Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

How’s Thailand at the end of January? Ahhh if only! 😄

Thought it sounded like maybe you were warming up to Mr RFP, but nope definitely sounds like he's here for a fun time not a long time. Nothing wrong with that of course!

How long does your project with Mr VB run for? I can see now why you're hesitant to ask him for an actual date, just getting to know him a bit better in person while you have the opportunity sounds nice though. And he might be a few hours away but perhaps that's not insurmountable?

Kiwis are culturally quite stoic; public displays of emotion are against our usual code. Kiwi men especially. No idea why!

Mr Charismatic is geographically very close, he lives 10 mins from my house (although funnily enough is English). I even drove past his apartment today as it's right by my gym. I've also just interviewed for a job that, if I got it, would mean I'm based a 5 min walk from his office.

When I say emotionally unavailable, I mean feeling a bit like I was being held at arm's length. So lots of chat on dates but not much beyond the superficial. Taking a while to reply to my messages, that kind of thing. I wonder if things were just progressing a bit quickly for him but who knows.

Mr Nomad in contrast is basically just an open book is making more of an effort on the emotional side of things, for example calling me on Thursday morning to wish me luck for my job interview and check I was feeling ok, despite having been awake for work the entire night. Happy to chat about anything and had been nothing but straight up with me so far.

Dating is awesome period of life.

@BoxOfCats Good luck with the job interview process!

Sounds like Mr Nomad is open to a proper connection beyond the superficial and wants to get to know you. Perhaps he is also just a deeper person. Mr Charismatic does not sound like that. Do you think that's perhaps also his personality?

People that only like 'hairdresser chat', ie talking about their holidays, day-to-day factual boring stuff etc, do exist. Could be avoidant as well though as you say and keeping it superficial as their shield? I'm avoidant and I don't tend to share my real thoughts unless I believe the other person would truly understand and be able to engage. When I start sharing my real inner thoughts and facts about my life, I start to feel bonded.

Are you keeping Mr Charismatic as an option in case Mr Nomad doesn't work out? Or is he in with a real shot?

Mr RFP is very much Mr RightNow. However what I do like about him is that we can really talk, we land on the most abstract, philosophical topics. That kind of chat isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's ours. If he was just sexy with rubbish pillow talk, I wouldn't pursue.

The project with Mr Volleyball is long-term, possibly permanent. I think getting to know him is a great idea, yes. However, actually dating would involve emigration.

I obvs can't tell if he feels the same, maybe I'm imagining it. However, I'd say the first time we set eyes on each other, we were both 'who is this?!' In our first call, I could see the change of expression in his face when he connected and saw me, and how engaged and smiley he suddenly became. For context, I have a number of other lawyers, he's the only one I regularly text with, including about non-work things, and who arranges regular calls 'just to check in'.

When we first met, it did feel like instant chemistry. He took me for coffee and not a single word was ushered about anything work related. It felt like a date. We're both similar age, very similar outlook on life, similar lifestyle/ hobbies/ likes and dislikes/ interests. I'd say very 'equal', no big differences in background or life experience. Also interesting to find someone attractive, nice and definitely single of the same age.

However I could just be imagining it all, as he is a friendly and smiley guy. I do think it's pretty crazy of me to imagine a connection with this guy that's in another country off the back of weekly video calls and a couple of meets. That's why I'm pushing this thought away and focusing on finding someone more realistic to date.

@librauk GO on, tell us more? What kind of replies is it coming up with?

@Brightbluesomething Doesn't sound dodgy at all, sounds like a normal fun Halloween party, no? It was only a natural reacion to your presence for him to ask you out 😉

How did you meet Mr CarDealer? Not at the dealership I take it? I have a Mr Plumber who came to fix my shower and is now asking me out, so I'm not a huge fan of I get asked out as a customer.

@Ceci693 Not great from him!!! Do you think you're done or would you give him a chance to rearrange? I'd say if you are, just make him come to you. Don't be afraid to give him silent treatment for a bit and say you aren't happy, culturally speaking I'd say he'd respect that more than being a doormat. But equally, if you're done you're done.

@PinkNeonSign Wouldn't worry about someone not texting for a night. Shows that someone has a life, and equally, sometimes people disrupt the rhythm and see how the other person responds. For example, I get busy or go out sometimes, or just want to dive into something that requires focus and put my phone away and not text following the usual pattern. If the other person starts chasing and wondering why I've not texted at x time, I know they're not for me. I allow that from Mr RFP🚩to an extent - sending 'you must have been too busy to reply, huh?' texts - but mostly because I can see he's able to also step away from the phone for full days himself.

So Mr Russian finally explained that someone had crashed into his car. He didn’t want to tell me the reason as he was ashamed?? Think there is a language problem. But anyway we have made up and planning to meet on sat. He seems genuine but time will tell. I did go silent for a few hours just cos I was actually upset but it was because he didn’t give any reason. And he should have told me earlier it’s a bit unclear when it happened. Anyway am happy we are back chatting though am thinking the long distance thing has its challenges as it seems a long time until Saturday now !! But we have great chemistry so I want to see him It’s interesting to hear what going on with your guys.

@ElleintheWoods
Little back ground to Mr Woody, he only seems to message , when in the morning, after a shower .or in the evening, like last night, he sent a picture of his bath water.so you can imagine, where this was going to go, so I decided I was just gonna play him at his game.
I use Co pilot app, here is the beginning of the conversation, and ideas that the app gives.

Reply to….i wish you were here to scrub my back ?

Ooh, cheeky! I'd say:
"Careful what you wish for—I come with bubbles, sass, and a loofah that means business." 🛁😉

Or if you're feeling cozy:
"If I were, you'd be getting the deluxe spa treatment—back scrub, playlist, and maybe a cheeky foot massage too."

Want to keep it flirty, funny, or sweet? I can tailor the vibe!

Yesss, that’s the vibe! 😄 Want to keep the banter going or flip the script and send a playful comeback? I’ve got a few spicy or sweet replies up my sleeve if you want to keep the energy flowing…

and that how it went, it got so funny,some , I could not post on here, but give it a go 😁

Sounds better @Ceci693, fingers crossed.

MrEngineer has been messaging today. He’s nice, like a mate, but I fancy him! We’ve done well to keep the convo going as neither of us has loads going on and there was no way we were going to see each other while he recovers from his op. I think we should be getting nearer to meeting now, we’ll see if it actually happens.

I’ve not heard anything from MrElusive, could message tomorrow about shared interest. I should leave it though, it’s been over a month since I saw him, we both have pretty limited availability but I’m sure we could have managed to see each other in that time.

I’ve matched/chatted with a few others, but I’m not invested enough in any of them
yet to give them a name! X

@librauk I chatted to someone last week who was asking loads of questions. He wanted me to give three reasons for each of my answers, then he would give me his answers to the same questions. He reckoned he could tell loads by how I answered these questions and his answers would reveal loads about him. That was AI bollocks wasn’t it?!

@PinkNeonSign
could be ??

What?! I don’t think I’d have time for any of this cutesy sort of stuff. Either it’s AI or he’s been Googling what to chat to someone about after matching. What’s wrong with just having a normal conversation, FFS.

That sounds like a good sign if you’ve managed to continue this long! Has it just been messaging so far, or have you spoken / video chatted?

That’s so strange he felt ashamed, but I’m glad you’ve managed to move past it. Let’s hope he sticks to the next lot of plans!

I think if it felt like instant chemistry with Mr Volleyball in person, then you’re not imagining things. The more you’ve posted about him, the more I like the sound of him! And from what you’ve written it sounds like he’s at least interested (although I’m guessing possibly has the same reservations you do). Can’t wait to hear what happens when you see him in person next, sounds like that could be soon!

Ah so Mr Charismatic. On paper he’s quite the eligible bachelor. Never married, no kids, owns and runs a very successful corporate business. Quite handsome, well travelled, amazing cook, and under the corporate attire there’s a set of abs that make me feel rather hot and bothered 🫣

We went on a total of 4 dates, last one in early August. Instant physical chemistry, but I would say in hindsight we progressed the physical side of things too quickly and didn’t really spend much time getting to know each other outside of that. We had a conversation about that and agreed to step back from the physical side of things and just get to know one another. Then life suddenly got busy for both of us, and on top of that he had some significant stresses land in his personal life. He dropped down the messaging quite significantly, to the point where I felt a bit like I was being breadcrumbed. When I called him out on it he apologised and said he was really sorry but he just wasn’t in the right headspace for dating but would like to keep in touch as friends. That’s pretty much all I heard from him until now.

So I don’t know if the lack of emotional availability was just down to poor timing / life stress, or whether he just struggles to open up to people. Or maybe both. I guess he also could have been seeing someone else, as someone here suggested. He seems engaged in his messaging this week though - no longer getting a breadcrumb vibe, more of a flirty vibe in fact.

I don’t necessarily want to jump back into something with Mr C again, but then again I don’t know. Things are going really well with Mr Nomad but I am quite conscious he’ll be moving in 6 weeks, and it’s been too soon to have any actual discussions on exclusivity, whether or not we are actually in a relationship, or what might happen when he moves. I do feel like I’m a bit too emotionally invested (it’s so hard not to be) so maybe Mr Charismatic’s reappearance is a good reminder that I shouldn’t get too carried away.

Haha sorry that was long and I don’t think I actually know the answer to your question! More for me to think about I guess…

Had a long phone convo with big dog last night - more than 2 hours. He is very funny and we laughed a lot. I didn’t have the courage to say about how his personality changed as soon as I said I didn’t feel a spark 🤣not sure what’s going on but I like chatting to him. Mr Russian is still attentive though I ignored his text last nite as I was talking to big dog. I think it’s good if he thinks I have a life and am not sitting by my phone waiting for him to call. There is still amazing chemistry . But I’m just cautious until we have met in real life. He says next sat so will see.

Got a match on T, today, was surprised, as he is gorgeous (and younger)
any way, chat been great, and are arranging a coffee date for Friday .😜

@BoxOfCats - MrC could be genuine or he could have been seeing someone else as well. Sometimes you have to take a gamble and trust! I hate lying but sometimes you do have to elaborate the truth a bit. I've genuinely liked guys but someone else got in before them. I've tried spinning two plates but that didn't go very well! My dog ended up in a hostage situation, seriously, you couldn't make it up.

@librauk sounds promising.

@Ceci693 is there hope for big dog yet?!

In my world, Mr Elusive is back. A few messages exchanged about shared interest. Wa happy to leave it at that. Then he started to flirt a bit (which is unusual for him). So I just said I wasn’t sure if he was still into that or whether he just liked texting about shared interest? He was mystified. I just said I’d backed off cause I thought I was getting on his nerves. Then I said a bit more I said I found the vulnerability hard, and that I thought he might too, either that or I was just being played. He said he’s been busy and had no free time. I just left it that he should maybe let me know when he does have some free time. By this point, he’d fallen asleep and this morning I got a heartfelt….thumbs up!!! Have I said too much? Can’t take it back now can I x

Thanks, @PinkNeonSign

Got a bit of a shock, this morning, while chatting to my AI guy (Co pilot app) he called me Darling 😏, think I might have to call him out on that 🤣🤣🤣

@PinkNeonSign it’s so hard isn’t it to know if by being vulnerable you are opening yourself up to be hurt or if it will move things along. I opened up a little bit to Mr Russian and it’s ok I think though my dd said that was a mistake and that at the beginning as a woman you should hold back - 1. For your own protection and 2. Guys prefer you to be a bit mysterious. I dunno about all these things. I think it can depend on who you’re talking to and I can’t stand the ones who disappear then re-appear - it just doesn’t sit right with me - but I usually end up going along with it as often they are the most interesting ones 🙈anyway look it’s done now so don’t over think it. You can get back some power by not being immediately available next time he messages maybe??

yes I do like Mr Big Dog a lot. I’m not sure how a relationship would work with him tho. He said to me he’s never free on weekends as he is entertaining his kids. He can’t leave them overnight until the oldest is 18 which is another while. - not sure why I’ve been leaving DS since he was 16 I’d say. He said he could meet up mid week but he doesn’t finish work until 6 and it’s very dark 🤣so he openly admitted he was too lazy to meet up! He’s a lovely friend too though . He messaged me again last night - it’s his move really - I said I’d meet up with him so ….
nr Russian is being very sweet and lovely to me. English guys could learn a thing or 2 how to treat a woman 😜do you feel guys have become very nonchalant - treating us like their mates - maybe you all prefer that but I’m enjoying some compliments and sweet talk 😊

Yeah @Ceci693 I’ve mainly found OLD fun as long as I don’t get too involved. Mr Elusive was the first one though and the first everything in 12 years. I’d gone in with a really open mind but I don’t think we can get away from the fact that we have chemistry and we just kind of match. I think I’ll
just leave it now and see what he does, I could message tonight about shared interest but I’ve put the ball in his court now so I won’t. I was getting really attached but I’ve pulled back now, I know it’s not going to kill me if it doesn’t work out but I do like him.

You might have to play the long game with Mr Big Dog?

I find the compliments a bit cringe, I think I quite like the mates vibe but maybe I’m too easily pleased! X

librauk I hate the ones who question you like that. I feel like I'm in a job interview or something!

Ceci693 I'm glad that things are going better with Mr Russian. Fingers crossed for next weekend!

So. News from me. I've still only been looking at my 1 'Recommended' one on Hinge, yesterday there was one who seemed ok & we've matched with each other. First time I've had a chat in a long time... It's going well so far so we will see...

@NervesOfCotton
that’s good hear .

Great to hear things are going well with Mr Russian after last weekend’s date postponement. I know what you mean about not knowing how vulnerable to be. It’s a fine line, but I’m inclined to agree with your DD that men will generally make it pretty obvious through their actions how interested they are or not.

Mr Big Dog sounds a bit like he doesn’t really know what he wants! Has he been single for long?

So exciting! How much younger are we talking?