Page 31 | Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

ElleintheWoods · 2025-10-21T19:20:32+00:00

The Rules: - The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating - Develop a thick skin - Do not invest emotionally too soon - It's all BS until it actually happens - Trust your gut instinct - People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault - Know your wortH - If it's not fun, stop - Loo update is mandatory - No dating the thread - Treat others as you'd like to be treated - Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with - The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future - OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

TwistedWonder · 14/12/2025 15:43

BeAppleNow · 14/12/2025 14:14

I’ve never really gotten messages about my body per se , women do ask about bed room activities ( does my penis work) money ( quite often) & employment .

one woman judged me on my job, said she wouldn’t go on a date with a factory worker- when I explained my job she said that it was okay- so l blocked her.

women are inappropriate about different things

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I’ve always had full length photos in my profile and always got comments about my figure - quite often crude

One I remember told me my arse looked perfect to grab when I’m being taken from behind - as ann opening message!

CleanShirt · 14/12/2025 16:10

Eurgh. Was feeling restless after a night away so sent a "what are you up to?" text to the fireman. Nothing hours later. Guess that's my answer there! Shame, he was food fun.

Nosdacariad · 14/12/2025 17:46

@CleanShirt was that a Freudian slip?

Mr Abacus appears to think he maybe might want to meet and offered to come to my town. Hazy on date though.

CleanShirt · 14/12/2025 17:49

Nosdacariad · 14/12/2025 17:46

@CleanShirt was that a Freudian slip?

Mr Abacus appears to think he maybe might want to meet and offered to come to my town. Hazy on date though.

Ha what an unfortunate typo!

Ooh keep us updated.

BeAppleNow · 14/12/2025 18:29

CleanShirt · 14/12/2025 16:10

Eurgh. Was feeling restless after a night away so sent a "what are you up to?" text to the fireman. Nothing hours later. Guess that's my answer there! Shame, he was food fun.

Could he be on a shout ?

BeAppleNow · 14/12/2025 18:29

Nosdacariad · 14/12/2025 17:46

@CleanShirt was that a Freudian slip?

Mr Abacus appears to think he maybe might want to meet and offered to come to my town. Hazy on date though.

Bonus

CleanShirt · 14/12/2025 18:34

BeAppleNow · 14/12/2025 18:29

Could he be on a shout ?

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I know he's off today, wouldn't have sent the worlds most timid booty call if he was at work 🤣

justsurvivingnotthriving · 14/12/2025 21:53

Don’t ever put that you are into yoga on a dating app, lots of men see it as an open invitation to ask you how flexible you are… 🤢🤢🤢

NervesOfCotton · 14/12/2025 22:01

justsurvivingnotthriving Ugh, some of them are just grim aren't they. They will use 'anything' to turn the conversation dirty.

When I first joined OLD & my kids were younger, I used to say 'When the kids are in bed in the evening I just miss having an adult to chat to sometimes, just a bit of adult conversation'.

And the amount of men that used this to say things like 'Adult conversation eh? Yeah I miss 'adult conversation' too, if that's what you like to call it. Wink wink'

Or 'Oh yeah I miss 'Adult conversation' too, so when did you last enjoy a 'Conversation?' Lol'.

BoxOfCats · 15/12/2025 08:24

So I did a very spontaneous thing on Friday and decided at 8am that day to book flights for 3pm the same day, to go and visit Mr Nomad (who has just moved to Beautiful Holiday Destination 2 hours flight away). I flew back on Sunday evening, so had the whole weekend there with him.

He seemed pretty happy when I told him I was coming. And despite the short notice, made a real effort once I was there - picked me up from the airport which is an hour away, took me out for dinner both nights, had planned some activities for us that he had obviously put a bit of thought into, had even gotten some of my favourite foods in.

But - I asked him again why he wasn’t into the idea of commitment in relationships (as despite matching on Tinder in September and seeing each other very regularly since then we are still not officially an item) and I didn’t really get much from him other than it just doesn’t suit his current nomadic lifestyle, and there is an element of wanting to protect himself too. Soooo I suspect that this isn’t something that isn’t going to change really. I did reiterate again that I couldn’t handle dating someone who was also dating other people, but he didn’t really comment. He has previously said that he isn’t seeing anyone else, but has also never said that we are exclusive either.

I’m now wondering if I should just enjoy it for what it is but get back to dating other people in the meantime so that I keep my options open and don’t get too attached or hurt. Mr Charismatic, who I matched with on Bumble and went on a few dates with earlier in the year before he ran into some personal issues, has popped up again and seems keen to meet up.

I think I’m just confused as despite what Mr Nomad says, he otherwise continues to treat me like his girlfriend. Calls me every day, is caring and attentive, fulfils my wildest dreams in the bedroom (best sex of my life!). Just doesn’t want to commit to an actual relationship. And while I’m not looking for marriage or kids, i just don’t think I can hack the idea of a completely casual relationship either.

Any advice most welcome 😩

bluedabadeedabadoo · 15/12/2025 08:38

BoxOfCats · 15/12/2025 08:24

So I did a very spontaneous thing on Friday and decided at 8am that day to book flights for 3pm the same day, to go and visit Mr Nomad (who has just moved to Beautiful Holiday Destination 2 hours flight away). I flew back on Sunday evening, so had the whole weekend there with him.

He seemed pretty happy when I told him I was coming. And despite the short notice, made a real effort once I was there - picked me up from the airport which is an hour away, took me out for dinner both nights, had planned some activities for us that he had obviously put a bit of thought into, had even gotten some of my favourite foods in.

But - I asked him again why he wasn’t into the idea of commitment in relationships (as despite matching on Tinder in September and seeing each other very regularly since then we are still not officially an item) and I didn’t really get much from him other than it just doesn’t suit his current nomadic lifestyle, and there is an element of wanting to protect himself too. Soooo I suspect that this isn’t something that isn’t going to change really. I did reiterate again that I couldn’t handle dating someone who was also dating other people, but he didn’t really comment. He has previously said that he isn’t seeing anyone else, but has also never said that we are exclusive either.

I’m now wondering if I should just enjoy it for what it is but get back to dating other people in the meantime so that I keep my options open and don’t get too attached or hurt. Mr Charismatic, who I matched with on Bumble and went on a few dates with earlier in the year before he ran into some personal issues, has popped up again and seems keen to meet up.

I think I’m just confused as despite what Mr Nomad says, he otherwise continues to treat me like his girlfriend. Calls me every day, is caring and attentive, fulfils my wildest dreams in the bedroom (best sex of my life!). Just doesn’t want to commit to an actual relationship. And while I’m not looking for marriage or kids, i just don’t think I can hack the idea of a completely casual relationship either.

Any advice most welcome 😩

Sounds like you had an amazing weekend! I think you need to think hard what you do want out of this ‘relationship’. How would you feel if he did date someone else?
I absolutely could not handle this and would have to end it before I got really hurt as it sounds similar to a relationship I was in a few years ago but everyone’s different so if you are happy to take it as it is then that is fine. You have given him ample opportunities to talk about the relationship and you are not getting anything back which I would find really hard. From an outsider it seems like he wants the best of both worlds- have the benefits of a relationship without the label and therefore free rein to do what he wants outside of that as ultimately he can say ‘well we weren’t in a relationship’.

Big hugs. I can imagine how hard this is because although I say I’d walk, in reality I probably wouldn’t as I would always have a glimmer of hope that something would change!

BeAppleNow · 15/12/2025 08:41

BoxOfCats · 15/12/2025 08:24

So I did a very spontaneous thing on Friday and decided at 8am that day to book flights for 3pm the same day, to go and visit Mr Nomad (who has just moved to Beautiful Holiday Destination 2 hours flight away). I flew back on Sunday evening, so had the whole weekend there with him.

He seemed pretty happy when I told him I was coming. And despite the short notice, made a real effort once I was there - picked me up from the airport which is an hour away, took me out for dinner both nights, had planned some activities for us that he had obviously put a bit of thought into, had even gotten some of my favourite foods in.

But - I asked him again why he wasn’t into the idea of commitment in relationships (as despite matching on Tinder in September and seeing each other very regularly since then we are still not officially an item) and I didn’t really get much from him other than it just doesn’t suit his current nomadic lifestyle, and there is an element of wanting to protect himself too. Soooo I suspect that this isn’t something that isn’t going to change really. I did reiterate again that I couldn’t handle dating someone who was also dating other people, but he didn’t really comment. He has previously said that he isn’t seeing anyone else, but has also never said that we are exclusive either.

I’m now wondering if I should just enjoy it for what it is but get back to dating other people in the meantime so that I keep my options open and don’t get too attached or hurt. Mr Charismatic, who I matched with on Bumble and went on a few dates with earlier in the year before he ran into some personal issues, has popped up again and seems keen to meet up.

I think I’m just confused as despite what Mr Nomad says, he otherwise continues to treat me like his girlfriend. Calls me every day, is caring and attentive, fulfils my wildest dreams in the bedroom (best sex of my life!). Just doesn’t want to commit to an actual relationship. And while I’m not looking for marriage or kids, i just don’t think I can hack the idea of a completely casual relationship either.

Any advice most welcome 😩

So - I’m quite old ( fashioned), and believe in seeing one person at a time, if you want X and nomad isn’t going to supply X - then move on - and see others- but don’t keep nomad as a backup- that’s not really fair on either of you.

I want more from my previous GF than she really wanted to offer me ( lied to me as turned out as well ) so we parted which was incredibly difficult- but ultimately the right to do in the circumstances and now I’m seeing someone else, but don’t take advice from me

NervesOfCotton · 15/12/2025 09:49

BoxOfCats I'm glad that you had a lovely weekend, sounds great!

I honestly don't know what I'd advise, seems like he's 'having his cake & eating it' without giving you what you are really looking for in a way, BUT he's being honest about it, & it's not as if you aren't enjoying it too!

Could you have a conversation along the lines of 'So things stay exactly as they are, however neither of us are going to see other people?' maybe, & see how that conversation goes?

BoxOfCats · 15/12/2025 16:21

Thank you for all the replies!

i would definitely be hurt if I found out he was seeing someone else. The weird thing is, I don’t think he actually wants to see anyone else anyway! I’m due to visit him in mid January for 4 days again, so I think maybe a conversation along the lines of what @NervesOfCottonsuggested is in order, and if he definitely wants to be able to have his cake and eat it then I will know it’s time to move on.

Nosdacariad · 15/12/2025 19:41

BoxOfCats · 15/12/2025 08:24

So I did a very spontaneous thing on Friday and decided at 8am that day to book flights for 3pm the same day, to go and visit Mr Nomad (who has just moved to Beautiful Holiday Destination 2 hours flight away). I flew back on Sunday evening, so had the whole weekend there with him.

He seemed pretty happy when I told him I was coming. And despite the short notice, made a real effort once I was there - picked me up from the airport which is an hour away, took me out for dinner both nights, had planned some activities for us that he had obviously put a bit of thought into, had even gotten some of my favourite foods in.

But - I asked him again why he wasn’t into the idea of commitment in relationships (as despite matching on Tinder in September and seeing each other very regularly since then we are still not officially an item) and I didn’t really get much from him other than it just doesn’t suit his current nomadic lifestyle, and there is an element of wanting to protect himself too. Soooo I suspect that this isn’t something that isn’t going to change really. I did reiterate again that I couldn’t handle dating someone who was also dating other people, but he didn’t really comment. He has previously said that he isn’t seeing anyone else, but has also never said that we are exclusive either.

I’m now wondering if I should just enjoy it for what it is but get back to dating other people in the meantime so that I keep my options open and don’t get too attached or hurt. Mr Charismatic, who I matched with on Bumble and went on a few dates with earlier in the year before he ran into some personal issues, has popped up again and seems keen to meet up.

I think I’m just confused as despite what Mr Nomad says, he otherwise continues to treat me like his girlfriend. Calls me every day, is caring and attentive, fulfils my wildest dreams in the bedroom (best sex of my life!). Just doesn’t want to commit to an actual relationship. And while I’m not looking for marriage or kids, i just don’t think I can hack the idea of a completely casual relationship either.

Any advice most welcome 😩

As much as I hope to be proved wrong, I think you have to believe what he says/fails to say.

There's a reason you're confused.

I sooo hope I'm wrong xxx

NervesOfCotton · 15/12/2025 19:42

BoxOfCats · 15/12/2025 16:21

Thank you for all the replies!

i would definitely be hurt if I found out he was seeing someone else. The weird thing is, I don’t think he actually wants to see anyone else anyway! I’m due to visit him in mid January for 4 days again, so I think maybe a conversation along the lines of what @NervesOfCottonsuggested is in order, and if he definitely wants to be able to have his cake and eat it then I will know it’s time to move on.

Sounds like a plan.
I'm sorry though, I don't envy you being in this situation.

It's typical isn't it, you get what you want but it's only kind of what you want!

Nosdacariad · 16/12/2025 12:50

Mr Abacus appears to not be man enough to suit the action to the word.

bluedabadeedabadoo · 16/12/2025 15:53

Nosdacariad · 16/12/2025 12:50

Mr Abacus appears to not be man enough to suit the action to the word.

Oh no what’s happened?

Nosdacariad · 16/12/2025 16:22

bluedabadeedabadoo · 16/12/2025 15:53

Oh no what’s happened?

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It is apparently beyond him to name a date & time. I think he just wants to do text flirting. Doing that endlessly is not really my aim 🙃

bluedabadeedabadoo · 16/12/2025 17:25

Nosdacariad · 16/12/2025 16:22

It is apparently beyond him to name a date & time. I think he just wants to do text flirting. Doing that endlessly is not really my aim 🙃

Show quote history

Yer move on. How boring to just want to text and not actually get to know someone in real life!

Original poster

ElleintheWoods · 16/12/2025 21:54

@BoxOfCats What do you want as the outcome of this conversation? Do you want anything to change/ change his mind, or do you just want to say what's on your mind and end it?

IMO the conversation has already been had, revisiting it isn't going to change his mind. Either you go with it or ditch him. Ultimatums rarely work - but that's my opinion.

If he's ever going to change his mind, he'll come to that conclusion in his own time.

OP posts:

BeAppleNow · 17/12/2025 07:16

Nosdacariad · 16/12/2025 16:22

It is apparently beyond him to name a date & time. I think he just wants to do text flirting. Doing that endlessly is not really my aim 🙃

Show quote history

That’s ridiculous really- it’s best to meet the person in person, I think some men might get scared off , just in case the date doesn’t go well - you have lost that little connection that was there via text -
I know I have been guilty of that in the past- you text someone for too long and look forward to the daily conversation/ communication - but when you meet there is no spark and that little connection has gone and you have a little something special

BeAppleNow · 17/12/2025 07:16

Nosdacariad · 16/12/2025 16:22

It is apparently beyond him to name a date & time. I think he just wants to do text flirting. Doing that endlessly is not really my aim 🙃

Show quote history

That’s ridiculous really- it’s best to meet the person in person, I think some men might get scared off , just in case the date doesn’t go well - you have lost that little connection that was there via text -
I know I have been guilty of that in the past- you text someone for too long and look forward to the daily conversation/ communication - but when you meet there is no spark and that little connection has gone and you have a little something special

librauk · 17/12/2025 07:22

@Nosdacariad
are you sure he is single ??

BeAppleNow · 17/12/2025 07:29

Not sure why that went twice, I didn’t type it twice !

was going to add that dating for men ( especially us older men ), is really difficult and absolutely fraught with disappointment and frustration and rejection