Is it okay to have a casual relationship with someone that might cause upset in the family?

[sweetsandcakes]

The man in question is my mum’s cousin. Think he is my 2nd cousin. Share about 0.5% more DNA than the general population would do at random so technically not very genetically linked

My mum is very, very easy going but I wonder if this would cause trouble if word got out. Think that side of the family are extremely easy going and friendly. But maybe they’d enjoy the drama of this if they knew. Or if a pregnancy came out of it, for example. I get the sense we are the type to revel in scandals! That’s not going to happen and just an example of how the family dynamic works

He is older than me. Bit younger than my mum. My mum did have me fairly young.

Like many families nowadays, they saw each other a few times a year as children. But possibly see each other once every few/5 years at maximum now. We met at a family event in the summertime. I am now late 20s

This is possibly going to lead to sex. Maybe. Currently messaging each other random stuff. I like him a lot. Definitely want to sleep with him. Can’t and don’t want anything serious, for so many reasons, not just because we share a family tree!

Wondering if my mum will find this somewhat amusing or possibly upsetting? I don’t know. I share absolutely everything with her usually and we are good friends.

Obviously it's a very personal decision.

I think a relationship that was going to be serious - someone I'd fallen hard for - then I might consider it, but I wouldn't upset my Mum or the family for a casual fling. That wouldn't be worth the fall out for me.

Technically not very genetically linked? Wow.

Why don't you ask her?

Thank you for replying - I imagined most people would’ve said the opposite, as in, if it might potentially be serious they wouldn’t risk it? But they might for sometime casual

I will definitely reflect a bit and take time to think of any potential fallout

Id be mortified if my daughter shagged any of my cousins. How old are you and how old is he. How did this romantic connection start.

8

Oh, no. That’s pretty grim imo. Not a chance would I be entertaining this! Especially not for something casual.

What? Do you think they are genetically linked or not? Hard to tell from your response.

Thank you for replying - I imagined most people would’ve said the opposite, as in, if it might potentially be serious they wouldn’t risk it? But they might for sometime casual

Maybe they would, but for me it would have to be important to risk upset to the people around me and casual flings wouldn't be that.

As I say, I met him at a family party in the summertime

Like all the same music. He has stunning eyes. Makes me feel very happy and safe about our connection so far

If my cousin started fucking my daughter, I think I'd want to kill him.

And even more so if there was a large age gap.

The idea of sleeping with a second cousin makes me sick to my stomach but I know its very accepted in many cultures. I value my family more than my want for a shag so I'm suprised this would even be a question.
I apolgise for how judgemental that sounded but FFS really? You are thinking abour shagging your moms cousin?? REALLY? and this seems normal to you?

Yeah I do think they're genetically linked and I'm mildly surprised that op says technically not that linked as though that's ok....!

I would suggest finding someone you're not related to op

What the Jeremy Kyle is going on here?

Don't do it OP, it's not worth it and you'll regret it.

In no way can I imagine dating any of my Mums cousins. God just thought 🤢 but in your position @sweetsandcakes I'd talk to my Mum BEFORE it goes any further.

Mum, I'm getting on so well with Fred, do you think that's odd or ok?

but as per the poster I've quoted, it's something I'd be more willing to cause an upset over if I thought it had potential to be something serious, it's just not worth the risk for something casual.

but my mums cousins 🤢 still FAMILY to me!! No thanks.

A man near her mum’s age wants to shag a 20 year old - he is dodgy.

A older man related to that 20 year old - double dodgy.

He’s not good for you OP.

ETA I misread your age. Still think it’s weird.

Are you usually quite laid back otherwise and close with DD? Sorry for the 21 questions

Oh no, absolutely not. Think about the long term fall out from this. You may feel different in years to come and feel icky about it forever after...

Christ yes, when I think about it from that point of view, it's even more grim. My cousins fucking (or even just 'dating' my daughter 🤢🤢🤢) No way would I be 'relaxed' about that!! (Adult daughter or not)

Just to be absolutely clear, I am nearing 30.

Still a big age gap, but I personally think that’s very different not a just 20 year old!

Is he your mother's first cousin or second cousin (were their parents siblings or cousins)?

I just couldn't tbh and I would find it really grim if one of my children had sex with one of my first or second cousins.

Yes OP and I edited my post before you replied to say I’d misread your age.

You are being coy about his age and therefore the age gap, though.

I agree with @FaceBothered I'm probably not described as 'laid back' 🤣🤣 but you'd have to be fucking horizontal nit to think this is anything but inappropriate.

go date men your own age who aren't family!!

Yes, why do you ask?

Do you think not wanting your DD to shag her cousin makes a parent not close?

If he is your DM's first cousin (ie they share grandparents), then you are not a 2nd cousin with him but a first cousin once removed - meaning different generation. Your calculation of how much dna you share is way off, I believe it is likely very much higher. I get the impression you are asking this because you like the idea of being the centre of attention, and want to cause a stir in your family. Not sure why but am I right?🙄