Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Not much happening with me
still chatting to Mr Rodeo, but it is purely platonic, I did ask him about meeting up, but he didn’t say yes or no, just that he did not want to commit, and then gave to cancel 🤦‍♀️
over the weekend got quite a flurry of messages, went over to WhatsApp with one, who seemed really nice, keen to meet, then poof !! He was gone blank profile pic 🤦‍♀️ his loss .

another one will call him Mr specs, he kinda sweet, doesn’t say much, but least he replies lol

I’ve had situations before where there’s been a real connection over text/phone but as soon as we met, my heart sank as there was nothing there in RL so I would feel gutted if I’d wasters weeks in end messaging.

@BoxOfCats sounds like a total headfuck

@Nosdacariad I'm so tired of men who just want to be penpals. What is the point? Is it just a low effort little ego boost

I feel that if you've got to the point where you feel a connection over text and are scared to lose it you've been texting too long! I try and get dates in early to stop this happening as I've been burned before with a long distance headfuck that wasted 9 months of my life😅

This one was less than a week - I try and get a meet in the first available weekend. If if drags on longer than a couple of weeks without meeting then I’m out it’s never been too long.

We had about 3 long phone calls before meeting though which probably made things feel more connected.

Ive never felt scared to lose a connection - I want to meet face to face also to see if its actually there.

Mr Psychologist said that one of the thinks he really liked about me is that I was keen to meet early (we arranged it after 4 days but 2/3 days with a lot of texts) and too place at 5 days. He said so many women just seem to want the texting and this then fizzles out after a few weeks 🤷‍♀️ I just do not have the energy for that

I know it’s awful- you think there might be something there and all of a sudden you meet the person and it’s like tumbleweed- no connection
getting in front of someone is so important

Can someone tell me what you're definition of a spark is? I find it so confusing

For me, it would be someone that is easy to talk to, I fancy (I can imagine myself kissing etc,) and leaving the date wanting to see them again. If I don't get all 3 there is no spark

do you like them , did you want to kiss them, did you get any nervous energy- did you go home thinking about them.

as opposed to - did you want to get going as soon as possible

Really I just want to know that if he wants to see anyone else at some point, that I’d like him to just let me know so we can call time. I’m happy to continue as we are but not if there are other people involved.

The weird thing is I truly don’t even think he wants to see anyone else! And he calls me every evening before he goes to bed (wanted to chat for a whole hour last night!) so if he’s seeing someone else regularly it would most likely be obvious.

That's true that there's a risk but if you don't take it you end up with a penpal.

I'm not sure. He claimed to be.

Not just for men.

Low effort is exactly it!

I guess it’s different for everyone. I find that I naturally get along with most people and can make conversation etc, so purely wanting to see someone again doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a spark, just that I had a nice time. For me a spark is feeling like I want to rip their clothes off (the more physical side). But then also from a personality side, feeling like I can chat to them for hours without it feeling like effort, if that makes sense, having a similar sense of humour, just feeling a real connection basically.

For me it’s when I’m enjoying their company, I feel a bit warm and fuzzy, I don’t want the date to end and I know I want to see them again.

Tbh I find a definite no far easier to define than a definite yes.

If I’m on the fence, the second date normally helps decide one way or the other.

For me it’s a specific feeling and connection to their aura (a bit like getting goosebumps). One where it feels like we’ve known each other for ages, share similar experiences and ideology.

The lady could be a 10/10 in looks but without me getting that feeling then I know I’ll lose interest very quickly (and probably before the end of the date).

@Kat888 agree with @BoxOfCats, I get along with most people and can have a fun, enjoyable time with almost anyone.

I used to be more open to connections that grow over time but truly, for me it is reacting to first seeing the person with 'wow, WHO IS THIS?!' Being quite honest with myself, this is how I have always felt around anyone who I've developed a serious attraction for. This happens to me about once a year, this year has happened twice (Mr Volleyball and Mr RedFlagParade) - I'm not obsessed or in love with either, but I was interested and wanting to know more from the moment we met, and am always happy when they text/call, whereas with other guys it's more the question of tolerating them, or evaluating them rationally and thinking 'but you get on so well, give him a chance'.

I've definitely changed from my younger days where it was much more about the rational assessment and falling for personality.

Now I've decided that this semi-sexual interest in them from my side has to be there or I'm just leading them on

Yup agree with that one also

For me the spark is instant attraction that you can’t ignore. Pure alchemy. That said, I think it can burn out pretty quickly. I think liking someone, being attracted to their personality as well their looks even if it’s not off the scale chemistry from the outset is also worth pursuing.

I’m not sure if I ever feel a ‘spark’ from the first date. For me that usually comes at date 2/3. For me there wouldn’t be a 2nd date if I didn’t find the person attractive couldn’t see myself kissing them and if I didn’t feel there was some form of connection worth pursuing. For me the spark then comes when the above is present and is starting to embed.

100% this, my previous partner was an extremely good looking woman ( don’t know what she saw in me ), but personality wise we are chalk and cheese- which worked well at the beginning but eventually I think this what ended things between us, but saying that she supported me though a a very difficult time - and transformed my approach to some aspects of life

Mr Mod would like a first date on the moor.

Any thoughts?!

ummm no 🙅🙅