Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Morning everyone, I had an interesting night last night. Met up with friends and bumped into a guy I went on a date with a few weeks ago. I stopped replying to him as he was clearly breadcrumbing but seeing him again reminded me that he’s really attractive and ticks most boxes. He messaged as soon as he got home and seems to be putting a bit more effort in so might give him the benefit of the doubt.
I have a couple more options as well so will see how they go too. I seem to have more luck meeting men IRL rather than online at the moment which is no bad thing.
Have fun on any weekend dates!

@BoxOfCats we have only met the one time but spoken a lot every day since end of july/beginning of august. Thank you! It wasn't meant to be today 🤧 Hope you have a better weekend 😊

@Nosdacariad Yeah, it does a bit doesn't it 😞 did it with my ex for about 18 months but we'd been together for years beforehand. Never started off like this. If things progress ideally we'd close the gap before too long!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!❤️

Hey all I’m loving reading all your updates. Yes as far as I know Mr Russian and I are meeting tmw. I’m so insecure I keep thinking he will cancel but I don’t think he wil. It is a bit of a drive - we meeting halfway. He seems very sweet and romantic which I’m not used to at all but could get used to if it’s genuine . He says it is but again I’m suspicious. So will be able to gauge more tmw. I can try and do a loo update for you all🤣

Mr big dog is very attentive - it’s like he is a diffeerent person than when we were message dating / he is very funny and flirty and I actually like him a lot more!! Think I will ask him if we do ever meet up. We are really becoming friends I like him.

Mr old is still hovering in the background. If it goes well with Mr Russian I think I will let him down gently. I just don’t get any vibe from him. It could be that he is not a good texter but his messages are max 10 words - usually 2 or 3 words 🙈so it’s hard to get to know him plus I’m not sure we have anything in common at all.

there’s one other one who wanted to meet today but it fell thru - I can’t remember if I gave him a name prob Mr intellectual - not sure I like him that much he is very serious and doesn’t seem to have a sense if humour . Will prob let him go if Mr Russian goes well.

@PinkNeonSignits hard not to get attached isn’t it. What is helping me is having a few guys to talk to at the same time so if one doesn’t text me I chat to a different one to take my mind off it .

@BoxOfCats I'm at the point in my life where I am most confident, happiest and at the receiving end of more approaches from men than ever before. So feel like I have to be choosy, as I mentioned, have a history of making ridiculously bad choices when it comes to guys, and not using my brain.

And yet I have chosen Mr RFP 🚩for now 😂I know how I'll explain it in the future: "Guys, it was November, I was lonely, it was cold out, and he looked amazing in a pair of boxers... And yes, now we have twins and a semi with a picket fence."

Slightly concerned about random middle of the night 'miss you babe' messages, but I guess that's just his personality. English boys are more emotionally repressed.

Maybe I'll lock down Mr Volleyball and we can go on a double date, seeing as Mr Nomad sounds awesome! I believe the trick is to get him really involved in planning my trip to his home city, get him quite invested and then go 'oh that place you recommended seems awesome, but it's hard to get to without a car, maybe we could go together?' We do say flirty little things to each other, so he might not report me to HR if I say this, if he isn't interested he'll take it as a joke. He has taken to confiding in me about which of his work colleagues he secretly hates and why, so guess that's a good thing?

I think you need to shelter Mr Nomad for those 3 weeks when he'll be homeless 😉Zero commitments sounds very interesting. Will you be getting some time off that you could potentially spend with him? If he has asked you to spend more time with him during the summer where he also has very little to do, i'd say go for it, embrace it with both hands. Imagine what a nice summer it could be, even if it's just an adventure and doesn't lead to settling down with him.

Have you given the poor waiting-in-suspense man any answers about your availability yet? 😅

Interesting indeed!! Keep us updated. How do you meet men IRL? Do you have a strategy or does it just happen?

@Ceci693 If he's Russian from Russia/ Eastern Europe, and hasn't lived in the UK that long, be prepared that he might be quite romantic by our standards! E.g. he might bring you flowers or chocolate to first date, buy champagne or similar. He might also want to talk about intellectual topics a fair bit, like literature, art, classical music... Most people in Russia are quite philosophical/ deep thinkers, so don't be too surprised if he wants to talk about deeper or more abstract things than perhaps in a typical British conversation. They definitely also open doors etc, chivarly is very much alive.

I have a good Russian male friend in the UK and he's very much like that, he's lovely and sends me looong voice messages sometimes. Does a lot of romantic stuff with his wife, she's a lucky lady 😉I actually talk about dating with him sometimes and he'll say things like 'you're a queen, this guy wasn't even good enough to breathe the same air as you' and adds some funny/ weird OTT Russian saying 😂They're just a bit dramatic and extra, Russians.

Of course all Russians are different, your guy might be much more modern, raised a bit differently or maybe been in the UK a long time and more accustomed to how we do things here.

Yeah is definitely depressing , you just no interest as a man
kind of lady , not sure really- independent- own house/ car / job etc , maybe adult children and I would like tall , my exW was about 5ft and last partner was about 5’ 8 , think I prefer taller now, age 50 to 60 would suit me - , I don’t want to live with anyone again ( for a while at least) , but eventually perhaps, evenings out , holidays, bit of sex - that kind of thing

I don’t think I have a strategy as such, but I don’t have a problem starting a conversation, I’ll talk to anyone! I think that helps, and even if they’re not single it’s a great way to widen my circle of friends. Having confidence is key.

Yes, I'm the same! I just chat to people everywhere and am friendly. I only meet people IRL and meet someone quite regularly, so people wonder how/why. Glad I'm not the sole weirdo still meeting people IRL!

If someone approached you somewhere and asked for your number to take you on a date, how would you respond?

I had someone ask for my number last night, but he was a bit too old for me so I politely declined. But if it was someone I liked then I would be fine with it, at least you know they’re keen and what they look like. I’ve had a few dates from OLD where they looked nothing like their photos so it’s easier IRL.

@ElleintheWoodsyes he is very romantic - he wanted to know what flowers I liked and he says the sweetest things to me. I’m actually really enjoying it . English men could honestly learn a few things. They can be so nonchalant and treat us like one of the lads. Like that fecker who hinted at a date and then it tuned into “oh I’m going out with my mates but you’re welcome to come if you want to.”. Just makes you feel shit doesn’t it. This guy compliments me all the time. I’m still suspicious but if it is real it’s very nice I could get used to it !!!

That sounds like a great place to be! Sounds like perhaps you are keeping more of an open mind about Mr RFP then…?

Yes I hear you on the emotionally repressed thing. Actually I think Kiwi guys are typically even worse at this! I’ve only had three long term relationships and they were with a German (my ex husband) and two Englishmen.

I think if Mr Volleyball is confiding in you in that way, it’s a sign you have a good personal connection outside of work. I can’t see a situation where someone would report it to HR that they’d been asked out on a date, unless you were somehow persistent and didn’t want to take no for an answer! And you sound like a confident person, is there anything else that’s holding you back from being more direct with him? Like the fact he might actually be serious relationship material…?

Funnily enough, I have taken no annual leave since last Xmas, so I’m sitting on several weeks of unused leave, which Mr Nomad is aware of. So it’s possible we could have a few weeks together if we chose to. Chatted to him last night and no further discussion on travel plans, but he thinks there’s a chance he could visit me in the next few days which will be nice!

In other news, Mr Charismatic (guy I dated briefly who got back in touch last weekend) is still messaging me. He’s been taking a day or two to reply each time, but writing thoughtful and detailed messages back with questions. I do actually like him as a person even if he’s not really relationship material (very handsome and smart, but didn’t seem all that emotionally available). So I’m continuing to message back for now but taking my time getting back to him. Still a bit unsure why he’s back in touch - he’s quite a confident personality so I think if he wanted to meet he’d have suggested it by now.

@ElleintheWoods Oh and I’d totally be up for a double date with Mr Volleyball! Shame I’m not 11,000 miles closer…!

@BoxOfCats Haha we can just pick a place somewhere in Asia, should be fun 😆

Kiwi guys are more repressed than Europeans? Why/how?

I sense some fun encounters in your near future and exciting adventures, possibly involving travel with a new love interest, before the year comes to a close 🔮Hope Mr Nomad makes it!

Where is Mr Charismatic geographically in relation to you, is he close? And how would you gauge emotional availability?

2 things holding me back with Mr Volleyball. Firstly, we live hours away from each other and have met face to face only twice, so it seems insane asking someone I barely know on a date, back of my head thinking 'he could be the one, you know'. Our main comms channel is very regular video calls. Even if we had a great date, what next? Secondly, we are working on a pretty big project together and neither can really step back from it, so if it became awkward, that wouldn't be ideal.

Mr RedFlagParade 🚩? No, not keeping an open mind at all, he is not the guy for me. But to be blunt, it's cold and miserable outside, I want to stay in, cuddle and more, he is very good at the 'more', he's the best-looking guy within a 20-mile radius, he's interesting to talk to, and that's good enough for me right now, even if he's a bit chaotic. We do have very nice physical chemistry, I like how he holds me. Just tired of living celibate and going to bed alone, may as well settle and push through the winter. I won't have much time to actively pursue meeting people next few months, so it'll be this or nothing at least sex-wise.

@Brightbluesomething Yes, same. It takes a lot of pressure off if you know what someone's like in person. On top of it, it takes more guts to ask someone IRL, so I'd like to hope they're more invested.

Where/ how did this guy ask for your number? Straight up or after some conversation? Who are the other prospects, is there a front runner?

@Ceci693 Good luck tomorrow! Russian guys tend to be a bit like that, they are playful and sweet talkers. They find ways to compliment you even if you state something negative. E.g. you might say 'I failed GCSE maths' and they may say 'well, I've never met a pretty girl who was good at maths anyway!' It's very playful, humorous. They do tend to put a lot of value on intellect, so don't feel like you need to dumb yourself down - I usually do this when dating British guys to be honest, as certain interests or achievements are seen as pretentious, nerdy or dull. Russians generally have no issue with being aspirational, Russia is a very grandiose country with crystal chandaliers and gold, but equally there's a lot of poverty there, so people tend to be comfortable with both settings.

Hmmm feels like I'm talking myself into finding myself a Russian guy too!

Remember, loo update mandatory 😏

Having a bit of fun tonight, with this guy I matched with beginning of the week, been very flirty, but went quiet on me , will call him Mr Woody, he lives very close to me, anyway, decided to us AI chat to his replies, I have never had so much fun 🤣🤣

@ElleintheWoods I was coming back from the toilet at a pub and he was dressed as a Bishop in full gown and headgear. He offered me sweets (he had a bag of them) and we got chatting and he asked me out. Having written that down it sounds seriously dodgy but it was actually funny. But Mr Bishop was sadly too old for me.
Currently have Mr Local who lives at the end of my street (the one I thought was breadcrumbing). He’s been texting a lot more today but no second date yet.
Some on OLD Mr Black Lab (cute dog) who’s had Covid for a week but still messaged, may see him when he’s well, I don’t want Covid again. Mr Runner who has liked me on every platform but isn’t very chatty. I stopped responding to Mr Essay as I simply can’t keep up with the long monologues and so many questions.
Plus Mr Car Dealer I met IRL a couple of weeks ago who seems to work every day. He asked for my number and we’ve been chatting but I can’t see that going anywhere.
I’d say it’s between Mr Local and Mr Black Lab so far.

So Mr Russian just cancelled.

Oh no, so sorry 😟
did he give an explanation ??

It’s so true that nothing is real until it is real. He just dropped it casually - oh is it ok if we meet next weekend something has come up . I think he is surprised I am upset. When I went silent he sent a few messages saying he couldn’t help it blah blah blah. Thing is I’m finding it hard to believe anything that he says now. Am I too hard? I don’t think so. It was just so last minute and I had to plan to get away tmw. He is full of sorry’s now but I said I don’t feel like talking to him . Bloody bloody men they manage to get in under your skin and eventually you let down your guard a bit and then bam. I dunno what I think now. It all was so lovely and
fun and feels like it’s all a bit spoilt now.

No exact reason just that he wanted to come but “circumstances did not allow” and that he will have more time next weekend. I just think he should have told me earlier than like 10pm tonight and I’m all set to go off tmw?

Ah @Ceci693 just wait and see what he does, might there be a genuine reason?

If it’s any consolation, MrEngineer has gone quiet on me tonight. Hasn’t even read the message I sent at about 6pm. I’m not sure what that’s about, but he’s been stuck at home recovering from an op for the whole of the time we’ve been talking, so I wonder if I’ve just been keeping him entertained x

I’ve been chatting to another guy. Let’s call him MrCheckJacket. I’m not sure how I matched with him cause he’s not my usual type, he’s handsome and has a ripped body with tattoos. To be fair, I shouldn’t have judged a book by its cover, he seems sweet and in need of reassurance, nothing like what I’d have expected.

Sorry that happened Ceci693. It's good that he told you. Personally I'd have sent more of an explanation in the first cancellation message. He obviously doesn't have to tell you 'the reason' but just more would have made it easier to hear? Felt more genuine? It's crappy for you though. Sending you a hug.x

So sorry to hear that @Ceci693. I had someone cancel a first date once, but he told me the day before that he’d come down with a bad cold, still wanted to meet and asked if I was free in a few days when he would helpfully be better. Cancelling at the eleventh hour with no proper reason isn’t good. But consider it better to know now what the situation is with him, than before you waste any further time.