Is it okay to have a casual relationship with someone that might cause upset in the family?

[sweetsandcakes]

The man in question is my mum’s cousin. Think he is my 2nd cousin. Share about 0.5% more DNA than the general population would do at random so technically not very genetically linked

My mum is very, very easy going but I wonder if this would cause trouble if word got out. Think that side of the family are extremely easy going and friendly. But maybe they’d enjoy the drama of this if they knew. Or if a pregnancy came out of it, for example. I get the sense we are the type to revel in scandals! That’s not going to happen and just an example of how the family dynamic works

He is older than me. Bit younger than my mum. My mum did have me fairly young.

Like many families nowadays, they saw each other a few times a year as children. But possibly see each other once every few/5 years at maximum now. We met at a family event in the summertime. I am now late 20s

This is possibly going to lead to sex. Maybe. Currently messaging each other random stuff. I like him a lot. Definitely want to sleep with him. Can’t and don’t want anything serious, for so many reasons, not just because we share a family tree!

Wondering if my mum will find this somewhat amusing or possibly upsetting? I don’t know. I share absolutely everything with her usually and we are good friends.

Awful. Wean yourself off of him by playing ‘Duelling banjo’s’ in your mind every time you think of him.

My god no. The world is full of men we don't need to start shagging our relatives

I think when someone is part of an extended family it’s a no no for dating, whether they are blood or not (for example if he was a step cousin or a divorced uncle) it’s not morally (genetically?) wrong, it’s just a social faux pas, and will likely make people uncomfortable.

Are you really that desperate you’d go there?

I’m assuming he knew you as a baby and child, that’s what makes it so much worse than just the usual is this age gap too big question.

I really hope you started drinking early and this is a wind up.

You are not second cousins. You are first cousins once removed.

He's almost as old as your mum.

You're trying really hard to talk yourself and people here into accepting the notion that this won't be a very big deal -
"Family would only be upset because they like 'drama'"
""Second cousin"
"Mum had me young so there's really no ewww factor in the age difference"

And you're clearly not thinking of this as a 'casual relationship' because you are considering he ramifications of pregnancy.
Are you pregnant already?
Your first cousin once removed sounds like a predator.

Carry on as you wish. You clearly don't want to be talked out of it.

If you were my daughter I'd be horrified that you were seriously considering embarking on this relationship and I'd be feeling murderous toward my cousin.

Agreed. A really hot man moved in on my road when my sister and I were house sharing and we had a drink with him once, she joked she was going to make a move, and then we found out he was our second cousin, adopted. Obviously she then treated him like FAMILY!

(our home town is quite small and we're from a big religious family so this was not as much of a coincidence as it sounds lol)

Just because you could doesn’t mean you should. The fact it isn’t illegal doesn’t really make it right. This man may not have seen you regularly but he will have seen you grow up
from being a child and assuming for example your mum was 20 when she had him that would put him in his late 40s or early 50s. Nothing good will come of this and if it doesn’t work out it can and will cause family feuds.

My best friends cousins, not blood related to each other but grew up together as if family have got together and it’s caused a bit of a rift in the family. It will only get worse if/when they split. Your lust isn’t worth the potential damage that could arise… it’s an inappropriate crush.

Surely there must be someone else out there for you apart from some old creepy family cousin 🤮

Beat me to it!!!

Shagging a family member, even a distant cousin, is seriously grim. Your family members will - rightly- definitely think less of you both if they find out.

If he's your mum's cousin, then he's your first cousin, once removed.

In some parts of Scotland and former Yugoslavia he would be regarded as your uncle.

So I just want to confirm he isn’t my first cousin. He is definitely my second cousin, double and triple checked

It is difficult for me as meeting opportunists are harder to come by and time is precious. I just really, really like him and want to have sex

But I must be really naive as it seems people are pretty certain word will get out?! Didn’t think he would tell anyone really… if I agreed not to

There's desperate, then there's "attempting to justifying sleeping with a relative" desperate.

I wouldn't care if my second cousin was the hottest man in the world, I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

There are plenty of other men out there. Don't be stupid.

Op don’t. He’s family just don’t. You’ll be sickened by this in the future for even thinking about it.

For fucks sake do not have sex with your mother's cousin. I can't think of a way this wouldn't have a massive fall out, not to mention the HUGE ick factor. Gross. If my cousin shagged my daughter I'd kill him.

I would nip this at the bud and download Tinder instead

If he’s your mum’s first cousin he’s your first cousin once removed, he’s not your second cousin. FWIW I would still steer clear of shagging my second cousin.

Eww 🤮🤮🤮
Give your head a wobble.

Can’t you just sound your mum out? Subtly? If you think she is laid back tell her? The fact you are reticent makes me think you know what the answer will be !

This has to be a troll. Surely nobody is that desperate for sex!

So he and your mother are definitely not first cousins with the same grandparents?

What if he isn’t up for casual sex like you are though?! This has the potential to cause a massive fallout in your family, just because you fancy a bit of sex one night. Honestly, what planet are you on?!

I think some of the reactions on here are a little hysterical.

First cousin marriage is entirely legal in the UK, and not especially unusual.

Let alone 2nd cousin/1st cousin once removed/whatever causal sex......

Age gap relationships are also pretty commonplace.

I don't think there is the remotest need to speak to OP like she is contemplating some sick form of illegal incest......