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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

436 replies

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 16:58

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

OP posts:
nosleepforme · 09/11/2025 18:33

Woah, that was an emotional rollercoaster!

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 18:35

Thanks all, I've not sent it. You're all amazing for responding. And yes I have considered I've got bipolar! Bad week at work and just so bloody lonely. But yes very desperate 😭 apologies all, a moment of madness and I so appreciate all your replies x

OP posts:
Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 09/11/2025 18:36

Please don't send that. I don't mean to be unkind but it's overly verbose, needy and serious. Just ask him out if you like him!

Mumlife2019 · 09/11/2025 18:38

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 18:35

Thanks all, I've not sent it. You're all amazing for responding. And yes I have considered I've got bipolar! Bad week at work and just so bloody lonely. But yes very desperate 😭 apologies all, a moment of madness and I so appreciate all your replies x

It honestly sounds like you need to learn to love yourself first! Be happy and comfortable yourself before you consider meeting someone x

FanfictionFan · 09/11/2025 18:39

I have second hand embarrassment just from reading your post, I hope you change your mind and don't send it for your sake.

QueenClinomania · 09/11/2025 18:40

Im really sorry you are feeling so low but fuck me thank god you didn't send it!!

Brainstorm23 · 09/11/2025 18:40

Have you thought about sending an 8 minute voice note?

topcat2014 · 09/11/2025 18:41

Men are simple creatures (I'm one) skip all the therapy speak..

mylaganlove · 09/11/2025 18:42

Oh my GOD.

NO NO NO NO NO.

Why should he value you if you are signalling so strongly that you don't value yourself?

It's not cute or sweet to sound so self-loathing.

(The short version of what you wrote is: I was picked on when I was little, I'm going to complain a lot about my ex, I'm the sort of woman who doesn't deserve much, I'm a bit fixated on you but doubt myself so am possibly bananas... and it goes on and on.)

Is it really a good idea to invite someone to your house who you don't know that well, for a first date?

Think about a better way to signal interest, e.g. a thank you card/bottle of wine at the end of term if he's volunteering for something your kid does. Then see if he responds. And first dates should be somewhere public.

MoominMai · 09/11/2025 18:43

Mumlife2019 · 09/11/2025 18:38

It honestly sounds like you need to learn to love yourself first! Be happy and comfortable yourself before you consider meeting someone x

I agree with this. Talking from experience, I also think OP should work on the loneliness issue and have a routine with activities or something where she’s able to enjoy her own company. I say this because otherwise your bar is lower with men and you’re tempted to overlook red flags because you ‘can’t handle being alone again’.

5128gap · 09/11/2025 18:43

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 18:35

Thanks all, I've not sent it. You're all amazing for responding. And yes I have considered I've got bipolar! Bad week at work and just so bloody lonely. But yes very desperate 😭 apologies all, a moment of madness and I so appreciate all your replies x

Top tip. There are some things that are best kept in our own heads, written down for our eyes only, or confided in only to those we have a relationship of trust with.
I'd put into this category anything to do with our deepest emotions and vulnerabilities.
To everyone else, no matter how much they appeal to us, we show our top layer only, then bit by bit reveal more of ourselves as trust builds. Start light, cheerful and superficial and maybe one day this man may earn enough of your trust to hear what's in your heart. But not yet.

PinkPonyClubDancer · 09/11/2025 18:44

Way too much waffle and too much putting yourself down. Be more confident and concise then send. Good luck!

TheAlertLimeSnail · 09/11/2025 18:44

topcat2014 · 09/11/2025 18:41

Men are simple creatures (I'm one) skip all the therapy speak..

I'm a woman and if a man sent me a message like that I would make a mental note to actively avoid them (sorry OP, you may well be a lovely person but I would find that level of oversharing strange and unnerving).

Anna1mac · 09/11/2025 18:44

Jeesus wept.

mylaganlove · 09/11/2025 18:46

Just about every line is wrong. Don't tell someone you've been sweet on them for nearly a year!

RoamingToaster · 09/11/2025 18:47

Glad you’ve not sent it. Most people don’t like people who send out the message that they’re pathetic and desperate which are the vibes that gives off. You don’t want the ones who’d like that message.

AhBiscuits · 09/11/2025 18:47

He would run for the hills if you sent that. May as well just send a massive red flag.

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 18:50

I also am sort of laughing at myself and how pathetic I am. And as we have spoken many a time , thought if he liked me , best to show my true shit. But seriously , I won't do anything because I think he would have already done it already if he liked me. He also suffers from low self Esteem and says he doesn't like texting. But I'm guessing that might be just something he has said to me as a sort of apology for not replying to my texts before. Not like this by the way just simple things like can you take L to training tonight. Anyway, your all right , very self indulgent boring twaddle. I'm so sorry all, thanks ..

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 09/11/2025 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

singthing · 09/11/2025 18:54

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 18:50

I also am sort of laughing at myself and how pathetic I am. And as we have spoken many a time , thought if he liked me , best to show my true shit. But seriously , I won't do anything because I think he would have already done it already if he liked me. He also suffers from low self Esteem and says he doesn't like texting. But I'm guessing that might be just something he has said to me as a sort of apology for not replying to my texts before. Not like this by the way just simple things like can you take L to training tonight. Anyway, your all right , very self indulgent boring twaddle. I'm so sorry all, thanks ..

OP, have you ever thought about writing in a way that doesn't repeatedly, persistently keep putting the boot into yourself?

You have worth and value, so please stop treating yourself like shit on your shoe.

Covacsy · 09/11/2025 18:56

You sound really nice OP, he obviously confides in you.

Just be really friendly and chatty when ever you see him.

Who knows? Smile

huskeysleigh · 09/11/2025 18:56

Fuck me NOOOOO. Do not send that - it makes you look like a neurotic mess.

Channel Catherine Trammel vibes- cool, collected, unbothered, sexy.

shhblackbag · 09/11/2025 18:56

singthing · 09/11/2025 18:54

OP, have you ever thought about writing in a way that doesn't repeatedly, persistently keep putting the boot into yourself?

You have worth and value, so please stop treating yourself like shit on your shoe.

Agree. Really sad to read and you'll end up believing it. Treat yourself better.

newnamehereonceagain · 09/11/2025 18:58

‘Hi there, hope you’ve had a good weekend. Freezing/wet/sunny here. Let me know if you fancy going for a drink later on in the week. ‘

PGmicstand · 09/11/2025 19:01

newnamehereonceagain · 09/11/2025 18:58

‘Hi there, hope you’ve had a good weekend. Freezing/wet/sunny here. Let me know if you fancy going for a drink later on in the week. ‘

Absolutely this.
I'm a huge overthinker but there are times when you have to shelve all the chatter.
You like him, he seems to like you. If you don't ask you'll never know.