

He's travelled a long way to see you three times, he's told you that you're beautiful, you've had a couple of steamy encounters and you've told each other you think about each other when you touch yourselves, and you think he's not interested in you because he's not super effusive and doesn't seem 'obsessed' in his texts?

You're massively overthinking this. He's just not great with words, is all.

I'm not really sure why you haven't just shagged him to be honest. Maybe it will turn into a relationship, maybe it won't, but you find him attractive and even if it doesn't turn into a relationship you'll have had a nice night with him.

Ringonrighthand · 18/11/2025 17:58

OP I do wonder if his insistence on meeting you near yours all the time means he isn’t “technically” single, have you spoken on the phone/facetime in the evening when he is at home so you can see where he is? I say this because it happened to me and after 4 dates I insisted on going to his area and lo and behold got dumped as his wife wouldn’t haven’t liked that!