Lied about his height

[rubberduck68]

I went on a date last night (met online). In his profile he said he was 6ft (I have nothing set for height restrictions) but when he turned up I knew he was not 6ft. My ex-husband, family members and male friends are 6ft. I know what 6ft looks like. I’d put him at 5ft 10” on a good day. I asked him about it and he said, “I’m 5ft 11” seemed silly to worry about an inch.” I don’t care how tall he is, but I am worried that this is an indication that he will lie about other things too? I don't date the men who put in their profile “Not really 55, 65” as though my chosen age filters are not important. Is this the same?

Anyone dated someone who lied about this online, and they turned out to be an honest, okay guy?

This is a lie in the sense that wearing a Wonderbra, or knocking a few pounds off your weight (if asked), or putting a filtered photo online, is a lie. It's based on silly insecurity and none of us should do it but it's not exactly a devastating, unforgivable deception.

In an ideal world all of us would be perfectly happy with our height, weight, looks, body shape and be able to rise above shallow people who'd filter us out for those things. We don't live in that world.

For me this would have been the start of a potentially interesting conversation about what body insecurity looks like from a male perspective.

OP is entitled to date or not date whoever she wishes though. If you can't get past this you can't get past it.

Funnily enough I have a first date this evening with someone who claims to be exactly six foot. Will be interesting to see whether that turns out to be the case!

That did occur to me at the time - but I didn't check!

I think we also need to accept that when we use online dating , you really have no idea what the person looks like until you meet them

We all use our best photos on tinder

Men have told me that they have met women off tinder who looked nothing like their photos

I look really nice in my tinder photo
It is me , i didnt use any filter. However i had just come back from a holiday in spain. I looked great. I dont think i look as good now!

They all say six foot on their dating profiles these days!

I wouldn’t worry about this. Men sometimes put 6ft on dating profiles because otherwise they don’t get a look in. In this case, he’s right that an inch or two doesn’t make any difference.

Met someone who said he was 5’11 and was about 5’8. He also said he was a non smoker, which was also a lie. Any remote possibility of a second date died when the wine arrived and he asked, “shall I be mother?”

Perhaps he thinks he is 5. 11. I haven't been measured since I was a child . If I have to tell someone my height I say what I think it is. I might be wrong but. I'm not lying.

Take a tape measure! I had one man lean forward and inspect my face before saying, "I thought you'd used a filter but your skin is actually good for your age." I've been called fat, had my clothes criticised. I really didn't think a gentle ribbing about a height fib was out of order, and I was gentle. He did retaliate by asking me how I'd know what six foot was anyway, and I said my ex-husband was. I wasn't rude at all. He called it "silly" and shut the convo down by changing the subject. You need thick skin to OLD.

Weirdly I keep coming across profiles of men who are way over six foot. Or so they claim.

There is a photo of this chap in shorts and it's plausible his legs are long enough for him to be the height he claims. We shall see...

😂

I did Internet dating for about 2 years, at 5ft 9 and a bit think I let might have let the 1/2" inch go. You have to be 100 % honest because your soon going to be found out. Some of the boxes that you fill in are actually in centimetres which may round them up. Height is an issue for some people as are other physical traits. We like what we like which is fair enough.
Men are aware that height is a favourable attribute to have however everybody's body is different. Putting a couple of inches on yourself is rather daft though. I did date a woman that said she was 46 but was actually 50.

I’m 5”8 and only attracted to tall men (shoot me).

Out of all of the physical traits men expect of woman, I don’t feel bad at all that I’m not attracted to short men. Quite frankly, I would rather stay single than sleep with a short man.

It’s the lying that chimes alarm bells for me. What else will they lie about? And no, I wouldn’t lie about my weight if pulled up on it. I’m 9 stone and they’re welcome to weigh me.

Also big red flag when their photos are from years ago. I upload recent photos and always one without makeup.

I once went on a date with one who claimed to be 6”2 and was 5”11 at a push. He had the nerve to say I bet I’m the tallest man you've been with. Won’t forget his face when I replied XH was 6”8. 😂

I wouldn’t “rib” anyone before getting to know them. Why put someone on defensive when you’ve barely met them?

This is a really standard lie that men say, and I don’t even think they realise they are lying. I think a lot of them actually convince themselves they are the height they say they are as they are so paranoid about being short.

Why lie to someone when you haven't met them? I'd say he's big enough to take it, but who knows?!!

I would consider the lying too much of a reg flag. A colleague dated a man who knocked 10 years off his age on his dating profile. To be fair, he did look 10 years younger and was successful and dynamic. He explained he didn't want to be relegated to the 60+ bracket of retired slipper wearers. So she continued to see him. It did not end well - he turned out to be abusive and controlling. I just think starting on a lie is such a terrible start. Honesty and decency are 2 basic requirements in a life partner - don't waste your precious time on a liar.

I spent half my life thinking I was 5ft 2 and then DH measured me when measuring our kids and we found out I was actually 5ft 3. I’m lucky he didn’t file for divorce after the scale of my measurement mess up and percentage error. It is a shame I didn’t meet OP when I was young as she would have definitely spotted it.

He might be honest, but delusional…

I am absolutely with you OP. Went on a date with someone who said they were six foot. They were two inches shorter than me, which in itself wasn't a deal-breaker - but the lie was. Had a second date and other profile untruths came out, at which point I ended it.

I think men lying about height is sort of the same as people who lie about having children (as in, don’t say that they do, or say that they don’t) on dating sites. Both are things which are obviously going to be apparent fairly early on, so why lie? If someone is shallow enough to have a 6 foot requirement, why would the man bother wasting his time? Likewise, if you have kids and want a relationship, what do you think is going to happen if you mention on the third date that actually you have a couple of kids? I don’t get it at all.

Depending on the age of this man, I’d see it as a sign of emotional immaturity at best, or a propensity to “bend the truth” (aka lie) at worst. If he seems good in other respects I might give him another date or two to find out more. But it would be a bit icky either way.

Met my DH online too. He lied about everything! Things that generally wouldn't matter. Small, insignificant stuff. Things you could overlook.

Dear reader, turns out he was a pathological liar. Nothing he told me was true! He was trying to impress me/inflate himself whatever...

It did not bode well.

I'm sorry to say, if he's lied about his height, not a huge deal, he will lie about everything & anything!

If that’s the only ‘lie’ then I wouldn’t see it as a red flag. Height for men is a thing. It’s akin to women’s weight.

@rubberduck68 not sure why you’ve been given such a hard time when all you’re asking is after uncovering a lie, whether it’s enough of a red flag to not continue.

Personally, at 52 now, my tolerance is a lot less than before. It’s not the lie but the fact the person is so comfortable with telling it and then just wafting it away like well, what’s in an inch like lying is no big deal. Also, if he’s already approx 5’ 10 as well which is hardly ‘short king’ territory, it makes it even odder he feels the need to add an extra inch on. Makes me think he’s insecure and combined with easy lying for me personally I would move on. To not have to start off uncovering a lie is the bare minimum I’d expect. Good for those PP happy to excuse it but not for me.

How old was he?

Many middle aged men have trouble facing up to the fact they have lost an inch or two in height, especially if it sends them under the magic six foot.