Is it okay to have a casual relationship with someone that might cause upset in the family?

[sweetsandcakes]

The man in question is my mum’s cousin. Think he is my 2nd cousin. Share about 0.5% more DNA than the general population would do at random so technically not very genetically linked

My mum is very, very easy going but I wonder if this would cause trouble if word got out. Think that side of the family are extremely easy going and friendly. But maybe they’d enjoy the drama of this if they knew. Or if a pregnancy came out of it, for example. I get the sense we are the type to revel in scandals! That’s not going to happen and just an example of how the family dynamic works

He is older than me. Bit younger than my mum. My mum did have me fairly young.

Like many families nowadays, they saw each other a few times a year as children. But possibly see each other once every few/5 years at maximum now. We met at a family event in the summertime. I am now late 20s

This is possibly going to lead to sex. Maybe. Currently messaging each other random stuff. I like him a lot. Definitely want to sleep with him. Can’t and don’t want anything serious, for so many reasons, not just because we share a family tree!

Wondering if my mum will find this somewhat amusing or possibly upsetting? I don’t know. I share absolutely everything with her usually and we are good friends.

OP, are you only messaging about bands and other day to day stuff, or is it explicitly flirty on his part? Is it possible that he’s just been a kind and friendly older relative, and doesn’t realise you want to shag him?!

If he is flirting, I’m afraid I’m another who thinks it’s pretty icky.

Which group, the Royal Family?

Grim and backwards to be honest.

Definitely genetically linked. As part of her mum’s generation he is almost like an uncle too.

What in the Jerry Springer is this? 🫣

This is too close a kin @sweetsandcakes and a little bit weird. Just don't do it.

Yes. This. ^

No, I think he is your 1st cousin once removed (which is when there's a generation slip, regardless of actual age). So, if I'm right, your grandparent would be his parent's sibling?
1st cousins share the same grandparents, 2nd cousins the same great-grandparents.

It's up to you.

You can avoid pregnancy, surely. Make sure you do!

Your mother doesn't need to know.

My thoughts exactly 😂

bye bye lunch 😩

This is disgusting, you share over 3% DNA with him. Your mum and him have the same grandad - if you had kids that same grandad would be their great grandad. Your mum would would the kids grandma and 2nd cousin.

Whoah, it’s a bit game of thrones.

Id look a bit further afield if I were you.

I'm so laid back I'm horizontal, and I'd go absolutely ballistic if one of my cousins had sex with my daughter. I'd be the same if one of my close friends did it to be honest as well.

It's the fact that they'll have known you as a child, it's just a bit grim to be honest.

Where have you got that first part from?

I think you’re getting an unnecessary bashing here, OP.

But for clarity, how old is he exactly, and how old is your mum?

I would say its okay. Although family that are already upset are going to cause huge problems down the line in your relationships. Unless you can get the family to accept and like your man.

Besides the ick factor, I don't get the impression you have carefully considered the risks of people finding out. You and cousin X might have a disagreement, he might be petty and spiteful, one of you might want more than the other, he or you may tell a friend who passes the information on etc etc.

I think the chance of this remaining between the two of you is less than 1%.

And I think your mum will be hugely upset. This is really not worth it. Focus on changing your situation so you do have opportunities to meet men if that is something you want.

You are related, dress it up all you want but you are. No just no.

OP, you are jumping through hoops to try to have sex with your cousin. Say that out loud a few times. It sounds absolutely desperate and delusional for a shag. He is a member of your family that attends events you do and isn't some mysterious distant relative you never met or will again. Your first post seemed like you just met him. Now your posts read that you know him very well your whole life and his parents are close to you too. That is just grim.

You are also being coy about the age difference and that is so immature. You know if you say it you will get more extreme responses. You also haven't just told your mother, again immature as no one knows what she will say. I will guess however telling your mother you want to fuck her cousin for some fun might not go over well for good reason. I would personally kill my cousin, second cousin, first or second cousin once removed if they went near my daughter or son.

Get a grip and find someone who isn't on your family tree to shag. It isn't that hard to find a quick shag with no strings attached.

It's really grim, OP. Don't go there.

@sweetsandcakes go shag a non-relative. You know it makes sense.
Or are you getting a kick out of the idea about shagging your cousin?

😂😂

It's not clear that he even wants to be part of this freak show?

Wanting to be involved with someone desperate to fuck their relative isn’t usually on someone’s bucket list! It’s usually at the top of the red flag list!