Am I being too sensitive about not being engaged after 8 years?

[effiedora381]

I don’t know if I’m just being hormonal due to it being time of the month soon or if this is something more.

I have 3 young children with my partner and we have been together now for nearly 8 years. We have a home together, children so a whole life. We aren’t engaged and while I don’t wish to have a huge pricey wedding (I only have a couple of close friends and we don’t have a big family) I would like to get engaged and go on to get married eventually.

We have kept putting off getting engaged as the kids are so young (I don’t want to get married straight away but this has always been the excuse). I feel like I’m in a small minority of people, especially as I’m only in my 20s, whose long term partner hasn’t proposed to them.

We were at a family friend event last week and my SIL asked him when he was going to pop the question, he turned round laughed and said “erm, no” which was followed by laughter from a family friend I was sorting one of the kids at the time so pretended not to hear but I was obviously so embarrassed.

I’ve spoken to him about it today and just said do you see us getting engaged etc, to be met with “it will happen just not yet” so I’m now like am I overacting, do I need to just wait it out or am I just asking for the bare minimum and not getting it?

Sorry wrong post

You're trapped, unfortunately.

@effiedora381

Actually - in your place - I'd NOT get married. You own the house, you have 3 kids - and this guy is clearly not that committed. So - in the long term, this relationship is unlikely to survive. Sorry to be blunt.
You got together as teenagers, I presume. And had been having kids in your teens/early 20s. These sort of relationships run unto issues by mid-late 30s.
And at that point you'll he'll have a claim on half of YOUR house.
Do you really want this?????

Good thing is that you are young - and have a marketable profession. In a few years, when your kids start nursery/school - DO get back to work, even if part time. So you are ready when you'll eventually need to support yourself.

My advice - don't think of marriage as some sort of romantic gesture on a man's side. If he wanted that - it'd have happened already. It didn't.
Remember that marriage is largely an economic contract - normally used to protect the weaker and more vulnerable party. And if he owned the house - that would be you.
However - here - it's you who have an asset that needs protecting.

If you do decide to get married - DO speak to a lawyer. See what you can do to ringfence the house - put it in a trust for your kids, or something. Do not be silly and romantic and think that YOUR marriage is different and forever.
Most are not.