To ask out cute cafe guy or not...

[Sodthesystem]

So, I was out for lunch with a friend the other day and there was this guy I notic

And what's the catastrophe if he does turn out to be gay/too young/disinterested?

Do people just go through life worrying so much about 'what ifs' that they can't function. Must be exhausting.

What if he's 27, sweet and funny and my future husband? Sure, probably not haha but id rather have a glass half full optimism than go through my life worrying about what might not work out.

Well too young for me is utterly ick, same if it was some dude in his thirties hitting on a teen, but you do you.

i can’t grasp why you’re so against just talking to him a couple of times, seems like you know deep down this isn’t a go.

Im not necessarily against it, it's just not the sort of place you can do that. The seats aren't near the counter and it's a busy place quite often.

If it was a small intimate cafe maybe conversation could be struck up but as is, no.

I could go in a few times and get coffee and maybe say a quick hi every time bit then surely that'll make him uncomfortable if I proceed to ask him out and he's not into it as I'm a regular.

I'd rather just go and shoot my shot and not go back.

And it's not the same because he's not a teen.

@Sodthesystem I’m afraid your thread title immediately made me think of this! 😁 (oh and go for it, he can always say no!) think yiu have to click through to watch on YouTube, if it doesn’t work look for Taylor the Latte Boy, Kristen Chenoweth

then this…..

When are you going to ask him out?

Younger men often have an older woman fetish.

@Sodthesystem i think if it were me and I was totally bewitched by someone but only ever saw them in a workplace be it cafe or office, then I’d probably try to casually get to know them by putting in the work that would negatively impact the person the least - if that makes sense. So me personally, I’d probably try to strike up ‘safe’ convos about it by mentioning it is/is not unexpectedly busy, recommendation as you’re bored ordering same thing but have a dislike fir such and such ingredients, what’s most popular drink, are they changing hours for Xmas/NY etc. and then if he’s quite chatty and confident then you can introduce maybe interests and naturally go from there to figure out if he is even single and actually your type. You never know he might have an annoying laugh or I dunno something that makes you decode not to shoot your shot anyway! And you’ll be able to gauge if there’s any attraction to you his end to help you decide. That would be a much less stressful approach for you both i think. Good luck!

You seem determined that it's fine to make a move while he's at work, so good luck and I hope you get a date out of it

I have a holiday coming up so probably not till I get back.

Some time in the next month maybe. I'll have a quick visit, scope it out a bit, and play it by ear from there. Might decide he looks too young or gives off a gay vibe. Assuming he's even on. He could be a part timer.

It's not a priority but I'll probably give it a try.
Life's short. Especially for old grannies like me trying to date students apparently xD

You're not going off him are you?

So why are you on here thrashing it out?
If you genuinely had no reservations (you really should have), you’d have done it already without asking anyone was it ok to do it 🤷🏻‍♀️

No. When I was at uni in my early 20s I had a couple of jobs, one as a waitress, one in a clothing shop and it was really uncomfortable when I was asked out by customers, especially much older ones. Leave him alone.

If someone did this to me I would assume it was a joke and no way message that number

Just ask him on Monday - can't wait that long to find out. 😄

Haha well I'm going in to get my eyebrows done mid week so I guess I could pop in then. Before my face is red raw. But I won't have any makeup on and I feel you want to look half made up at least before asking someone out. For the confidence boost if nothing else. But time permitting I'll maybe go and grab some tea and see if I can gather a bit more.. tea.

Yeah just do it! You can't get arrested for it right?

You sound like a fun romantic sweet person OP, reminding me of ...me :-)

I know though if I was this excited about a guy (and you are) actually the waiting days/hours/weeks to see if he calls would be painful esp if he never does call.

I feel protective of you in this situation as you are planning to put yourself out there without feeling your way through it first.

i am this those saying go for it, but not in the way you have planned - be more artful. Go there for your daily java, find innovative ways to strike up casual conversation, banter back and forth a bit - get a name , add to social media, see what he is like based on his social media pages once you have friended him - current gfs, lifestyle etc - at this point you may still be interested or actually you might not be

Then from the position of an acquaintance or a new friend - go in for the kill. Dont do it from the vantage point of a stranger.

If youre going to play the game (and you should in this instance) , then always only ever play to win.

If he's that cute then it's likely he already has a girlfriend or a boyfriend or maybe a long-term partner.

You've seen this guy just once; you haven't spoken to him and you know absolutely nothing about him. It all sounds a bit desperate given you are 35.

I've slept on it and I think you should just go for it

Wouldnt it be better then that you start going to the cafe a bit more often?
You'd have the chance to find out more about him potentially through casual chat while waiting for your order. Or get a feel if he might be attracted to you.

I remember about 10 years ago really fancying a man working in our local pub.
Age gap about 5 years so not quite the same

I wrote my number on a piece of paper And stuck it to my empty glass and then put it on the bar when he was walking past to collect.

Got a reply later that night

"Hey. Got your number lol. Love the confidence. Youre gorgeous but don't quite have the equipment im into. Fancy a coffee next week"

He was gay but we've been good friends ever since!

This. I can’t work out why she’s so determined not to speak to him first.

I've already answered that several times. It's not necessarily that I don't want to speak to him first it's that it's not the sort of cafe you can.

Think of like a huge, busy Starbucks where all the seats are nowhere near the counter.

It's not a small intimate cafe where you could strike up convo.

I’m struggling with the logic, you can’t speak to him, but you can pass him your number? You can’t go in when it’s quiet and speak to him at all, but you can find a quiet time to pass your number?