Page 11 | Lied about his height

rubberduck68 · 2025-10-27T10:29:12+00:00

I went on a date last night (met online). In his profile he said he was 6ft (I have nothing set for height restrictions) but when he turned up I knew he was not 6ft. My ex-husband, family members and male friends are 6ft. I know what 6ft looks like. I’d put him at 5ft 10” on a good day. I asked him about it and he said, “I’m 5ft 11” seemed silly to worry about an inch.” I don’t care how tall he is, but I am worried that this is an indication that he will lie about other things too? I don't date the men who put in their profile “Not really 55, 65” as though my chosen age filters are not important. Is this the same? Anyone dated someone who lied about this online, and they turned out to be an honest, okay guy?

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:00

Blodwynne · 27/10/2025 14:53

She just queried him lying about his height - which maybe takes some nerve. I'd suggest he's relying on the fact that she wouldn't. That's what people do. Yes, he replied that focusing on the idea of the need to be accurate about height was silly. He's gaslighting her and now you are too - at length.

Edited

Show quote history

nonsense. so many of you are SO incredibly paranoid. this poor hapless middle-aged man fudged his height in a forum very well known to winnow people by height, maybe in hopes of meeting an understanding person eventually.

Instead he's made out to be a gaslighter, sociopath trying to "trick" women into dates and "relying on the fact that she wouldn't" have the nerve to challenge him.

Maybe he was just relying on the hope that he would meet a decent person who understands the challenges of OLD and can understand someone trying to spruce up his image.

He didn't pretend to be single and then show up with a wife and kids stashed in the caravan in the parking lot.

And how big of a "lie" is it when the truth will be apparent within 10 seconds of meeting?

EasyTouch · 27/10/2025 15:01

Alpacajigsaw · 27/10/2025 11:28

Well perhaps if women weren’t so shallow and obsessed with dating tall men they wouldn’t feel the need to lie? But as always, on here women can do no wrong. Maybe I’m a bit sensitive about this as my son is 5ft 10 and it’s depressing to think that shallow women would think he’s not worth dating as he’s not 2 inches taller

You'll have bigger issues if as a woman you have decided to demonise women and their choices just because you had a boy child who you seem to think is entitled to a girlfriend, no matter what a woman thinks.

"Boy mums" do my head in almost as much as they do the heads of the women who yoke themselves to their sons.

Original poster

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 15:03

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:00

nonsense. so many of you are SO incredibly paranoid. this poor hapless middle-aged man fudged his height in a forum very well known to winnow people by height, maybe in hopes of meeting an understanding person eventually.

Instead he's made out to be a gaslighter, sociopath trying to "trick" women into dates and "relying on the fact that she wouldn't" have the nerve to challenge him.

Maybe he was just relying on the hope that he would meet a decent person who understands the challenges of OLD and can understand someone trying to spruce up his image.

He didn't pretend to be single and then show up with a wife and kids stashed in the caravan in the parking lot.

And how big of a "lie" is it when the truth will be apparent within 10 seconds of meeting?

Show quote history

” poor hapless middle-aged man.” There is nothing hapless about a deliberate lie.

OP posts:

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:04

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 13:49

Why lie to someone when you haven't met them? I'd say he's big enough to take it, but who knows?!!

Show quote history

He didn't lie "to" you. He described himself (long before he met you) somewhat inaccurately, because it's axiomatic that a lot of people won't consider dating a shorter man. And it's not like a munchkin from Oz turned up.

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:05

gannett · 27/10/2025 13:35

This is a lie in the sense that wearing a Wonderbra, or knocking a few pounds off your weight (if asked), or putting a filtered photo online, is a lie. It's based on silly insecurity and none of us should do it but it's not exactly a devastating, unforgivable deception.

In an ideal world all of us would be perfectly happy with our height, weight, looks, body shape and be able to rise above shallow people who'd filter us out for those things. We don't live in that world.

For me this would have been the start of a potentially interesting conversation about what body insecurity looks like from a male perspective.

OP is entitled to date or not date whoever she wishes though. If you can't get past this you can't get past it.

Perfectly stated.

Original poster

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 15:05

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:04

He didn't lie "to" you. He described himself (long before he met you) somewhat inaccurately, because it's axiomatic that a lot of people won't consider dating a shorter man. And it's not like a munchkin from Oz turned up.

Show quote history

Sorry you’re quite right, he lied to hundreds of people - that makes it so much better. Also, he did lie to me because there is no way in hell that man is 5 foot 11.

OP posts:

Blodwynne · 27/10/2025 15:05

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 14:56

No, that's not the definition of "gaslighting."

He was dismissive but he wasn't trying to make you think you were losing your mind.

You seem very worried about being taken advantage of or "lied to." Personally I would not consider someone's online profile, made before they ever knew I existed, a "lie" directed to me.

And another thing about "ribbing." One of my former co-workers, now retired, is a man in his late 60s, about 5'4". He is nice-looking, kind, knows how to do all sorts of things from handyman / DIY to art to gardening. He is a good friend to all, generous to his niece and nephew, a good person.

But he has never had a relationship or family because his macho, sociopathic and tall dad made his life a living hell over his height, from adolescence onward, jeering and bullying him and telling him how shrimpy and useless he was, and how no one would want him, and how he wasn't tall enough to do "manly" things around the house. (I am acquainted with his sister who privately corroborated all of this.)

He has felt unattractive and ugly for the past 50 years, and was conditioned to see himself as "less than" most other men.

He actively gets uncomfortable when talk turns to height, even if it's not directed toward him (for example at a work lunch, a colleague was talking about how her daughter already was taller than both her and her son). He finally saw a therapist a few years ago for 24 months and seems to be much more at peace with himself. But I imagine if a new acquaintance had taken it upon herself to "rib" him about fudging his height on a profile, he would have a big setback.

That's one reason why I never 'rib' anyone about physical characteristics.

Show quote history

Gaslighting is where you laugh off someone else's perceptions or reaction as if they are mistaken or deluded. You minimise their reaction, creating a false narrative so they question themselves, make them second-guess themselves, question whether what they thought was reasonable.

Original poster

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 15:08

Blodwynne · 27/10/2025 15:05

Gaslighting is where you laugh off someone else's perceptions or reaction as if they are mistaken or deluded. You minimise their reaction, creating a false narrative so they question themselves, make them second-guess themselves, question whether what they thought was reasonable.

Show quote history

That’s exactly what gaslighting is. They will make you seem “silly” or unreasonable for raising the point.

OP posts:

Twatterati · 27/10/2025 15:08

The lack of honesty would be an issue for me. At the heart of every good relationship is trust (whether it’s family, friend, colleague, romantic partner, child, your doctor etc).

He’s shown early on that he’s ok being economical with the truth and that doesn’t bode well IMO. He’s also made it clear that it’s so close to being true, you’re unreasonable to be put out by it.

Other ‘almost truths’ in the future could be -

“It was only a couple of beers…” “I don’t gamble much at all…” “she meant nothing…” “I’ve not got any debt…” “I definitely want children…” “let’s get married one day…” and on and on.

OldLondonDad · 27/10/2025 15:10

I think OP you are not cut out for online dating. It will get a lot worse than an inch of height exaggeration.

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:11

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 14:59

The situation is not comparable to work colleagues or friends at all. Men who lie often fit the framework of controlling and abusive men, and women have to be careful how they select at the outset to avoid them. Online dating is at one end of the spectrum frustrating and the other end of the spectrum for women dangerous, and we have to decide in a short space of time what we’re dealing with.

Show quote history

I guess I don't go through life with that level of paranoia.

AsAliveAsYouNeedMeToBe · 27/10/2025 15:12

Jeez, have I died and went to heaven, full of sanctimonious superior beings, or something. So most of you NEVER lie, ever, to no one? And some dude adding an inch is such a deal breaker?

You never wiggled out of unwanted meeting with friends/family/whomever, fibbing covid/illness/being horribly busy, but actual reason was you couldn't be arsed? Never lied straight to those angelic children's faces, praising their artistic endeavours when in all honesty, they're simply shit? Never lied to a friend, who 'do I look fat in this'd you, when she actually is the size of the house? Someone who asked to guess their age and you took 5 years off, knowing fully well that's bullshit? And so on..

Well ok, I must be a terrible unpricipled liar then, because I do lie, I lie all the time, all the small white lies as per above and more. And this dude's one inch wouldn't bother me at all. Insecure, wanted to pass the arbitrary 6ft height filter, what's the big deal. I could see the point if he'd be 5'5 in reality, but 5'11?

Plenty of women are size 10 (maybe 20 years ago), plastered in slap and filtered to high heavens on those apps.

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:13

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 15:08

That’s exactly what gaslighting is. They will make you seem “silly” or unreasonable for raising the point.

Show quote history

Doubtless he was referring to himself, not you, as "silly." Or the whole height obsession overall.

Anyway I hope you find someone pure and honest enough to meet your standards and boundaries!

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:14

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 15:05

Sorry you’re quite right, he lied to hundreds of people - that makes it so much better. Also, he did lie to me because there is no way in hell that man is 5 foot 11.

Show quote history

Oh, good lord. Where is the eyeroll emoticon when we need it.

FartSock5000 · 27/10/2025 15:16

@rubberduck68 give him the benefit of doubt and chalk this down to an older man who is deeply insecure about presenting himself OLD and fibbed over an inch in height and a few on the waistline.

Tell him that you like him but that honestly is really important to you and you'd like to go on a second date but that if you do, he needs to start fresh and just be his authentic self with no more fibs.

That way he can relax and you'll see the real him - not the anxious, nervous version who thinks he has to tell you what he thinks woman want to hear.

You can then decide after date 2 if he is worth seeing again.

Blodwynne · 27/10/2025 15:22

I wonder what the male perspective on this is.

Original poster

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 15:25

No5ChalksRoad · 27/10/2025 15:14

Oh, good lord. Where is the eyeroll emoticon when we need it.

Show quote history

🙄

OP posts:

JosephineBoneApart · 27/10/2025 15:25

Look at it this way OP.

If this was such a big deal as you're making out, other women would have picked him up on it already and he would have changed it unless he's totally stupid.

You seem to ignore the fact your behaviour could be seen as rude. Even if you were right ,morally , to take offence, making him feel uncomfortable within minutes of meeting is not a nice way to behave, IMO. Because he would have felt uncomfortable, hence his 'retort'.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 27/10/2025 15:37

GoldDuster · 27/10/2025 10:51

I've got an alternative perspective, as a female friend of some "short" men. There is an obesession with dating six foot plus, and while it's pointless to lie unless you're going to wear platform shoes on the date, it does get you on a date in the first place.

What you make of this is up to you, for me it wouldn't be an indicator of someone with bad character, would he be worth a second date otherwise, this aside? Personally if I was a man under six foot I wouldn't be interested in wangling a date with a woman who was as shallow as to prescribe six foot plus men only.

I agree with this.

I would give him another chance but if he lies again then that would be it for me.

JosephineBoneApart · 27/10/2025 15:40

and if he said as you've quoted, the 'silly' was not at you.
He meant it was 'silly' not to upgrade himself to 6 ft because it was only an inch.

It wasn't you he was calling silly.

I'm shocked a whole thread is based on gaslighting when so many posters have misread.

IF you've quoted correctly the silly refers to 'It was silly not to add an inch' [because I'd get more views of my profile].

In other words 'Why not add an inch to make it 6ft, I'm almost there .'

Carodebalo · 27/10/2025 15:49

The lying would really put me off too, OP. It’s not about the height, it’s that he lied to you. Maybe it was a “genuine” little white lie, but you don’t like lies. I don’t like them either.
The only way to know if this was his one and only lie, or if there are more to come, is to go on more dates with him. Still, I’d probably stop seeing him. I’d find it so off-putting (the lying, not the height). Add the gaslighting (calling you silly), and no, I wouldn’t want to see him again.

Imbrocator · 27/10/2025 15:50

If he’s prepared to lie about something so trivial then either he’s very insecure or seeking the kind of woman who is invested in height as a measure of a good partner. Neither are attractive qualities. The fact that lots of women filter by height isn’t license to lie to them, it just means that they’re not the right woman for you if you’re shorter than 6ft.

The fact he tried to pretend you were being silly about it rather than embarrassed at being caught out and telling you honestly why he did it would put me off.

gannett · 27/10/2025 15:54

rubberduck68 · 27/10/2025 14:59

The situation is not comparable to work colleagues or friends at all. Men who lie often fit the framework of controlling and abusive men, and women have to be careful how they select at the outset to avoid them. Online dating is at one end of the spectrum frustrating and the other end of the spectrum for women dangerous, and we have to decide in a short space of time what we’re dealing with.

Show quote history

Do you actually think a man who massages his height a bit (or a woman who uses filters on her photos or whatever) is a likely potential abuser or are you over-egging the pudding massively now.

The normal reaction to this is an eyeroll, not to act is if he's committed sacrilege for 11 pages and counting.

Allmarbleslost · 27/10/2025 16:12

Ive known a few men to lie about their height over the years, including my BIL who insists he's 5ft 8 when I'm 5ft 6 and he's shorter than me! I'd be inclined to let it slide if the date was otherwise ok. Proceed with caution though.

idkwhattodoanm · 27/10/2025 16:13

When I was dating back in the 90-ies, it was a common thing even then!