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Original poster

Husband’s wants to lunch with another woman

295 replies

GEW · 30/10/2025 01:59

My husband wants to take another woman who I don’t know, but I think she’s unmarried, out for lunch because it was her birthday. I will be sat at home whilst he has lunch with her. It feels odd. I told him it was weird but he didn’t listen. I have been upset all day and decided that if he insists on going I will tell him I am also going out for lunch with someone else. I won’t actually meet anyone but I will go out. I set my clothes ready tonight before I went to bed. He asked where I was going tomorrow. I said I was going out to lunch with a man if he was going out with this woman. He went ballistic accusing me of jealousy turning it all around on me. Am I wrong to feel like this?

OP posts:
popcornandpotatoes · 30/10/2025 07:48

Honestly op it seems lunch with this woman is the least of your problems

Thesteinwaysyouvebeenleadingmeon · 30/10/2025 07:49

Suednymph · 30/10/2025 07:46

If he got so angry he broke your glasses then for one he is deflecting but for two you have serious other issues if his first port of call is to fling your glasses across the room.

A violent act to shut op up.

BCBird · 30/10/2025 07:50

My partner having a birthday meal with a former colleague of the opposite sex would not bother me in the slightest. The violence and secrecy is a big worry OP.

itsraining2024 · 30/10/2025 07:50

I wouldn’t be happy either why’s he taking her to lunch? Why can’t you go with a friend? If it’s okay for him it’s okay for you.

SmallestGnome · 30/10/2025 07:51

GEW · 30/10/2025 07:16

She used to be the office PA before he sold the business. We are both at home all day now being in the fortunate position to take early retirement. The last child has gone to university. He will actually be leaving me at home to take this woman out to celebrate her birthday which was a few days ago. I asked if she is married and he deflected. I will be sat at home whilst he wines and dines another woman. Recently I found out he goes cycling with her. I actually thought he was going in his own since his male cycling buddies have given up. He had let another female name slip. I know this second woman, I used to work with her and I trust her. I thought if they were all in a group it was ok. It’s the one to one that’s worrying. Also I’ve never been invited on these girly cycles which I find weird. I do have my own sport which takes up a great deal of time. A row most mornings with a male rowing partner. So I have cut him some slack as I know what it’s like to train with someone of the opposite sex. However we are training for an actual event and i wouldn’t dream of phoning my rowing partner up and asking him to go lunch alone with me. That would weird and raise a number of eyebrows. I don’t know the woman he’s going for lunch with. I’ve never spent time with her and I wouldn’t recognise her.

I replied without reading this update, but having read the update it solidifies my belief that these are just two friends having dinner. Being at home all day and not socialising through work or hobbies can be quite isolating. It's good to get out and see other people. I wouldn't worry about it being a date.

ComfortFoodCafe · 30/10/2025 07:52

GEW · 30/10/2025 07:38

He just kept shouting, “Am I not allowed any friends? You want to control me etc etc. He was vibrating with anger. He took my glasses and through them across the room and broke them. I just kept repeating that it was weird, it felt wrong and please could he ask his male friends for their opinion. Would their wives be ok with it. Would his sister or mother be ok with their husbands doing this? He just got angrier and angrier. A long time ago he didn’t return home from the works Christmas do. I was at home with the kids. The Christmas do was a short taxi ride away. I have asked him if he slept with her then. He’s always denied it. I don’t know if he genuinely booked a room and didn’t tell me or if he stayed in hers. He’s never encouraged me to meet her and when I called in at the office he’d get me out of there quickly. It was close by. He’d never let me work there even though it’s what I used to do and I was very good at it. I made him give my friend , the second woman a job as she was brilliant at what she did and her husband kicked her out of his house with 2 small children and a breast cancer diagnosis.

He took your glasses & broke them? Fuck the other woman, i would be heading to a solictors office this morning and filing for divorce.

Soontobe60 · 30/10/2025 07:54

NumbersGuy · 30/10/2025 04:36

He asked where I was going tomorrow. I said I was going out to lunch with a man if he was going out with this woman. He went ballistic accusing me of jealousy turning it all around on me.
OP what would you expect him to do? He wouldn't have told you his plans if it was something sinister he was trying to hide from you, which you made it out to be, which is why he got upset because you exhibited nothing but jealousy since you said you were "upset all day" about it. Men don't think taking a female out to lunch for their birthday is nefarious, and you admit from your post that he didn't bother asking about who you were to potentially have lunch with. Only telling him that you thought it was odd. Have your own lunch outing, enjoy yourself, and let him have his on his own. I doubt he'll ever mention anymore outside interactions again - male or female, for fear you'll have him on an inquest every time.

I don’t know any man in a relationship who would think to take out a woman for lunch that his partner had never met. It’s unusual to say the least! And as to ‘he wouldn’t have told you his plans…’ have you even heard of gaslighting? He’s telling her to deflect.

supersop60 · 30/10/2025 07:54

The secrecy is worrying. Why did he not tell you about the cycling? Why did he not explain about the Xmas party overnight? Why did he get angry and violent? Classic deflection. If there was nothing in it, he should have reassured you.
It IS weird.
Does he have other female friends?

Whyherewego · 30/10/2025 07:55

KickHimInTheCrotch · 30/10/2025 04:59

Obviously we don't know enough about how he knows her to judge if he is being unreasonable to take her to lunch. But I think the fact that he's openly telling you everything is a fairly good sign. You are being, on the face of it, over dramatic and petty by pestering him about it all day and faking a date with another man to try and make him jealous.

This !
The woman may be 50 years older than him or lesbian or an old friend etc. Who knows without details.

AngelicKaty · 30/10/2025 07:56

Whyherewego · 30/10/2025 07:55

This !
The woman may be 50 years older than him or lesbian or an old friend etc. Who knows without details.

Show quote history

If you'd bothered to read all of OP's posts you'd find out the detail.

itsraining2024 · 30/10/2025 07:57

SmallestGnome · 30/10/2025 07:51

I replied without reading this update, but having read the update it solidifies my belief that these are just two friends having dinner. Being at home all day and not socialising through work or hobbies can be quite isolating. It's good to get out and see other people. I wouldn't worry about it being a date.

Show quote history

But why he get so defensive? Why the secrecy? Why the aggression? He’s hiding something.

AngelicKaty · 30/10/2025 07:57

SmallestGnome · 30/10/2025 07:51

I replied without reading this update, but having read the update it solidifies my belief that these are just two friends having dinner. Being at home all day and not socialising through work or hobbies can be quite isolating. It's good to get out and see other people. I wouldn't worry about it being a date.

Show quote history

Pity you didn't read all of OP's posts - there was another one after this but before your post.

Screamingabdabz · 30/10/2025 07:58

PucaBandearg · 30/10/2025 07:38

I agree with you @StepAwayFromGoogling - I feel like I woke up this morning in an alternate universe where everyone overnight went mad.

I reported the posts that were aggressively rude to you. This thread is ridiculous! Does no-one trust their partners anymore?

Show quote history

You’re such cool girls.

OP’s husband is clearly as innocent as a lamb spending all that time with another woman, talking her out for lunch, probably shagging her at the Christmas party and getting inappropriately aggressive when his wife questions it. Yep no red flags to see there at all.

beAsensible1 · 30/10/2025 07:58

BlueJuniper94 · 30/10/2025 07:14

What? This has to be a joke, isn't Omegle like chat roulette and brimming with dodgy pervs?

Exactly. Such a weird suggestion.

Viviennemary · 30/10/2025 07:58

Of course not. I would seek a divorce if he wants to date another woman.

Catsknowbest · 30/10/2025 08:00

UpDownAllAround1 · 30/10/2025 02:24

So you dont trust him

Totally not the point. Why would any bloke think its perfectly ok to take another woman out for a birthday lunch, and don't start saying everyone is allowed friends. Its just not on in my book.

HillOf · 30/10/2025 08:02

StepAwayFromGoogling · 30/10/2025 06:27

What are you talking about?! My DH has female friends. He goes out to eat with them. What on earth is wrong with everyone on this thread?!

Show quote history

DH is away for ten days in the US with work and went out to dinner with a female friend last night. I saw a French film with a male friend last week (Jane Austen Wrecked My Life — bit odd) and went for a drink afterward. No footsy or snogging.

SmallestGnome · 30/10/2025 08:03

AngelicKaty · 30/10/2025 07:57

Pity you didn't read all of OP's posts - there was another one after this but before your post.

Show quote history

The page didn't refresh due to me still typing. It seems OP updated while I was typing. It's a common thing on forums.

SpanThatWorld · 30/10/2025 08:04

Luna6 · 30/10/2025 07:41

If you regularly read MN you will see that nine times out of ten there is no smoke without fire. Why can’t the wife join them for lunch if it is so innocent? I have good male friends too but my husband would always be included for a lunch.

Show quote history

I have good male friends. My husband has never been for lunch or a drink with any of them. Same as he doesn't come out when I go for lunch with female friends.

I don't think MN is particularly reliable as a baseline for comparisons with real life and nine out of ten is just a figure plucked from the air.

Lots of us manage to be married and keep our trousers on.

Horses7 · 30/10/2025 08:05

Go with him and meet her - why would he not want you to do this if it’s all innocent? I would be very unhappy/annoyed. if H did this!!

JeminaTheGiantBear · 30/10/2025 08:05

It sounds like this relationship ran its course many years ago and all that’s left is dislike, pettiness and anger.

Yes throwing someone’s glasses is wrong & intimidating. It’s a form of violence. But anyone who doesn’t recognise the thoroughly unpleasant tone in the OP’s remarks - the malice, the childishness & pettiness - is being wilfully blind.

(And yes, going out to lunch can be a sign of romantic involvement- or it can be a simple friendship. If my partner had lunch with a female friend I’d ask how she was, not perform some weird pantomime of jealousy. Laying out clothes for an imaginary date tomorrow - seriously? Like a petulant 8 year old?)

Divorce can be an opportunity to restart life free of the shackles of a poisonous, bitter relationship. Sounds like it’s needed here.

HillOf · 30/10/2025 08:06

Catsknowbest · 30/10/2025 08:00

Totally not the point. Why would any bloke think its perfectly ok to take another woman out for a birthday lunch, and don't start saying everyone is allowed friends. Its just not on in my book.

Show quote history

Because it is perfectly OK? Certainly in my world and the world of people around me. And we don’t live in some world of routine affairs. It is perfectly possible to just go for lunch with someone without lunging at them across the crudités.

Figgygal · 30/10/2025 08:07

HillOf · 30/10/2025 08:06

Because it is perfectly OK? Certainly in my world and the world of people around me. And we don’t live in some world of routine affairs. It is perfectly possible to just go for lunch with someone without lunging at them across the crudités.

Show quote history

Agree my husband even goes away for weekend with one of his female friends as they have shared interests.
Doesn't bother me bevause I trust him.

The glasses thing is out of order of course!!

CowTown · 30/10/2025 08:11

Plenty of Cool Girls™️ on MN today.

dontlikethings · 30/10/2025 08:15

I'm sorry that you're going through this, OP. I too would not be happy, and I'd be very upset and angry at his response when you tried to say how unhappy you were. I don't like the sound of this. The way I see it, there are 2 possible things you could do

  1. 'Let' him go and carry on as before with your life
  2. 'Let' him go but makes plans to leave

Frankly, after the way he has spoken to you, and his violent anger, I would start making plans to split up. I think he is either having or wants a relationship with this woman. He may try to blindside you in the future by planning a divorce and hiding assets while you are in shock when he makes a sudden announcement. I say, get clever and visit a solicitor. You do joint own your home? Have you both pensions?

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