Husband is always asking for sex

[OneSillyAzureFinch]

Hi,

My husband is always asking for sex and telling me how connected he feels afterwards etc. I just think he is after one thing only tbh. I must admit I do enjoy it and I do find him attractive but I don’t know if I’m lazy, but I just cba to make a move or I have no interest in it but I know it affects him mentally and frustrates him. I’m worried he might leave me for someone who can provide him with his needs. He does have a high labido compared to mine. I wish I could give him what he wants. We have two children aged between 8 & 12. The 8 year old is a challenge and bed time is stressful and puts me off all together afterwards tbh. Is anyone else in a similar situation ? I wish I could express to him how much I love him and find him attractive.

There’s no bigger turn off than a sex pest.

Tried it once, didn't like it.

Do you work? How come he does mainly all the chores/ domestic tasks, wants sex just on a normal level but you are labelling him a sex pest. If you aren’t horny, you aren’t healthy.

I don't think twice a week counts as a particularly high libido.

If you’d rather not do it at all you should just tell him and he plan his life accordingly.

I can see why you are worried that this relationship won’t last.

I don’t think portraying him as a sex pest when his libido is within the realms of average and when by your own admittance he does his share of the family or household jobs.

Have you always had such a mismatched libido? Are you taking any medication that might be impacting it?

2 - 3 times a week isn’t much, I don’t think he’s in sex pest territory to be honest, as you wrote he’d easily have sex that much if he could; but 2-3 times a month is very low. You didn’t say how often you actually have sex, I’m guessing it’s not as much as 2 times a week even.

I think maybe you’ve become incompatible. You can’t have sex if you don’t want and he shouldn’t feel like he’s begging or a sex pest for wanting sex a couple of times a week.

Sure but he’s hardly that.

How often do you actually have sex op?

There’s a difference between asking for sex and making someone want to have sex, maybe have a think about what makes you want to have sex and ask him to approach it that way? Being pestered for sex gives me the ick.

Do you orgasm every time? A proper orgasm not just a whimper?

I think you find it difficult to switch off from mum mode. You are not going to feel sexy after a long day and a battle to get your child to bed. It’s probably a case you need some time to yourself. Tell your husband you love and fancy him for a start and explain you enjoy sex. But then tell him about how you feel … it’s probably tiredness to be honest more than anything. Would something like going away from the night appeal to you? If so why? Would be it a case of no distractions and being able to completely relax and be yourself with your husband? Communication is the key:

That’s not a fair comment to make the the op isn’t healthy!
I’m the other side of the spectrum and happy to have sex 5 times a week but I don’t think it’s fair to say there’s something wrong with her.
when my kids were primary school age, I was exhausted and not horny at all! Even the weekends were a merry go round of birthday parties, clubs and play dates for the dc. All I’m saying is this is a life stage, not a forever thing. It’s more important to explore why than make someone think there’s an issue with them.

I think you are being slightly unfair in painting a negative picture of your husband. If my partner enjoyed sex but never initiated it or seemed unbothered, that would irritate me too. It also impacts on one's self esteem. It's perhaps time to have an open conversation about why you aren't interested. And if you really don't care for intimacy, then again, he should know about that. Maybe you need to rethink the future of your relationship based on that.

and there is no more a lonely place to be than stuck in a sexless relationship knowing you cannot escape

both people need to think long and hard about the relationship and the future and should separate

Who decides what a high, normal or low amount of sex to be having is?

3 times a week sounds like a lot of sex for me.

It would be too much sex for me

. In my last relatioship we had sex 1-2 times a month.

Everyone's preferences are differemt.

Sorry op. I misunderstood, I just reread your comment, you actually have sex 2 - 3 times a month, and you don’t want to have it basically at all and he would like more often. I suspect that it’s not quite as much as 3 times a month though.

you shouldn’t be having duty sex, which is what it appears to be, but then he can’t be expected to be celibate, which is what it would amount to if you got your way.

would you consider opening the marriage. It might be better for you for him to have sex elsewhere with your knowledge, than behind your back without, as that’s likely what’s going to happen and would result in it being over. However I can see why that would be difficult for you to accept. So you maybe facing an affair and end of marriage, no one wants to feel rejected or like a sex pest and no one wants to feel like they need to have duty sex.

Sex is not the be all and end all of many relationships.

There are other ways to show intimacy

2-3 times a week would be way too much for me

No one said it was. Best to keep on topic.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots

2 to 3 times IS a lot when you’re exhausted with young children

They did say it.

One poster wrote

and there is no more a lonely place to be than stuck in a sexless relationship knowing you cannot escape.

You said it first - I'm pleased my husband (of 20 years) is 75. I'm much younger and won't be bothered anymore. 😊

I agree!!

And of course women go through so many other things aswell that makes them not want sex. Menstruation. Soreness after childbirth can last a long time. PMS - i get body aches and pains that week. Endometriosis. Perimenopause. Menopause.

A lot of women are not built for constant sex. We are not sex machines on demand

A PP wrote: "If you aren't horny, you aren't healthy".
😂
Have been at my happiest and healthiest when my husband stopped "asking" for sex.
46 yo and enjoying life!