Be honest- would you judge this?

[Hairybiked43]

Maybe I’m being a judgey cow🙈 but would appreciate your thoughts.
my long time best friend had a baby a few weeks ago. The guy she got pregnant too was a fling and she hasn’t really heard from him since she told him she was pregnant. Shes been online dating the whole pregnancy. She met a man 2 weeks before her due date and now they are in a relationship, all over social media with ‘family’ style posts, I’m sure everyone assumes he is the dad.
she said it’s better to date when the baby is young and “won’t remember anyway” if they split up.
Shes a 39 year old woman not a teenager

Mumsnet is a wild place

I wouldn’t give a shit, I’ve got enough of my own problems to worry about.

I stopped caring about what other people (even friends and family) do years ago. I’d she’s making a mistake, she’s making a mistake. It’s her life.

Yes I'd be worried about my friend OP. She is that baby's only real parent and that's where her focus should be. She doesn't know this man and even without a baby rushing is never a good idea.

As long as he doesn't move in with her I'd leave her to it and assume it will fizzle out.

OP, I get you. I would wonder what was going wrong for my friend if she behaved like this. Pregnant after a fling and keeping the baby - fair enough. To then throw yourself into dating and then creating a faux family with a man she barely knows is worrying.

It Sounds to me like she is worried about managing on her own or is desperate for “normality.”

In your shoes, all you can really do is be there for your friend and support if/when this goes horribly wrong.

Yes, I would be very concerned too.

I think all you can do is subtly keep an eye on things and be there for her. Only time will tell, but it is, in my view, odd for a number of reasons, for a man to put himself in this situation.

Not sure I’d judge.

It would be so completely out of character for anyone I’d be friends with that I’d be very very concerned about them.

Does she have her own place @Hairybiked43 ? I’d not judge but I would worry he might be taking advantage of her if he moved in sharp.

What's judging going to do though.
Its not going to make her stop, its just an opinion.

Also her baby's life though...

Yes, I'd judge and likely give her my opinion too.

Completely agree.

I’d be concerned. It’s a well known thing that abusive or predatory men often target women with young children, or may be even just men who aren’t taking things seriously and don’t intend to stick around for long so aren’t bothered.

Having anyone she hardly knows around at this time is a huge lapse of judgement on your friend’s part.

Ps I was going to say I wouldn’t judge…but I realise I am judging right now, so….

Yes I'd judge but I'm from a maternity safeguarding background.

I don’t think it’s bad to judge behaviour that is objectively foolish and selfish 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jealous? Why is this always the go to when someone voices concern?

As if she's jealous of the situation her friend is in.

I think it’s put forward as often it is soaked in jealousy. I’m not sure this is though, it might be, but I feel the op is feeling rather superior to her friend.

I agree.

Honestly, yes I would judge this.
Only to myself and she wouldn't be my best friend.

Why is she being so judgemental then? It sounds like OP is saying the friend doesn't deserve a nice partner because she made a bad choice in getting pregnant with the first bloke.

If the judgypants fit....

Your poor friend needs a better friend than someone who posts her personal situation to MN. When it's picked up by a journalist, I'm sure she'll thank you.