Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

He sent me a voice note in Russian / oh my days I think I’m in love I mean in lust 🤣

@Ceci693
hope all goes well, I’m a sucker for accents as well 😀

@ElleintheWoods
Do you think the fact that I often dodge incoming calls when I'm busy, or if they ask me and I don't offer a different time back, sends the signal that I'm not interested in them?

Phone Yes & No - I generally don’t answer the phone unless I’m expecting a call from someone - so ( personally) I think missing calls is fine

again personally I would say the not offering a different date / time back does send an “I’m not interested “ signal as you have basically said no, if I was really interested in meeting that person I might try another date- if I was medium interested then probably wouldn’t try again,

@BeAppleNow Thanks, I like your insight!

The trouble nowadays is that everyone has options, everyone is chatting to so many people, and therefore I think most people are medium interested.

Whereas I remember in my younger days, when people met almost exclusively in person, I had no confusion whatsoever about who I wanted. I’d meet a guy I really liked and wouldn’t mostly be talking to anyone else. That then either worked out or didn’t.

Truth is I’m not genuinely interested in dating any of the guys I’m currently talking to. I’d like to once again meet one that I am so interested in that I don’t need to fill my phone with empty texts. And one where I make an effort to offer an alternative time for a date 😇

When I first started dating I was certainly more invested in the dates, and I’d make an effort to coordinate with the guy to make it happen. Right now I’m more ‘meh, I’d rather do what I normally do on weekends than get to know a guy that’s interested in me’. I guess the person I’m talking to picks up my attitude from messages?

One question though, when you ask someone on a date, wouldn’t you ask:
”Would be nice to get a coffee, when are you available?” or “So what’s your schedule like this week?”

Surely with most people, they have lives and things they do, so if you say “Are you free on Tuesday after 6pm for a drink” you’ll almost definitely get a no? Either because the person didn’t like the idea of Tuesday, or if a drink

@ElleintheWoods I think that might be the problem, many options but not many appealing ones.

MrX - anyone able to support me in just getting a clean break? I have broken up with him three times so far. We were enngaged and it feels too mean to block him.

@Nosdacariad in the same situation I found I just had to gather the strength to go cold turkey. There was no other way and it feels weird when you’ve been that close. You will know when you’re ready though x

Thank you.

At the moment my behaviour is the definition of insanity.

@Nosdacariad I highly doubt you are insane, situation doesn’t sound easy and you can only navigate it as best you can. I think you could be a bit kinder to yourself x

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...

Thank you @PinkNeonSign 😘

@Nosdacariad It might feel mean in the short term. But he’s clearly got some kind of hope that you’ll get back together. So by being really clear that you want space from him and no contact for a while, and sticking to it, you’re doing a good thing in the long run by not letting him have any false hope.

@ElleintheWoods Sounds like a good place to be in some ways - at least it means you have a full life and aren’t just looking for someone to fill a gap. What news of Mr RFP this week?

@Ceci693 Excited for your date with Mr Russian on Sunday! Will we get a loo update? 😄

I keep seeing a ray of hope that it will work but then another lie comes to light...

No dates for me this weekend as Mr Nomad is still working crazy hours, although he has indicated he might have a few hours free later this week and will come visit if he does. The box of cookies I sent him as a morale booster to get him through the busy work him arrived. He was delighted, although perhaps that’s also partly because I’d marked the package on the courier tracking as “giant dildo”, and he was relieved that it was in fact cookies. (Luckily we appear to have the same sense of humour and he seemed amused 😂)

He needs to start making plans for Dec/Jan when his work period finishes and last night for the first time started to ask me some specific questions about my plans and availability over this time. He hasn’t gone as far as suggesting we plan anything together though. I’m really trying had not to let myself think too far ahead - I’m naturally very much a forward thinker and planner so this isn’t easy for me, but I really don’t want to rush anything or let myself think this is something it’s not.

*work period not work him!

No dates for me either. Recovering from a cold for the last few days, thought I'd be better for the weekend (I'm not really) and the guy I'm seeing long distance is working tomorrow so it's most likely not going to happen. Then he goes away for a few weeks too. Quite a long time not seeing him which sucks. Told me he doesn't mind being patient as we will see each other more once he's home. I on the other hand just realllly wanted to see him 😑 oh well!

@duvetday0006 Ah that’s tough. Have you been seeing each other long?
Hope you’re feeling better again soon!

@duvetday0006 long distance is rubbish 🙃

Yes it's not a bad place to be...

I just struggle to understand how out of everyone I know, I seem to be the person getting the least action 😅Went to a work event today where I knew a fair few people, and the guys just stopped what they were doing and made a beeline to talk to me. It was stuff of comedy. How do I not like anyone out of all these orbiting guys?!

Currently arranging a date with Mr RFP 🚩His personality is absolutely bonkers but I'm kind of enjoying it, for now. He gets needy at certain times and just calls me or fires me lots of cheeky texts. At other times he has good emotional regulation. But I've never known anyone who is so open about needing/ missing someone so early on. For example, he's out with mates right now (Friday night) and just popped out to talk to me on the phone for 30 mins. Not soppy, just fun and flirty, but still.

Mr Volleyball is the real boyfriend material though, as unrealistic as it might be. He called me today, will call again next week, and I'm seeing him in a few weeks when I'm going to his city for a few days. I've mentioned before that he's my lawyer so frankly, no idea how to really play this. I'm talking to him soon and basically asked him to make me a programme of fun things to do. Once he hands it over, do I slip in 'hey, fancy joining me in this restaurant/ event/ place you suggested'?

December/ January plans with Mr Nomad, eh? You don't need to read too much into it but don't hold back too much either, it's nice that he's thinking of all this in advance. What other commitments does he have more generally? Would it be realistic to get some cosy time together over the holidays if you both wanted to?

Hope everyone’s weekend dates go well, looking forward to the bathroom updates 😀

@Ceci693 when are you meeting MrRussian?

I’ve done something wrong and got myself a bit too invested, I should have learned after MrElusive but now there’s MrEngineer. We’ve been chatting for about a week and a half and I think he might be a bit lush!

Ooooh that’s exciting! It’s so nice when you finally feel a vibe with someone. Any plans to meet yet? And what is I that you’re liking about him so far?

Sounds like you’re being choosy, but you absolutely should be! Keep those high standards and keep holding out for the right person.

Ooooh I really do have a soft spot for Mr Volleyball. And it sounds like the perfect opportunity to hint at spending some 1:1 time together. In fact, you should definitely just ask him if he’s free to catch up. Life’s too short. Worst case, you can get another lawyer right…? 😄

Mr Nomad has zero commitments after the end of November when his work wraps up for the year. His current plan is to move mid-Dec to the other end of the country, a beautiful location where his family have a holiday home. He will be there for the rest of summer (which we’re just heading into now on this side of the world). However, he needs to find somewhere else to stay for 3 weeks from the end of January. He was initially thinking of heading over to the US for the ski season, but mentioned last night that if he’s going to do that he needs to start organising it now…. And that he’d been thinking it might be nicer to stay here in NZ given it’ll be summer. Then started asking some detailed questions about my summer plans.

There is definitely a chance for us to spend a bit of time together, and he now knows I have a week off over the new year with no plans. And it sounded a little bit like he was wondering if I might be keen to travel somewhere with him. I think both of us know it’s too soon to lock anything in like that just yet, but the opportunity is there if things are going well.

Yes you are quite right- an invite would be more open than “ do you fancy a pint in the Red Lion on Tuesday night “ ( joke)- as you say more like do you fancy a coffee sometime etc ,

reading this thread is a bit depressing actually,- not sure how you manage to get so many dates - my inbox has tumbleweed blowing through it! , not much interest in old men these day 😂

Hmm @BoxOfCats I’m cautious but he just seems very genuine. The main thing is, we work in the same type of organisation but in different places. I could easily have met him where I work and that’s reassuring as the people I work with are mainly lovely. His chat is just pretty normal, he’s not overly confident which I like. He’s a tiny bit flirty but no absolute filth, he says he’s not in any rush to find someone and it has to be the right personality as well as looks. He’s dead handsome which helps.

We live a little bit far from each other, but he’s talked about meeting up when he’s able to drive again (recovering from operation) but we’ll see. I won’t count my chickens! X

There’s a huge discrepancy between men and women in online dating so don’t be disheartened.

Many many swipe on pretty much anyone and only read the profiles ones they get a like/ match. Whereas most women would only swipe on you if they’re genuinely interested and curious about you.

From my male friends who do online dating and who have nothing wrong with them, they only get a like every now and then aged 40+. And some of those are scammers!

By comparison it’s not unusual for a woman to get 100+ likes over a short period of time

What kind of lady/ relationship are you looking for?