Be honest- would you judge this?

[Hairybiked43]

Maybe I’m being a judgey cow🙈 but would appreciate your thoughts.
my long time best friend had a baby a few weeks ago. The guy she got pregnant too was a fling and she hasn’t really heard from him since she told him she was pregnant. Shes been online dating the whole pregnancy. She met a man 2 weeks before her due date and now they are in a relationship, all over social media with ‘family’ style posts, I’m sure everyone assumes he is the dad.
she said it’s better to date when the baby is young and “won’t remember anyway” if they split up.
Shes a 39 year old woman not a teenager

Pity the new mum who has the OP as her best friend

I don’t think it’s great, no (putting it mildly)

BUT, I also can’t believe this is the only indication she has given to being aligned with this type of behaviour? I’m sure there will be a well established pattern here, and this isn’t completely out of the blue…

Yeah I’d judge. Him, her and anyone else who thinks it’s normal.

Yes, honestly I think anyone on here who is defending the friend’s actions is also fairly likely to be a poor parent with shit boundaries.

Your friends new squeeze will soon lose interest once baby is born

Why? Because she's on an anonymous forum expressing her very real fears for her friend's questionable decisions?

I guess if she just ignored it all that would make her a better friend would it?

Expressing her very real fears?

The OP is just asking if you would be judgey about this scenario.

In subsequent posts she spoke about her fears for the baby.

I would judge! Of all the men I know, all of them would run a mile from this situation so the cynic in me would question his motives.

Hmmm...

I wouldn't.

She's leaving herself and the child very vulnerable.

I don't think it's a matter of judging, it's a matter of concern.

It's not for me and I am one of those who worry about the risk step fathers potentially bring so I'd rather stay single just incase ... . BUT

My step dad got with my mum when my sister was around 2 weeks old. She already had me and my other sister ( 2 & 1 ) ..... they split up when I was around 15 ( over 15 years ago ) but to this day we still frequently spend time together, I still call him dad, he still classes me as his daughter, my kiss call him grandad

It just depends if your willing to risk it or not isn't it, my mum took a gamble and it went well for her, I'd rather not take that gamble as I'm frightened

Because her OP had been picked up as unpleasant as it was and so inevitable backtracking began

Honestly, starting a thread about your supposed best friend, a new mum of just a fortnight, and asking a chat forum “would you “judge” rather than “how can I help? Support? Any advice” , speaks volumes about the OP

Oh, get over yourself.
It's an anonymous forum, she's not running round her local area talking about it or gossiping with mutual friends.

People come on here to ask about things or say things they don't feel able to say in real life - it's the point of the forum in the first place and why we have made up usernames, not our real names.

I am sure you too are a great best friend

I find it odd a man would be interested in a heavily pregnant woman, as in dating her... My thought, does he have a kink or is there a darker motivation..

Yes I am actually.

And i'm not holier than thou. I realise that everyone feels a degree of judgement/confusion or whatever about other people's life choices & sometimes they need to express it.

Lots of people gossip behind each others backs, others might post on an anonymous forum. I know which I prefer.

Yes OP I would be very concerned for her. As others have said it’s a safeguarding/risk concern. It’s well known some men target vulnerable single mothers to access the children. Hopefully this isn’t one of those cases but she’s taking a massive risk in my opinion and I’d be concerned it’s because she is feeling so vulnerable.

This isn’t “people”

This is the OP’s best friend who became a first time mum a fortnight ago

Pedantic much?
You know exactly what I mean
🙄

Same here. I would judge her for producing the child from a brief hookup. That’s a terrible thing to do for many reasons.

I just can’t imagine even being inclined to start a thread asking a chat forum if they, like me, judge my best friend who became a mum a fortnight ago.

Each to their own all that

I am with you @Hairybiked43and would be really concerned about his motives and would have spoken to my friend, but would continue to support her.

That said I have a friend who introduced her 3 year old to her 'boyfriend' of 3 dates when he slept over on Christmas Eve and they are still together 15 years later.

And while everyone is bickering on here about the OP’s motives and wording, the friend is still putting her newborn at risk by allowing an almost complete stranger access to them. That’s the issue here.

Well we can’t do anything only the OP can

and the Op is a little preoccupied with other thoughts it would

I didn’t say we could do anything. And it sounds like the OP can’t either… she’s tried talking to her and it’s fallen on deaf ears. My point was just that there are far more important things in this scenario than the wording used in the OP’s post, and that’s the fact that this woman is potentially putting her newborn at risk.