Husband is always asking for sex

[OneSillyAzureFinch]

Hi,

My husband is always asking for sex and telling me how connected he feels afterwards etc. I just think he is after one thing only tbh. I must admit I do enjoy it and I do find him attractive but I don’t know if I’m lazy, but I just cba to make a move or I have no interest in it but I know it affects him mentally and frustrates him. I’m worried he might leave me for someone who can provide him with his needs. He does have a high labido compared to mine. I wish I could give him what he wants. We have two children aged between 8 & 12. The 8 year old is a challenge and bed time is stressful and puts me off all together afterwards tbh. Is anyone else in a similar situation ? I wish I could express to him how much I love him and find him attractive.

Does he do an equal share of parenting cooking housework etc? It sounds like it’s become a chore which makes me feel like he does very little in that regard. If you’re tired and worn out being pestered for sex is an absolute turn off.

How often is he expecting sex?

He does all the cooking, shopping etc I stopped him from doing the cleaning etc as he’s useless in that regard and doesn’t have the same standards as me 😆

So pleased im single.

Pestering is not ok.

But it is perfectly normal to want to have sex with your spouse. It’s also not great to feel your partner never initiates. You say you enjoy it, but also can’t be bothered? How often does he want to have sex, and how often do you?

How often is he asking and how often are you actually doing it? I think that makes a big difference to your dilemma.

I’d struggle in a relationship with a man who ‘CBA to make a move’, I admit. But I’d feel better about it if I at least understood that he did love me and find me attractive - have you told him that? Have you actually explained to him what you’ve explained in your post?

Does he make the effort and want to nurture your relationship in other areas too?

If he’s being shit around the house, expecting you to do everything, isn’t wanting to emotionally connect or spend quality time together doing things other than sex it’s an issue and would show he just wants to get his sexual satisfaction sorted however if he is caring about your relationship in other areas it just seems a case of mismatched sex drives and it’s something you need to have an open and honest conversation about.

You should be able to openly speak to him about how his sex drive is higher and you need to come to some sort of compromise about how often is too much for you.

You should also be able to verbalise to him what is important to you to make you feel in the mood for sex. That could be him bringing home flowers, having a deep conversation about how your weeks been, buying you little gifts.

everyone has different love languages and his seems to be physical touch which is fine but he needs to know what yours is and be thinking of you too.

He would have sex easily 2-3 times a week but very rarely initiate tbh

2-3 times a week isn't a lot :/
I'm sorry but I assumed he was asking every night or something! Do you enjoy the sex you have when you have it or are you grinning and bearing it? How often do you end up having sex if he would like 2-3 times a week but that's too much for you?

Maybe I'm oversexed but 2 times a week seems not very often to me?

2 - 3 times a week doesn’t sound like a man with an unusually high libido. It’s certainly not ‘always asking for sex’ like you said in your title.

I thought you were going to say a lot more than that. That just seems like an average amount to me. But regardless, if you want less you’re going to have to try and find a way to make this work for both of you.

2-3 times a week may not seem a lot to you because that’s your preference, sex drive and life.

There is no normal, no standard and no right or wrong.

The important thing is that there’s clear communication, understanding and respect from both sides.

I'm sorry, no, 2/3 times a week is objectively not a high amount of sex to be wanting

Yes I enjoy it when we do but i can’t explain why it doesn’t interest me and why im
not bothered etc and probably once or twice a month

He does have a high labido compared to mine.

That is the key part you missed or ignored. 2-3 times a week might not be an unusually high libido but OP said compared to here he has a high libido. Maybe being asked 2-3 times a week for someone with very little or no libido does feel it’s asked being all the time

I feel sorry for him. I do appreciate nobody should have sex they don't want to but you're characterising him as a sex pest for wanting sex more than twice a month.

But 2-3 times a week isn't a high libido. Again, looking at it objectively. OP has an extremely low libido. He has a fairly normal one.

Maybe everyone has different preferences. Some high libido, some average, some low or even… shock, no libido 🤷‍♀️

But Op didn’t said he has a very high libido she just said it was high compared to hers

Ok fine
so OP has sex twice a month under sufferance, her husband would like it more but she doesn't. What's the answer?

Again, it’s personal preference and opinion.

What you say isn’t a high amount to be wanting actually is a high amount to someone else.

You can’t try and base facts and truths on preferences.

I find sex pests absolutely vile. Yours sounds particularly manipulative, "how connected he feels afterwards". So he's not connected to you unless he can use your body for his pleasure whether you want it or not? Grim. I'd rather live alone than be continually pressured into sex.

Well people pointing out if her DH has a high libido or not compared to themselves won’t answer anything and is completely irrelevant.
The only answer I can give is OP needs to talk the her DH

There’s a big difference between 2-3 times a week and once or twice a month.

You don’t sound compatible tbh. Would you consider an open marriage?