Husband is always asking for sex

[OneSillyAzureFinch]

Hi,

My husband is always asking for sex and telling me how connected he feels afterwards etc. I just think he is after one thing only tbh. I must admit I do enjoy it and I do find him attractive but I don’t know if I’m lazy, but I just cba to make a move or I have no interest in it but I know it affects him mentally and frustrates him. I’m worried he might leave me for someone who can provide him with his needs. He does have a high labido compared to mine. I wish I could give him what he wants. We have two children aged between 8 & 12. The 8 year old is a challenge and bed time is stressful and puts me off all together afterwards tbh. Is anyone else in a similar situation ? I wish I could express to him how much I love him and find him attractive.

No we weren't unusual in any way, you are quite offensive. Do you need to be having sex all the time? Sometimes I think that people with low self esteem need more sex.

E.g men that constantly hound women for sex, happens because they don't feel confident in themselves, so they become very needy about sex. Then when they get rejected they get sulky.

Look at the study the poster posted above

The Dublin study revealed that 36% of sexually active adults had sex once or twice per month, and 33% of sexually active adults had sex once or twice per week

So once a month is definitely very normal!

1-2 times a month is plenty for me and if my DP didnt like it he can leave anytime.

Youre just mismatched, he needs to work out if he can live with the amount hes getting as no one should have sex they dont want.

If he was single he certainly wouldnt be getting it 1-2 times a month unless he paid for it.

If you read the OP’s other posts, she says he would like sex 2-3 times a week. That isn’t being a sex pest and it isn’t ‘continually’ asking her for it. She says she only wants sex once a month. He has a pretty normal sex drive and hers is on the low side.

I’n a woman and if my DP could only bring himself to have sex with me once a month I’d feel very sad and unloved. I don’t think it’s manipulative at all to say that you feel connected to someone you love when you have sex. For most people, it’s true.

Hers is not on the low side.

Look at the study on this thread of how often couple have sex.

Many couples in the study have sex once a month.

So her libido is on the normal side

She said husband is always asking for sex.

There is no 'low' side. Everyone has their own level, there is no normal, low, or high.

I think it’s pretty normal for husband to be honest. Mine says the same.
There are otherways for connection tho. There is a technique where you stare into each others eyes for minimum 1 minute. Or share happy memories from the past. But I think for many Men sex is a way to feel very connected.

I suspect that statement includes a degree of hyperbole.

@Candlesandmatches i also as a female feel more connected to my partner after sex. It’s not just the act the the build up and closeness after. For me emotional and physically intimacy go hand in hand. But we are all different and we really need to wait for the op to come back with more info on what we’ve asked her about how she feels and what she wants / needs. She enjoys sex which is positive but I think it’s all the stuff around her that are making her feel less sexual ( that’s my take but let’s she what she shares).

The OP said compared to hers. If you want to split hairs like....

are you and others suggesting that the OP is wrong and should lie back and think of England?

I actually think that men somwhere put out this idea that having sex three times a week is an acceptable number.

Anything less than that means the woman is weird.

Which is so disgusting and not correct.

People should have sex when they want it. They shouldnt be forced to meet what is an acceptable number for men.

And of course sex has much more risk for women than it does for men.

The possibility of contraception failing etc.

Men receive no bad effects or any worries from having sex. Women do

It’s interesting that you say this because I pretty much only get horny a few days to a week before ovulation. And once I’ve ovulated my drive plummets. I do have sex at other times of the month, but I mostly do that for dp, I’m generally not fussed. And if we only had sex when I really wanted to then that would be 3-5 times a month. So I consider my libido really low, but it’s still ‘works’ and is healthy for the purpose of procreation.

I feel more connected to my partner after sex, when we both want sex.

Giving in and having sex when the woman does not want sex, does not give any feeling of connection.

I had a very needy boyfriend a long time ago who always wanted sex. One night i really didnt want to have sex and he did. I gave in.

After it, he was saying how great the sex was. I, on the other hand, felt like I had been raped.

I never gave in to sex when I didnt want it again.

It is a two way thing. Both must want it

Absolutely not. But if a couple have fundamentally mismatched sex drives it's an issue and complaining that your partner is a sex pest for wanting sex more than twice a month isn't a solution.

Your libido isnt low. According to studies, you are within the normal range.

But twice a month is a normal range. As the study further up thread shows.

Yawn

What an intelligent comment!

The OPs age, health, work patterns information would be helpful.

I am not liking the women on here who are writing that the husband is in the normal range for sexual desires and the wife isnt.

Why are you taking his side? Peope should have sex when they want to have sex

Sometimes women are each other's worst enemy.

I appreciate your point :) I suppose it feels low to me because I want to want to have sex more often

Well women we are still in the 1950s according to some women on this thread

You should give in to your husband's desires! Your own wants and needs do not matter. You are after all, just there to serve him.

A serving human

I don’t think anyone’s saying she should have sex when she doesn’t want to.

They’re simply pointing out that her husband’s desires aren’t excessive and that this is a case of mismatched libidos, rather than a husband being a sex pest.

@Willcancelagainsoon I doubt I'll convince you to think otherwise, but the feelings of connection I have with my wife when we have sex are indescribable, and that's because I adore her and not because I'll say anything to have sex. @OneSillyAzureFinch's husband may well be speaking as he feels rather than being manipulative. Men have feelings, even if some of them are inconvenient.

You're writing about how you feel after sex. How does your wife feel after sex?

I remember an ex boyfriend telling me how great he felt after sex. While I felt nothing, as he had just used me for his own pleasure.

Some men are selfish in bed and think about their own needs and wants.