Is it okay to have a casual relationship with someone that might cause upset in the family?

[sweetsandcakes]

The man in question is my mum’s cousin. Think he is my 2nd cousin. Share about 0.5% more DNA than the general population would do at random so technically not very genetically linked

My mum is very, very easy going but I wonder if this would cause trouble if word got out. Think that side of the family are extremely easy going and friendly. But maybe they’d enjoy the drama of this if they knew. Or if a pregnancy came out of it, for example. I get the sense we are the type to revel in scandals! That’s not going to happen and just an example of how the family dynamic works

He is older than me. Bit younger than my mum. My mum did have me fairly young.

Like many families nowadays, they saw each other a few times a year as children. But possibly see each other once every few/5 years at maximum now. We met at a family event in the summertime. I am now late 20s

This is possibly going to lead to sex. Maybe. Currently messaging each other random stuff. I like him a lot. Definitely want to sleep with him. Can’t and don’t want anything serious, for so many reasons, not just because we share a family tree!

Wondering if my mum will find this somewhat amusing or possibly upsetting? I don’t know. I share absolutely everything with her usually and we are good friends.

It’s your mum’s first cousin. Of course she’s not likely to smile and send you on your way to his place. Keep it out of the family. There is zero reason to date a relative, even casually.

Edited because a pp is quite right, he’s your first cousin once removed.

No, I don’t think that at all. And didn’t mean it to come across that way - genuinely just trying to understand a bit better

I'd be disgusted and fuming if one of my cousins started a relationship with my DC. If they'd known them as children it would be so much worse.

Playing with fire. Don't do it.

Can't you just sleep with a man you're not related to? There's plenty of them about.

I'd also be questioning the motives of a much older man who would happily cause trouble in a family just for a casual shag.

Risking damaging someone in their 20's relationship with their Mum is something most decent people would never, ever risk doing. Let alone for something casual.

I agree with @MannersAreAll. Why cause all the upset if it's not even going to be serious anyway? I can't work out why you think the opposite?

i suppose because my line of thinking is, it’s just a fun time and some sex. Whereas something serious would have lingering complications and obviously everyone would know

My hope would be that it would remain hidden and just something we once did

How would you rate your general mental / emotional health? Are you In a good place over all? Do you feel pretty secure in yourself/ life atm ? Any traumas/ break ups your still healing from ?

Adding 2nd, or once/twice removed doesn't mean they are not also your cousin

If he is your mum's 1st cousin, that would make him your 1st cousin once removed. Far too close a family member to be having a serial relationship with.
None of my siblings or I would be ok with any of our children having a relationship with 1 of our cousins.

It's a firm no from me!

My hope would be that it would remain hidden and just something we once did

Things like this very rarely stay hidden.

You share about 0.1% DNA with an unrelated random stranger. That's because you are both the same species - homo sapiens.

You share anywhere between 3% to 8% with a first cousin once removed.

OP - your percentages are way off.

I'd go ahead and have some fun. He's not a close relative, and you both like each other.

if you did end up having a lasting relationship and babies, there's no harm in it. The genetic connection is quite remote.

The question is whether you tell anyone in the early days before you know where it's going.

It is fine to have a fling with a stranger and keep it quiet.

But... don't shit on your own doorstep, as the old saying goes.

You probably like his eyes because they remind you OF YOUR MUM

Lol stop. This made me laugh out loud

They don’t look anything alike. He is like his mum (not related to me)

I wouldn’t risk hurting or embarrassing my mum, who you say you are good friends with, for a few meaningless fucks. I mean, who really does that?!

I am generally happy overall. One disabled DC. Divorced. Co parent well and no issues thankfully

I don’t think I get on with anyone I seem to meet my age now. My life experiences are wildly different - not just because I got married young, but I am also responsible for a disabled child

All good friends of mine are between 30-50. All of us with a lot in common

So, I suppose my perception is a bit off because of all this

There’s literally 100s of decent single men out there.

Its one thing if you fell madly in love and then found out you were related but to know this and then attempt a FWB or more is just grim.

Its like ex BILs etc, it may not be blood but it’s still grim and comes across as a bit desperate like you can’t find anyone else.

I’m sure you can find someone else OP perhaps join OLD.

Sorry no, if you know you are related, even a little bit, it's just wrong.

When I read the comment about you feeling safe with him I thought it's probably because your family. I've met family members for the first time as an adult and we have instantly connected and felt comfortable together. It doesn't mean I should be having sex with them, quite the opposite.

Grim.

Has he pursued you OP? Is he trying to cause family issues?

that is vile. We are a laid back family but this would cause ructions. I would never forgive my cousin.