Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

I do believe accidents like that can happen. When DS was 3 he had a phase of biting when angry. Except this time he launched himself and a standing DH and bit DH’s groin and his penis (over his clothes!). DH’s instinctive reaction was to push him off, but he DS fell back over a toy behind him and hit his head on the wall.

At the time I was furious but it really was an accident and an instinctive reaction.

So it is possible this was an accident. But the issue was your partner had anger brewing inside him all day and lashed out. That’s what makes this worse - would the same thing happen if he was calm, and why can’t he control himself with a small child?

OP, read your posts again and imagine these were written by someone else. What advice would you give them? Please listen to what other posters are telling you. This was, by the way you have described it, no accident. You must protect your children.

Leave this man he’s abusing your child.

You can get your head around it, you don't want to. I'm sorry but posts like yours make me angry. You know that your children are at risk - you are not stupid, but instead of doing something to protect them, you are making excuses for your husband and joining in the warped narrative of 'its the child's fault'. No parent should have to 'step in to protect a child from the other parent', It's a shame that they are too young for school, as they absolutely would tell a teacher or somebody. I suspect you will keep them at home from nursery (assuming they go to nursery) until the injury heals, or have been telling them that 'daddy didn't mean it, it was an accident' so that they have their story straight in case anyone asks. You need to think carefully OP, because by blindly defending him, your DC could be taken off you. They absolutely should not be around him, but you don't sound much better to be honest.

@LilySad91 child seems okay. Keeping a close eye and staying with them all throughout the day and night.

He can't be near the children with anger issues. He needs to leave, today.

I didn’t take it out of context, what you wrote wasn’t very clear and didn’t sound great.

You need to get away from this man. Please say you took your DC to hospital? Head injuries, if that’s what it was, can be really serious even if the child is acting ‘fine’. I’d call my GP for advice or the NSPCC or social services. You’re in denial - your partner assaulted your child.

This is not normal!

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Turn it around. Say this had happened at nursery or school what would you do?

@Roverbarks it was exactly like that. DC managed to bruise partner through his clothes. I imagine it did hurt and I can imagine partner would jolt from it.

You are knowingly, by this very post, admitting that by staying with him, you are continuing to put them at risk. You have a legal duty OP to keep your children safe.

Please, seek professional help for this. They will support and guide you. If your partner can admit that he has a problem and wants to address it, they can support him with that. Him denying his responsibility to his DC who are vulnerable means that abuse could still happen in the future.

No OP. There is no way you can spun this story to make it ok. It wasn't an accident, it was deliberate. He deliberately kicked your infant child because he was angry with them, causing them to be so injured that they should have seen a doctor. If you stay with this man you are enabling serious abuse of your child.

@Mrswhiskers87 I'm sleep deprived, stressed and an anxious mess. Sorry if I'm not articulating myself very well.

Through his actions. When adults hit each other and one of them hits the ground and dies it is a crime…

It doesn't matter if your child is high maintenance it still shouldn't happen you are excusing his behaviour and you won't learn till it's too late. I am now stepping out of this thread because all you are doing is making excuses for him. I hope Mumsnet trace your IP and report you to social services.

As others said you and your children are not safe around this man. It is not normal to lash out at a four year. The reflex excuse is crap and you know. He did what he did on purpose. The fact that he was able to sleep peacefully afterwards and him expecting you to take his side sums up the kind of man he is.

If you were so worried about your child it kept you awake means that you should get him checked by medics. Not all injuries are visible.

What you are describing isn't an accident, it's a grown man losing control. Your instincts are right. Don't marry him and start making plans to leave.

The language you are using is very minimising- "our child got injured from falling onto something" as if it's just something that happened rather than the result of being kicked by an adult man.

It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night.

This isn't an accident. And your child needs medical attention. Put them first, not your partner.

If your child needs medical attention later, and you failed to seek it, you will also be held accountable.

Please do right by your child, in more ways than one.

Have you sort medical attention/care/advixe? Many have asked you and you don’t seem to have answered.

Sort of hoping this thread is a wind up tbh.

Please heed other posters and seek medical help for your child. I have been in similar situations with my abusive ex husband who would blame the children for his violence. He ended up strangling my daughter and is now deemed too dangerous by children’s services to have any contact with any of our children or me. Social care will support you as the protective parent, but for them to do this you have to be the protective parent and put the children above your relationship. Do not choose the abuser, choose your child, protect your child.

Your minimizing it op
His anger lead to this
I would not marry a man like this
Has your child been to hospital or been seen for his injury yet ?
If not school will notice it ,this week,I suggest you explain to school before they see it .
All your explanations in your post ,are you trying to excuse him
We all know he is an adult and responsible for his actions,it is not a tit for tat situation...he should not need that spelling out ..the fact he did ,and still he argues back is awful
You will end up with social services involved if you stay with this man , because he is not accepting responsibility for what he did and he is clearly not sorry either

From NSPCC website @Sccrumb
"What is child abuse?
Child abuse is when a child is harmed by an adult or another child – it can be over a period of time but can also be a one-off action. It can be physical, sexual or emotional and it can happen in person or online. It can also be a lack of love, care and attention – this is neglect."

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/

A man who can’t control his anger with his children is also a man who can’t control his anger with his wife. I expect he’s a bully and abusive to you, and now the children. None of this is isolated - but it’s come to a head with domestic violence against a small child. Take the child to hospital and tell them everything. Or sadly, you’re enabling the abuse by default. I know it’s hard, but you’ve no choice.

Does your child have a head injury? That you haven’t had checked out? Is that because you know that by doing so it is likely that questions will be asked? If your child had had a similar injury at “Football Tots” where it is obviously a genuine accident then would you get them medical attention?

So you don’t believe your child? Get a grip. Put your child out of harms way.