Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

First night together after knowing for ages, dates etc.... arrived at the hotel (he lives in a different city)....smelled unpleasant. I went to the bathroom - skids in toilet. Why would you do this when you know your date is about to turn up for a night of passion??!! Also had socks and boxers drying/hanging on radiator.

When I was on the dating site with a Forum this question came up a lot & there are many women who simply will not ask as they view it as the male role.

I've said this on here before, I'm happy to ask although I have had a few men say that if the woman asks then it makes her seem desperate, so... (I still ask myself, if I want to meet them. I had a lovely couple of dates once with a man who said he'd never ask the woman as he's too scared they will think he's pushy, so if I didn't ask then these dates would never have happened!)

Sent a "still on for tonight?" message at 8am. Place your bets on the time of the not unexpected cancellation/ ghosting now! 🤣

CleanShirt What time were you supposed to be meeting? (Also, is your username from Peep Show?!)

Yes! 🤣

Supposed to be meeting at 7, place arranged and everything but comms have definitely been lacking in the last couple of days

Ugh it's not looking good, is it.

Nope! Was supposed to meet on Sunday but he had an emergency (know it was genuine) and arranged to meet tonight, and a pub, after work. But definitely dribs and drabs of messages this week.

CleanShirt I think if it were me then I'd tell him that I've made other plans now (if you do hear from him) it's not like you didn't try to confirm things this morning.

That attitude is a bit silly really- it feels like (some) complaining about men not doing something, but then still sitting on their own hands

I think it's just a difference in attitudes/values. Some women are happy to ask a man out, some women would rather be asked out. Some men would be thrilled to be asked out by a woman, some men would be put off (as @NervesOfCotton mentioned).

I'm happy to ask a man out and if he's put off by that it's no loss because a man who would be put off by something like that clearly has different values to me and we wouldn't be compatible. I might roll my eyes and think it's a bit ridiculous but we're all entitled to our preferences.

Some women like a man to ask them out, pick them up, pay the bill and some men also enjoy that role. While it's not my cup of tea two people who shared that attitude could be compatible and have a great relationship.

@bluedabadeedabadoo there are online resources to help you with anxiety in dating. Lots of them.

He clearly thinks you're good enough!

Oh dear God. What did you do?

Yeah, it's only a week tomorrow so I may say something at the weekend.

Instinct tells me it will be 👻👻👻

I’ve exhausted it all honestly. It doesn’t help in the moment. I know all the techniques etc but in the moment nothing helps. I actually find chat GPT the best. I’ll ask her if there is anything k can access over Christmas. I think there is a text service but to be fair I think that’s just the same as chat gpt

Or come on here.

@BeAppleNow glad your monk-like season has ended 😉

3pm. No reply and left on read. Oh well!

Walk away and don't look back. He's given you good info there.

It has happened to me too.

bluedabadeedabadoo I've used the 'Shout' text service before.

Kaltenzahn Absolutely, it's all about compatibility!

Oh deffo. Into the abyss of ghosts he goes!

CleanShirt On to the next!
The abyss of ghosts... I love some of the sayings that people write on here!

I swear it's just like a quarry of people avoiding WhatsApp or writing things like "sorry but...."

Yep this thread was really good when I was in the peak on anxiety when dating someone a few weeks ago.

@CleanShirt I’ve been ghosted today too!

I’ve been texting MrEngineer for weeks, we tried to meet up once, it didn’t work out but we carried on messaging. I’d suggested I could call him for a chat tonight…nothing!

I was kind of looking for a mandate to get out of it anyway as it went well with Mr Mathematician last weekend and we’re supposed to be seeing each other again and I don’t feel right about messaging other men now (I think it’s fine but just not my style). Mr Elusive not an issue as he’s back in his elusive era!

They are indeed. I kind of know why, but it's still frustrating.

However as I said, he's as good as it gets right now, I like that he's open and vulnerable with me, and looove that he's so physical, constantly holding hands, hugging me, me sitting in his lap, little massages without further intent. He's really reminding me how important this is for me when being with a man, and how long I've not had that for.

Same
My stupid ex sees the kids for a hours a week. Thankfully I have a support network to help with childcare.