Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

How certain are you that it was an accident?

I’m not sure that is an accident? By reflex you mean the child hit them and they hit back? Adults should be able to control their temper and not resort to violence

@Hollietree I don't think he would ever intentionally hurt our children. However he gets so angry with them a lot and I did warn him if he didn't get on top of his anger this may happen one day. Accident or not.

What did he actually do, OP?

Did you get medical attention for your child ?

That doesn't sound like an accident to me. It sounds like partner has made an excuse and you are in denial that he's hurt your child.

Many parents get hurt by their child without hurting them back.

@Bluehummingbird no think, child hurt him, he kicked out via instinct on injured part of the body, child got flung back and hurt in the process

What was the injury and did you see a doctor ?

He ‘accidentally’ hurt them back by ‘reflex’? That’s not an accident. Let me ask you, if your child hit you on purpose, would you hit them back by ‘reflex’? How big was the injury? 🚩🚩🚩 for me

What injury did he inflict? I don’t think I could trust him with either the 3 year old or baby on his own. He slept soundly & has since blamed the child. Sounds like he has a short fuse & can’t cope with small children without lashing out.

That sounds like a deliberate move to hurt your kid. Not a reflex. What a shit.

I agree it does not sound like an accident!

Can you tell us the injury?

It is worrying that he showed no remorse and slept soundly! Was he really not concerned about what he did?

Surely he will have to go to on an anger management course as you and your kids will be on tenterhooks for ever more? and frankly, in danger.

Toddlers often lash out in anger and frustration. What about the next time your dc does so and partner retaliates? How can you trust him not to cause an even bigger injury?

@Sccrumb and you still think it was "accidental"?? Sorry but that's a deliberate act. You need to get some help and get away from this man.... pronto

Tell it like it is rather then speaking in ‘vague’- you know he assaulted your child, so just write it down

Bollocks. He kicked your child and by the sounds of it, caused a head injury.

Your child needs A&E assessment (even if it were a complete accident, which it wasn't) and he needs arresting.

One incident is one too many in my view. I wouldn’t put my child at risk, so I would have to separate/ leave. Kicking a child full force is not an accident, stop making up excuses.

You're in denial, OP. I'm sorry, this just have been a shock, but you need to put your child first. A grown adult is in control of themselves and can decide not to react when a child hits them. This man just doesn't want to control himself. He's abusive. You need to leave so that your child can grow up feeling safe and loved at home.

That's not an accident. You cannot live with your partner for your child's safety.

You need to leave, I would also recommend doing The Freedom Programme.

Hope the child has seen a doctor.

This will happen again, please admit what you know deep down to yourself and remove yourself and children from this man. That you mention his anger as relevant shows you do know what’s actually happened here.

That doesn’t sound like an accident at all.

He is an adult and controls how he chooses to react to other people’s actions.

Him being angry towards your children on a regular basis should be enough for you to leave him.

Your child is not safe with this man.

FFS. Protect your child.

Alfie Lamb and Star Hobson had mothers who didn’t protect their kids from abusive partners either.

Your child has no one looking out for him except you, and you are making excuses for the man who hurt him - and you admit you saw it coming! He is 3 years old and you are not protecting your tiny child from an angry, violent man.

Hopefully your son doesn’t become a news article too.

Sorry, I didn’t answer your question.

What do you do now?

You make sure this NEVER happens again. You call the police and report it. This big injury that stopped you sleeping because you were scared for your child. You leave this violent man, who will hurt your children again and again if you stay with him. You press charges. You certainly don’t marry him. Then you tell people why you aren’t getting married.

Think about it. A small child is hurt by an adult who hit them or otherwise hurt them in reaction to the child hitting them first. Are they going to be let off in court because it was a 'reflex'?!??!

You need to remove him from your life now. As of today.