Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

Now go and read WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH - it spells out succinctly what posters here are trying to tell you - including strategies for escaping this cycle of neediness and disappointments.

You're not pathetic OP. Just best not to share that as others have said it leaves you very vulnerable. One can be honest without giving all away.

I do think it would be good for you to have some therapy, as self worth comes from within, and it's hard to have a decent relationship without it.

You deserve some help in learning that you are worthy and valuable. You don't deserve to look outwardly for scraps of attention to try to feel good.
Learn to love and respect yourself first my dear.

You are worth it

JFC delete that immediately.

That text wouldn't appeal to an emotionally healthy man.

But what you really need to address is SAFETY. You were about to invite someone you barely know into your home where you have your children sleeping, for a drink. You may have known him as an acquaintance for a few years. But you have no idea what he's like one on one.

You meet him or other person out in a public place. Tell someone where you are and when you will be back and have a friend you can text in case things go south. You do this for a while. You have dates. Take your time to get to know him. But not around your kids.

Yikes - nooooo!
Just ask him if he wants to go for a drink/coffee either in person or text. Do not send a very long waffly message which gives him too much information about you - he’ll think you’re weird!

So if you take him at his word then

1. He has low self esteem so this is wrong: "I think he would have already done it already if he liked me". He's probably as scared of rejection as you are, in which case you have to make the first move.
2. "he doesn't like texting" Then if you text he may feel too overwhelmed to reply, or he may say the wrong things because he doesn't know how people express themselves in text and all those unwritten rules about texting. Seems like a recipe for misunderstandings, especially when combined with your tendency to overthink. Talk to him instead. Practice in the mirror being as breezy as possible. Don't build it into a huge scary thing for either of you.

You have got to be kidding. This is alarming and screams manic episode

Sounds like Britney Spears crazy ramblings 😂

If he has low self esteem you want to steer clear of this man anyway. He will be such an emotional investment to even keep stable, never mind functional. Are there any other men who might be single as a Pringle and open to a possible dalliance with yourself? I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you 🤞

He hasn't acted cos he may feel he's not worthy if he has low self esteem.

Def send him a text asking him round for a drink.

I hope the short text works xxx

Your're all right , to some capacity
Even the more harsh messages. But all helpful.
He's also quite hot, and I probably just fancy him. I know him better than maybe I expressed. But only as friends. But I trust him. But then again maybe that is because I haven't read these books you've recommended.
Oh the joys of being a 40 something single Mum. Oh, and I don't look like much, more of an Irish wallflower.
I will probably do nothing because the fear of rejection is too much and I'm going to.have to see him twice a week, and as some of you have said I'm a red flag and so is he. Also, apologies for any grammar errors this time!

Do not press send.

Have you texted him a few times to no response OP? You mentioned you'd asked him to take one of your little ones to training.
There's no harm asking if he'd like to go for a coffee one day after the school run. I would avoid drinks in the evening for now as its more casual. How about something like
"Hey X, fancy coming for a coffee after drop off on X day? Would be good to get a proper chat for a change! No probs if you dont havectime tho. OP"

This is the kind of message you send when you want someone to request a restraining order against you.

Good lord I’m so glad you didn’t send that. That’s one for your journal, not for anyone else.
just ask. Don’t cut yourself down- it’s not cute, it’s awful and it puts the burden on someone else to make it better. It is very uncomfortable, even if he were interested in you. If you say “you’re probably not interested” and all that, I’m sure it feels like you’re protecting yourself (no one can surprise you with rejection if you reject yourself first), it is really a horrible feeling to anyone else on the receiving end. If they were interested, hearing “do you want to go get a drink” or whatever, that “you’re probably not” immediately crushes it into something crawly.

and don’t try to control someone. “If you don’t respond, I’ll take that as a no” and then “please don’t respond” is just a whole lot of red flags.

the way to get to know someone and have them get to know you is NOT this. These things take time and patience and working on your own self-love. This just comes across as showing someone your victimhood and trying to be cute, like a backhanded “everyone is so mean to me but see? I don’t deserve it” and it’s weird.

If I did fancy someone and I got that message from them I'd be thrilled.
It's from the heart

The text is way too much!! Ask if he wants to come for a drink when he’s free

I think it's a huge red flag that you've said he also suffers from low self-esteem. First of all, how do you know that? If it's something he likes to put out there, there could be a lot of reasons for that, none of them good. And if it's true, he needs to get some help for it before he thinks about dating and inflicting his insecurities on other people.

Even if he genuinely does have low self esteem and has just overshared, two vulnerable and needy people getting together is a definite recipe for disaster!

It would be better for you to get some therapy and work through your own damage before looking for another relationship. Then you won't be subconsciously seeking out someone with similar damage. Your children really have to come first here. They don't need to see you in a relationship that is doomed from the start.

If I got a text like that, I'd be a bit scared - and I definitely wouldn't fancy them any more.

Don't feel bad, deciding get feedback on this text before sending it actually shows you have good judgement.

Just see this draft as a way of expressing yourself and pouring your heart out. I often write texts or emails, knowing that I'm not actually going to send them.

But, there's nothing wrong with simply asking this man "hey, do you want to come round for a drink tonight?". He might say yes!

It'll never happen if no one asks. There is no shame. Every single relationship asks with somebody asking. If makes his excuses, you've done absolutely nothing wrong or embarrassing. Just carry on as normal as if nothing happened (because nothing did happen).

If he genuinely can't come but would have wanted to, he will see this as a green light to ask you himself in the future.

Don't send it.

A) you were drunk and emotional when you drafted this
Or
B) you are 12 years old
Or
C) your response in 15 words only

I will probably do nothing because the fear of rejection is too much and I'm going to.have to see him twice a week, and as some of you have said I'm a red flag and so is he.

But then you will never know his feelings. You are not at all pathetic or a red flag. Your long text with too much info, sent out of the blue, might have been perceived as one though - probably what posters meant. Like others have said upthread a "do you fancy meeting up for a drink sometime?" type of thing sounds more natural. If he says no, it probably will feel embarassing at the time, but it's not that big a deal, and he might say yes.

edited to make sense

😂

@BeBe05 "Hi T. Would you like to go for a drink sometime soon?"

Do it! The worst that can happen is he says 'no', and you carry on as before.