Husband is always asking for sex

[OneSillyAzureFinch]

Hi,

My husband is always asking for sex and telling me how connected he feels afterwards etc. I just think he is after one thing only tbh. I must admit I do enjoy it and I do find him attractive but I don’t know if I’m lazy, but I just cba to make a move or I have no interest in it but I know it affects him mentally and frustrates him. I’m worried he might leave me for someone who can provide him with his needs. He does have a high labido compared to mine. I wish I could give him what he wants. We have two children aged between 8 & 12. The 8 year old is a challenge and bed time is stressful and puts me off all together afterwards tbh. Is anyone else in a similar situation ? I wish I could express to him how much I love him and find him attractive.

I don't think your libido is particularly low. Your two different people and your libidos, hormones ect are different. You also, probably, connect differently. Sex doesn't make me feel connected to my H but consideration does. Personally. I'd find being pestered about sex highly unattractive. Even the idea of it makes me pull a repulsed face. Do you initiate on the days you do actually fancy having sex? Are you intimate in otherwise? I don't mean sex, I'm mean cuddling, kissing, handholding ect?

Men (and sometimes women) really need to find other ways to feel “connected” to their partner apart from penetrating or being penetrated. There are lots of other ways. I think it’s sad that one person who wants sex 2-3 week would break up or cheat on someone they supposedly love, who wants sex a couple of times a month, which according to studies is still considered normal. We have evolved. We don’t have to act like dogs.

You as a person may not want to have children, but that's not going to affect how your body acts.

Most women have an increased sex drive during ovulation. That's whether they are TTC or actively avoiding.

Womens libido decreases when breastfeeding because your body is trying to space pregnancies. Equally, when we are exhausted (for any reason), our libido often plummet because our bodies know that pregnancy would increase the burden. Whether we want to get pregnant or not. Then women often have a reduction in libido after menopause, when our bodies have no biological need for sex any more.

Men don't get the same slump in libido with exhaustion because biologically the demand on them is less. We may expect them to play an equal role in parenting, but our mamilian instincts still assume we do all the work and they get us pregnant and leave us to it.

On a certain level, we are still animals, with elements of our behaviour driven by hormones and biological urges. Our actual desires as people don't alter those drives as much as we'd like.

My sex drive doesnt increase during ovulation

Men and women are definitely different biologically. And also we have different societal pressures on us.

Men have told me that they often see their value and worth by how much sex they are having.

If they are not having sex they see themselves as less of a man etc

It seems neither does your reading comprehension increase during reading.

It does. You wrote "you may not want children but that does not affext how your body acts, and most women's sexual desire increases during ovulation". And I replied "my libido doesnt increase during ovulation.

The poster wrote “most women” which is true and your input adds nothing.

I am not that poster.

As I said… reading comprehension 👍🏻

She pulled "most women" out of her arse.

what percentage of women is most women?
and what age range.

obviously women post menopause do not experience an increase in sexual libido during ovulation.

Show me the scientific study that shows "most women have an increase in sexual desire during ovulation"

There's definitely a research project here. Most men go from being a baby, their closest relationship physical and emotional, being with a woman, their mother, to being an adult ditto.

Women, in contrast, change tack completely and move on to a totally different sex from their original relationship.

How and, was going to write why, but for the future of humans, , educatorprocreation demands a sperm but this doesn't answer the question of what is going on in a woman's psyche to cause this about turn, etc , that is so different from a man's? A woman rejecting the sex which has been her initial feeder, comforter etc? Does she have a necessary development of independence that a man doesn't?

Answers, if any, on a post card.........

Sex is also much less risk for a man than it is for a woman

He was gay

How immature! Some people on here are like children

He definitely isn't. He lives in a city that is extremely accepting of gay people. If he wanted to be with a man he could be.

He is now happily married to a woman and they have two children.

By your standards, the Op is gay, because she only wants sex once a month.

By your standards, I am also gay as i only want sex once a month. Yet I am not attracted to women at all.

@Linnytwinny I couldn’t agree more. I had sex a few times with my ex h when he demanded it and I felt violated. Agree 100% both parties need to want it.

Just doom scrolling sexless marriage but your situation sounds a lot like mine, except I’m the husband. I find most women to be unsympathetic to this situation - so I don’t ever discuss it; this comment is sort of a one-off. I love my wife and my children. I am a relentless, dedicated provider and there is no role in life I take more seriously. I help by fixing, cleaning, cooking, parenting, doting on her (admittedly not as much as I ought to, but I do put a lot of effort in). We communicate. I have discussed this with her and she really just isn’t into it. Not just with me, but in general. And the psychological toll is really fu*king dark. Be dismissive of it at your own peril. I’ve remained a faithful man. And I love my wife. I’ve no desire to have sex with someone who just doesn’t want it. I’m not a monster. And masturbation gets old and really misses the real point. I didn’t marry my hand. But a man just has to ‘man-up’ and deal. So I do. What should you do? What do you expect him to do? Do you have any understanding of the toll this has taken on him? These are difficult questions but so often dismissed with casual disdain. Part of why that is could be just how much of a catch 22 this all is. He NEEDS this from you to be at his best FOR you and the children. Without it is like running marathons with no water. A strong man will fight the good fight and just be miserable. It’s what I’ve done. But I am so goddamn miserable. I hope you find what you need and both of you are stronger for it and for your children. Godbless.

Here's one

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15216424/

And an old one, it interesting in that it wasn't seen when the woman's ovulation was suppressed.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/703805/

Oh and another

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15190016/

One last one

https://www.mpib-berlin.mpg.de/press-releases/partner-choice-of-women?

Look you could have dozens of these studies, we're animals, more precisely - we are mammals. It's accepted science and has been for a long time. That hormone shifts around the time of ovulation often increase libidio.

As a species of animal, we are, as a whole driven to reproduce. It's hardly surprising that subconsciously this drive is usually strongest when sex is most likely to 'succeed' (from a biological perspective).

Ps: we even (as a group, not speaking for everyone) masturbate more when ovulating. So it's an increase in sexual desire overall, not just to get pregnant.

Well i think if they want to stay together then both should make some sacrifices.
DH and I have mismatched sex drives. He would want to every day, for me once a week would be perfect if its good. So we just do it 2-3x a week and it works for both of us.

That maybe but it's not the case here. If her husband sees it as an important aspect, then who are you to argue?

And if the OP says that she wants less sex, who are you to argue with her?

The numbers don't matter one bit. It's if both parties are aligned that's important. As the OP says they clearly are not so there is an issue. We can only consider our desires personally and if they match with another - great. But if they don't match (or more likely as in most cases, change so they no longer match) then potentially there is an issue. I would guess that the DH would say things have changed (is his eyes for the worse). I can relate to his position personally and can't really face my relationship continuing much longer in this situation - regardless of what vows etc. as the parameters have changed. That sounds harsh but we only get one life.

I also think that men need to look at what they are doing.

I had aj ex who constantly pestered me for sex. Yet he was really selfish in bed.

If the man is selfish, the woman is not going to want to have sex with him.

Sex is an energy exchange.

I find that if a man has sex with me, and doesnt do anything to make me feel good. He only focuses on his orgams. It actually depletes my energy.

Sex makes me feel worse rather than better in those circumstances.

You’re very invested in this thread and the topic is occupying your mind a lot. You might feel better about it all and relax a bit if you start having more sex. It really relaxes you.

Wow you are a strange one! Imagine telling someone else - how much sex they should have.

I disagree that sex really relaxes you. Im single. I go on dates.

The last two men that I had sex with , were selfish in bed. One of them also scared me. He started hitting me and choking me.

Sex can be very dangerous when single.

Men have physical power over women. If they decide to hit us or kill us, they can.

My friend told me that she just had sex with a guy that she went on four tinder dates with First.

She said that he very badly scared her. That he started choking her. She was very afraid of him

If I knew that I was going to have GOOD sex, I would have more sex.

However, we don't really know what the man is going to be like. And there are a lot of men out there who are at best, selfish - at worst, violent in bed

Also Im not "very invested' in this thread. Im posting on ten different threads at the moment. This is just one of them

I was going to say that too. That poster is very invested in this thread. Can't stay away.

The irony!

You're saying that someone else can't stay away,

and then here you are - posting on this thread again.

You can't stay away!

🤣🤣

You are very "invested" in this thread