Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

That’s one of those messages you’ll be relieved you didn’t send. I sent one along those lines once back in 1979 when I was a teen and I’m not exaggerating when I say it can still make me squirm and cringe when it randomly pops back in my head.

First of all: why are you apologising? You’re not bothering anyone with your OP. You’re on a public forum that’s frequented by people who want to answer (or at least read…) these kinds of posts. You have done nothing wrong. And there is absolutely no need to apologise for taking up space and sharing your feelings.

2nd point: you do not sound pathetic. You do sound insecure, vulnerable and potentially in need of some kind of help. But that does not make you pathetic. Those are all perfectly normal states of being for a human. What matters is that you don’t get stuck! Are you in therapy? Do you have a support network?

3rd: Maybe he does like you but is absolutely sure that you don’t. Who knows. So if you do genuinely like this man, I’d recommend you sleep over it and wait a few days / until you’re in a good mindset. And then send him a simple, short message. (There are plenty of good suggestions on this thread.)

take care! And try to stop apologising for having feelings or simply existing. Those aren’t the kind of messages you want to send to people or yourself.

Gosh that sounds excruciating, if someone sent me that I’d avoid them as it sounds like you want him to be your knight and fix your troubled past.
Just leave it at asking if he’d like a drink and they be yourself and have fun and don’t pile all this at his feet if he comes over.

You sent a text message in 1979?

I wouldn’t recommend sending that, it’s way too long and you’ve said way too much about yourself.
Just ask him out for a drink, but not a drink when your children are in bed. Maybe get a babysitter or alternatively meet for a coffee in the daytime?

There is no reason not to invite him for a drink/coffee, go for it (keeping your text light and short!!!)

But

You will find it easier to develop healthy relationships when your relationship with yourself is in a better place.
You are really harsh on yourself and it's a shame cuz you probably have loads to offer, even if you are as imperfect as all humans are.
If you can moderate your inner self-critical voice you will make things much easier for yourself.

Yes, by all means ask him out if you want to. Just don’t try so hard to be charming and ditsy, and don’t reveal that you have poor self-esteem, feel invisible and are used to being mistreated — you might as well be inviting someone to know that you’re an easy target for abuse.

And you can’t control how someone responds to you asking them out. You need to be realistic about not being able to compel someone else to behave in a certain way. Only ask him out if you realise it may change his attitude to you, even if he says no.

YOU CAN STILL SEND HIM A MESSAGE JUST NOT THAT MESSAGE!!!

”hiya, fancy coming over and having a drink with me one night after the kids are in bed? Thought it would be nice to get to know each other better”

he will know it’s a polite way of saying you are interested but it also isn’t you declaring love for him if he replies and says he’s busy you respond:

”no problem see you on school run/have a nice week!”

“

I'm glad you didn't send it. It really was very bad.

Please do The Freedom Programme before you end up signaling your desperation to a predatory, abusive man. You come across as extremely vulnerable right now. Please be careful

Don't send that....it's emotionally incontinent!

No.

Hi X, would you like to come over one evening for a drink?

Would suffice.

This is dangerous and it sounds needy as well the thing is you are inviting a stranger in a house for a drink with you and your two children if something had happened like he raped you and murdered you and your children because you sent that text message I really hope you didnt. You are asking for trouble doing this delate this message right now you are putting yourself and your children in harm way asking a stranger to come around to your house for a drink. Have you lost your mind

He's not a stranger, I've known him for 6years. These feelings just developed last year.
Thanks all, I get the picture.

This whole text sounds like an extra verse in Stan by Eminem.

Glad you didn’t send it. Just ask him if he fancies a drink one night. Job done.

Woah, definitely don’t send! He will run a mile!
just be easy breezy!
“ Hey X, would you like to get a drink before Xmas, or would be great to see you”

What in the actual fucking hell have I just read?

This just made me spit my nettle tea out laughing

Yes, by all means ask him out if you want to. Just don’t try so hard to be charming and ditsy, and don’t reveal that you have poor self-esteem, feel invisible and are used to being mistreated.

I agree with this. Also, don't make being damaged your entire (or at the very least, a big part of) personality.

I've dated a couple of people who have done this and it's really draining. It was a regular feature in their conversation and they seemed to think I was the person who could fix them, but in reality they didn't really know me very well at all. It all felt a bit disingenuous, not to mention intense and I ended up cooling off very quickly because of it.

I get the impression you feel a similar way about this man, without having spent any real one on one time with him.

Anyone else cringe at that.
Im doing the cringe toe curl as i type.

Too much. Just ring him if you have a lot to say.

Honestly if I got a text like that from someone I was seeing I would run a mile.

I think it is definitely a good thing you posted that all on here before sending...I am hoping you didn't sent it anyway.

haven't read all the thread but I agree with others - just ask if he'd like a drink one evening. do not under any circumstances send him that waffle - it reminds me of what my thought process is like when I'm particularly anxious. I find chat CPT good for helping me edit things if needed too btw.

Oh gawd - I get that this likely came from a place of low self-esteem and wanting to lay it all out but it just comes off as manipulative. By giving him all those terrible times you’ve had, you’re basically emotionally blackmailing him into meeting up with you (or risk being yet another bad guy). Major red flag approach that, if he has low self-esteem like you say, will work really well on him but be really damaging to any relationship you build with him going forward.

Work on yourself first and then consider dating. Definitely not ready if that text is what you were considering sending.

Lol no. In those days it was called a letter (pen and paper). I meant I sent a communication in a similar vein (when I was a teenager). I’m now 64 and I can still cringe at it so my advice to OP is not to send such a long winded cringey note (text).

If he has low self-esteem, he could be sitting at home wanting to send you a mini essay inviting you out, but like you, thinks if you liked him you’d have asked already.

So just message him.

A short message. ;-)

Hi T - would you like to come round for a drink one night next week when the kids are in bed? x

Send it tonight. We are invested.

Bless you. You’re laying your heart on the line, I appreciate that. I get the impression you are able to talk to this man about personal things? If not, it may be a bit too intense. Perhaps a paraphrased version of this?