Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Well I'd made the effort to go to the hotel.....so I stayed. I know, I know....
It wasn't really until after that I thought about how grim it was.

Eurgh it's so frustrating isn't it?

Technically I think I've been ghosted twice this week... Saw the fireman I've been trying to do casual things with on Wednesday and not heard from him since (and definitely definitely realising I can't do casual!).

Yeah @CleanShirt it is, did you ever hear anything? I got a message at about 7.30pm (having messaged him at about 2pm) and I spoke to him later on, felt like I should really as we’ve been messaging for ages (I fell into that trap, wouldn’t again). I don’t want to pursue anything as I’m supposed to see MrMathematician again next weekend but then I’ve not heard from him since Tuesday, we don’t text every day so I think it’s fine but who knows 🤷‍♀️

Yes I got a "sorry just seen this work blah blah" at about 6. Ignored!

I hate the not knowing! Hopefully Mr Maths shows up.

There's one other man in speaking to who is absolutely not my time but absolutely hilarious and seems really nice. If he goes then I'm done 🤣

I haven't looked on Bumble in a few months now, just had a look & there's this man in a cowboy hat, shirt undone just a little, doing the 'Howdy ma'am' type pose... Ooh I do have a thing for cowboys. Sigh

CleanShirt That's a crappy response, isn't it.

I feel sure there are fixes for this issue 🙂

Mr Abacus got the "crack on" message

I’m not sure there are. He’s got a serious injury atm and is doing some tough rehab that makes him tired, and taking some strong pain killers also.

checked out the side effects of his meds and apparently decreased control and these kinds of occurrences are a side effect. Add to that the tiredness…

Are there any methods in mind that work? I’ve read some articles and may try a thing or 2 but ultimately the meds are pretty powerful.

What’s happening with Abacus?

Yeah that would get me as well!

@ElleintheWoods changing position? Stopping momentarily? Wipes/spray might be a bit intrusive that last one.

Mr Abacus is probably deciding whether to ask me out or ghost me 😁

Evening all! I was just wondering what everyone’s views are on when the 2nd date should be arranged after an initial date (if you have already both agreed that you want to see each higher again)?
I prefer it to be straight away and get anxious when it isn’t!

In the next week or two?

I prefer dates weekends do I’d say the next one as ok g as you’re both free

I had a 3rd date with Mr Engineer last night and it was bloody rubbish so I shan't be seeing him again!

Firstly he was 15 minutes late because he'd been watching the football in another pub (after going out of his way to tell me he wasn't a football fan).

When he arrived I had just gone up to the bar to get the first round of drinks. Rather than say thanks (or even hello) the first thing he did was ask the bartender if it's too late to scan his loyalty card. After a bit of grumbling (from MrE) the lovely bartender offered to refund the drinks then run the purchase again with the loyalty card. MrE said yes! I said no thanks, I'm the one who paid and I'm not wasting everyone's time.

Had a nice enough chat for a while but it went downhill again. He made some comments about the age gap, saying he'd been boasting to his mates and had to show them all our Hinge chat so they would believe him. He then used an offensive term which I called him out for.

I was feeling very awkward by this point and clock watching until my next bus home. Bus got cancelled so I called a cab. He asked me back to his and I said no thanks, he then stood behind me for 10 minutes while I waited for the cab. He tried to kiss me as I got into the cab which led to an awkward bumping of foreheads and I scrambled into the cab without another word.

He texted me while I was on the way home saying he wasn't feeling a spark, which is fair as there was definitely no spark! Didn't stop him inviting me back to his though!

It's funny because our first date was actually very nice! I was out of town for a few weeks and I reckon he found someone else while I was away so the effort level plummeted as he had other options, but that's just a guess.

Need to summon up the energy to get back out there and find some more dates but my motivation is low right now!

@Kaltenzahn ugh that all sounds really annoying. I'm down there with you, think I might give up for the winter!

I was having really nice chats with a guy yesterday and had arranged to meet next week when he started talking about fingering out of nowhere. So that's one block.

The fireman piped up because I left something at his and then has left me on read when I asked for it back 🤦🏻‍♀️ he might be getting in the block bin soon.

@CleanShirt it's such a pain! I'm annoyed I wasted an evening (and wasted money buying the cheap git a drink!) but at least I know not to waste more time on him and it happened before I got emotionally invested.

I've got a bit of a cycle going with OLD. I download the apps and give it a go for a few months, have some chats and go on some dates. After a couple of months I'm so fed up and disheartened that I decide it's better to just be single, I delete the apps and go back to enjoying single life for about a year, until I forget how rubbish it is and the cycle begins again!

OLD really is the pits but I've made a rod for my own back as I absolutely won't consider dating anyone at work. I have a demanding job with weird shifts which limits my chances of meeting guys IRL. Oh well!

@Kaltenzahn also weird shifts here! And definitely absolutely will not get with someone at work (made that mistake before and been very burnt).

I'm annoyed about fingering guy tho. He wasn't my physical type at all but seemed really cool and funny so thought I'd give him a chance. Shan't be doing that again.

@Kaltenzahn I’m in the same cycle. Was out with friends last weekend and they swiped for me. Woke up next morning, looked at the matches and queried if my friends actually know me at all! Nothing happening with any of them. I’ll probably delete soon.
I always said I’d never date anyone at work. I’m in a senior role and most men are off limits and really not my type. However I’ve met two in the last few months that are local to me and work in very different departments to me that I’d not come across before. Both very attractive and seem lovely. I probably won’t go there as the fall out would affect me reputationally (it’s always the woman and never the man) but it has made me rethink my own rules.
I’m considering a paid OLD site in the new year to see if that’s any better.

@CleanShirt it's a shame. I don't know why they do things like that, possibly boundary testing? I can't imagine many women reacting positively to a random comment about fingering out of the blue, although enough men do it that they must be getting some positive reaction somewhere or surely they'd learn?!?

@Kaltenzahn god knows from where! This was a man in his mid 40s with a son! Didn't even respond.

@Brightbluesomething yes I got horribly burned in a work situation many years back and the fallout always comes back on the woman (at least in my experience). Never again!

Honestly I can’t fathom why so many men think coming out with sexual stuff completely out of the blue is the way to impress women.

The amount of men in OLD who think ‘you’ve got fantastic tits’ is the way to start a conversation with wine looking for a LTR astounds me. Do they never think ‘maybe I should tone it down?’

I mean would any of these men walk up to a woman in RL and use these lines? Online has definitely blurred the boundaries of what’s acceptable imo

I’m an HR manager and many years of dealing with the fallout from workplace hook ups gone wrong means I’d avoid getting involved with a colleague like the plague.

Though these days I’m 75% WFH so barely see anyone I work with anyway

I do meet men in the wild but they’re just as bad as the ones online - liars, sex pests, bombarding with non stop messages, Tommy Robinson supporters - and that’s just the last few I’ve met!

@CleanShirt I was having a very nice chat with a guy last week and would have been up for meeting but mid conversation he said "I can already picture you sucking my cock". Just completely killed the conversation and he got blocked.

I'm open to something casual but there's something so grim about these explicit comments shoehorned into normal conversation (or even used as conversation starters). I wouldn't have any type of sex chat until I'd met someone in person and judged the chemistry.

It’s grim. I was chatting to someone last week, 3rd message was: are you taking any contraception?!!!!