Be honest- would you judge this?

[Hairybiked43]

Maybe I’m being a judgey cow🙈 but would appreciate your thoughts.
my long time best friend had a baby a few weeks ago. The guy she got pregnant too was a fling and she hasn’t really heard from him since she told him she was pregnant. Shes been online dating the whole pregnancy. She met a man 2 weeks before her due date and now they are in a relationship, all over social media with ‘family’ style posts, I’m sure everyone assumes he is the dad.
she said it’s better to date when the baby is young and “won’t remember anyway” if they split up.
Shes a 39 year old woman not a teenager

And this is your best friend?

This is how you treat your best friend… starting a gossipy mumsnet thread to debate her life choices?

I mean I’m more worried for the baby but ok 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sure you are, that really came across in your OP 🤔

So you see no issue with any of it? Having a virtual stranger round your baby?

🙄

What’s the eye roll for? I’m honestly asking. There’s so many risks now with ‘step’ parents I just don’t think it’s worth the risk and as well this is the key attachment time for a baby with its parent

For what it's worth, yes I'd judge. I wouldn't like the idea of one my babies playing happy families with someone that has no ties to them and will more likely than not disappear from their lives for good one day.

I hear you OP. I am sick to death of women who put their love life and desire for attention above their children, especially in a situation like this where she has known the man for weeks at best.

Concerned
How to support your best friend
What, if anything, to say to her.

All you are asking is “would you judge”?

It’s irresponsible and potentially dangerous to do what she’s doing and of course you’re worried and people will and should judge it. Anyone defending it presumably has similar morals and disregard for a newborn’s safety. Wtf is up with the weird man who’s muscling in on a woman a couple of weeks before she has a baby and then moving in? Are they going to pretend he’s the dad to the child? The whole thing is grim.

I try to support her. I’ve spoke to her and said the things I have above and her answer is the child won’t remember anyway

You’re completely right.

Yes I’d absolutely judge. The statistics around partners of the parents harming children, especially new partners, are eye watering.
Id probably speak to my friend rather than start a thread about it though.

Sounds like the father is also a virtual stranger.

I wouldn’t think this was a sensible life decision and would be concerned about her, assuming she’d worried deep down about being a single parent.

what I’d not do is start a thread judging her and inviting others in to do the same.

that I do judge.

And you’ve presumably spoken seriously to her about the risks, not just started a thread asking strangers to judge her too?

I would be very concerned for the baby.

Time and time again these horrendous incidents of child murder and abuse cases involve situations where the man involved is not the natural father of the child and is introduced into the home when the child is extremely young.

Optimistic

I have spoke to her, back even when she was just saying generally and now about the new guy. She says he’s a good man and will be good for her and the baby. Our other friends seem to think this is a good move for her so I seem the odd one out.

probably the wrong wording for the title…maybe should have said ‘would you also be concerned’ as I genuinely am

Yes of course anyone normal would judge. She’s essentially already fucked up her child’s life.

I also judge the people who don’t see any wrong in this situation.

So this is all completely out of character behaviour for your best friend of many years?

Grow up.
you don’t seem too worried about this situation so I’m also judging you

You? Judging? never! 😆

Yeah she didn’t do this the last 10 babies she had…

it’s her first child so yes new behaviour