Question for the married women

[georgiegold]

If you had to redo your life, would you get married again?
I’m interested in the answers from women who are currently married and living with their spouse.

Yes. Married 9 years, together for 14. My first marriage, his second.

I wouldn’t marry my first husband but I’d 100000% always choose to marry my now DH. It’s not a case of regretting the first one, more that he was abusive and I nearly died from stress from him, so I’d choose not to go through that again. But I’ve been with my real DH for 4 years, married for 1.

Yes, been together 36 years, met when I was 20, married at 25. So married 31 years now.

marriage is a partnership, you go through life together, it provides a lot of benefit sssuming the marriage works, financially, companionship, someone always there,someone to share with, someone there to help.

I am not sure it is the marriage bit that’s important, but the life partnership is invaluable. I see some of my divorced friends now and it’s difficult, the dating scene is hard, you’re on your own with life basically, which is always better than a bad relationship, but in my view definitely not as good as a solid life partnership with someone you love and care about, who has the same values as you, and who always supports you.

Together 5 and a half years. Married 1 and a half.
I never ever wanted marriage before we met but something changed.
It was the best day of our lives and there is something so special about being married, I can’t quite put my finger on it.
I would do it all again tomorrow if I could.

Married 7 years. No.

Together 26 years married 19. I would marry him again. The absolute love of my life who still gives me goosebumps if I have been away just thinking about him. He is the only one it would have worked with as he wants to do life with me - the rough and the smooth. This makes a huge difference.

1st marriage, together 23 years when we divorced. I ignored all my gut instincts and stayed and still married him.

Now marriage number 2, did I have wobbles? Yes! Massive ones, I would do it again though with some changes. Together 7 years and married for 4.

Together for 25 years, married for 18 years. Yes, I'd very much do it all again with him. I had seven years to consider marriage with him and my decision has been proved wise.

Yes, together nearly 20 years and I'm grateful for our life together. There is a lot of what ifs but people need to remember it's not only that it could be better, the what ifs could also be a lot worse. Life is what you make it.

Do you mean, marriage at all, or marriage to the same person? If I had to redo my life, there are a lot of things I'd do differently, so it's hard to say - I might meet someone other than my DH earlier in life, and the considerations around whether to get married or not would be completely different.

If you mean, a straight replay of my current life up until the point where I married my husband, but I get the option to marry him again or not - at this point in time, yes, I would. Our marriage has had ups and downs like most long marriages, so there are earlier points where I'd probably have said not.

We have been married for 20 years and neither of us had a previous marriage.

Yes. Together 15 married 10. But he’s a kind person and my best friend. Forget the butterflies rubbish.

Together 35, married for 34, with two adult children. Marriage is the hardest job ever, you’ve just got to keep working at it. And you need to accept that you’ll never be totally aligned in thought, belief and action, and just carry on ploughing your own furrow - but always with regard to your spouse. And don’t get hung up on sex, supportive companionship and caring action counts for more as you go on.

I would absolutely, the thing I would've done differently is to have not become a teacher.

I’m sorry but talking about butterflies 20 years in just does not sound believable. I don’t understand why people do this. You can have a happy long term relationship without acting like the initial attraction triggers (a lot of which are based on the unknown) are permanent.

Yes. Been together 21 years and he is my ride or die.

Regarding the butterflies thing- thats actually not a good sign at all, a psychologist wrote an article about it and it's a sign of anxiety and should go after the first date or two. If you continually feel it, its a warning sign.

Married 22 years, both 1st marriages.
100% would do it again, but I realise many other women are unlucky with their husbands who turn out to be a terrible choice.
DH and I are life partners for sure!

I’m genuinely not sure it is the exception, my husband is a totally capable individual, and we have always went 50 50. From what I can see, most men are fully capable, but that doesn’t mean there are lazy ones or bad ones, there are, just as there is lazy and bad women,

I think it is like this, it’s better to be single than in a bad relationship. It’s better to be in a good relationship than single, and I don’t think people in good marriages are in any way the exception to the rule.

are you sure you’re happy single. As it does feel like you want to think everyone regrets marriage, and are looking for bad stories, and that’s also why you found your video, you’re looking for some form of validation that you’re better off single.

snd you are if it’s v a bad relationship, absolutely, but not v a good relationship. And those I’m afraid are not few and far between.

Together 17 years and married 6, my first marriage and his second, and yes 100% and I know that's true for both of us. He's my best friend and a kind, caring and supportive partner and co-parent and life is easier, happier and more fulfilling for having him in it. We were together a long time before we got married, marriage didn't significantly alter our relationship but both of us wanted that commitment to each other.

Married 16 years and currently separating so no, I wouldn’t do it again.

Married almost two decades and would definitely do it again.

Am unfortunately a widow now, but the protection that my marriage certificate gave me when the shit hit the wall was incredible. Despite having no will (stupid I know) I was automatically in charge of his care, his body, his funeral, the house, his pension, all our finances etc.

From attending grief groups where partners were left unable to visit the deathbed, homeless, penniless, forced to have a religious funeral & burial when they knew their partner wanted to be cremated etc, I now see marriage very clearly as the legal commitment that it is and know how truly important it is.

Married 17 years, first marriage for both of us, 2 dc now almost grown and yes I’d marry him again. I love him deeply, he is a very kind and loving person and he’s an important part of my family and life. Even speaking from a strictly objective point of view and leaving feelings out of it, the benefits he brings to my life far outweigh the negatives.

To add, I am not a believer in 'soul mates' - I believe your compatibility with any person you meet can be measured and there are some people you're more compatible with than others. I think a relationship or marriage can work in different ways, there is more than one version of a 'happy marriage' for any individual.

My marriage works, I think, because we have similar tastes in a lot of things - the way we like to spend our time, entertainment, music, holidays, TV and films. Not entirely identical tastes but there is a large overlap. In other areas we are different - we don't often agree on politics, for example.

In some ways, we have learned to put up with each other - I have accepted, for example, that he is a chronic faffer and will never change, whereas I am the opposite. He puts up with me being quite a messy person around the house.

Importantly, we share a sense of humour, we can have each other in stitches over things others might not think particularly funny - we have several 'running jokes' in our marriage.

Essentially, we look after each other, enjoy the time we spend together, and put up with each other's faults.

Together 10 years, married 7 years, first marriage (altho that sounds like there’d be a subsequent marriage 😂). He’s perfect in all the ways that matter, I wouldn’t change a thing about our lives. Marrying him was a brilliant choice! I’d definitely marry again, him preferably but I am sure there are other good men too… just not many 😅
If this marriage was to end though, for whatever reason, I’d not marry again. I have my children and as someone whose mum remarried terribly unsuccessfully, I wouldn’t inflict that or a shitty blended family situation on my children.

Yes, I'd have married. Married 45 years, 1st husband

Yes absolutely, been with Dh 17 years and married for 14 and a bit. First and only marriage for both. We were early and mid 20s when we got together. I’ve made a lot of dumb decisions with relationships in my life, but marrying Dh was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

He’s a true gem. Kind, respectful, ambitious, takes on a solid equal share of everything with the kids and in the home. I was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year ago and he’s held family life together while I’ve gone through treatment and made it such that I don’t need to think about returning to work until I’m properly better and ready. He takes the kids on days out solo if I need to rest. They go camping together and off on adventures. He is a true partner and I’m very grateful for him.

I chose very carefully though and I knew when I found a good one. No need for bad boys or game playing.