Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I had one a bit like that . With his long working hours and his hobbies, the only date he could suggest was me meeting him in his break from work at 10am on a Saturday at the cafe near where he works- a 30 minute drive from me.

Now I’m happy with a weekend relationship but not being squeezed in the odd half hour to fit into his schedule

Downfall about crazy!

Thanks the person I’m seeing does 3 shifts in a 12 hour day, 3 on 3 off , so will often work every other weekend and mix that in with child care - there is not really much spare time

😂

When I look at this thread is always amazes me how some people manage to have so many chats going at once- I really struggled with that,

as an aside a woman a messaged about a month ago has just replied yesterday, !

Yes I can’t do that. I can’t split my energy between people. I’m an all or nothing type of gal 🤷‍♀️ I’ve been guilty of not replying for a month when I’ve not been active on the apps and just bobbing in now and again. Either that or she was dating someone and has responded when that ended?

@BeAppleNow @bluedabadeedabadoo I’d give it all up for a man that loved me. I’d never have even started all this if my husband had loved me, I’d be 12 years married and quite oblivious. In the meantime, I’m keeping my options open, two of them
are just penpals at this point. if the second date goes well with the other one, I’ll have to curb it with the others as I’d never want to hurt anyone. Please don’t hold me in judgement or discuss me as though I’m not here, I’m trying to stay positive in what’s in reality a bit of a shit situation.

@PinkNeonSign
no judgement here - just a comparison between OLD experiences for different people

PinkNeonSign Hugs from me. I know what you mean, we don't 'want' to be doing OLD in the first place, it's circumstances that has lead us here.

Personally I've got no problem with chatting to more than one at once (when I am chatting) like you say, as soon as/if things work out with one then you stop chatting to the others.

Oh I’m so sorry! I’m certainly not judging anyone at all! I wish I could split my energy between people and not put all my eggs in one basket because as you will see from my posts it contributes to the high levels of anxiety I have been experiencing. I’m sorry if you think I was talking about you and you are not here that certainly wasn’t the intention and my comments were around my own mindset about dating in this way and in now way about how you choose to date. Again I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.

Welcome @CleanShirt x

@BeAppleNow sorry it does sound as though he would like a relationship that slots around his life. Perhaps he is best matched to someone who sits around waiting…

Hi everyone, can I join this thread! Have started navigating the waters of online dating again recently (it’s not going well 😂)

Welcome @Starlingdew x

Welcome to the thread and good luck treading your way through the murky waters of OLD!

Thank you! I’ve had 3 dates in the last few weeks- 2 were awful and 1 actually went really well and we arranged a second date but the last few days the vibes have totally changed so I’m suspecting this is the start of the slow fade! Back to the drawing board I guess 😂

Thanks , I’m the he

Welcome @Starlingdew! What was so awful about your two dates? Onwards and upwards!

@BeAppleNow I think these can work but you both need to want to see each other and make time. Only you know in your heart whether its enough. Do you want someone you see every day, or every weekend? Do you like her enough to snatch these moments? You sound a bit like you are settling, but cant you see how it goes, give it a time limit? I remember a poster here who had a similar situation and they are still together. The woman's job was hectic but they made it work.

My most recent ex felt like he was a weekend relationship and wanted more. I have children and even then I was seeing him every weekend, once during the week, even working from his. But his idea of a relationship was waking up together and being together all the time. It was horribly painful at the time as I felt i was moving mountains for him but nothing i did was ever enough, because he wanted more. For me, any fragment of time with him made me happy. He felt differently.

I think a lot of men dont have the childcare responsibilities so don't understand that you may not have as much free time. Then they throw back that you haven't got time to date! No, you do have time but you have a life too. In your case, her situation is work, the question is is that enough for you? Or do you just think you won't get anyone else for a while?

@Eesha Agree with you here on dating men without children. Although on one hand it makes things easier if you only have one coparenting schedule to consider, men without children have a tendency to want to monopolise your time more, or expect you to be spontaneously available. My childfree time is very limited and I like to have plans in advance, as well as a bit of “me time” just to enjoy the peace!

The first one conveniently forgot his wallet and the second one was just plain rude! Had higher hopes for the third one until the communication all changed but such is life!

Has anyone been in any dates on Breeze? I’m really keen but not had any matches yet 🙄

@justsurvivingnotthriving i thought it would be easier but it has a whole lot of other issues. My colleague has a partner with no kids but the dad isnt really on the scene so her partner does all the childcare and treats the child like his child. Whereas in my situation, i have an ex but i do 99% of the childcare as he is 'busy'. Thankfully i have family who enabled me to have a life/relationship.

It saddens me hugely that women who are doing their best for their kids, and in my case left an abusive relationship, are almost left on the shelf till the children are so much older simply because we have real responsibilities. And im lucky because i have the childcare, many just dont have time/resources to waste. Whereas a lot of men just dont have that, mostly seeing their kids every other weekend, leaving them 12 days to date others.

Both my long term exes got married this year and both married women with no jobs and grown up kids - and i think can devote themselves to their husbands completely.

@Eeshain a very similar situation to you. My ex is too busy with work (I work too funnily enough!) to see our children more than 4 days a month. So everything else is left to me. I do have family thankfully who support but my energy levels after a day of childcare and/or work means that I am choosy about dates because I can’t bear to waste time when it’s so precious.

I feel the same sadness that so many women (and men, but I can only talk from my point of view) are left with all the responsibilities whereas my ex husband has been able to flit through a number of girlfriends over the years because he has time and energy at his disposal.

@justsurvivingnotthriving yes, the irony is i have a much bigger job and can juggle everything (school, home, work) yet my ex can only just about handle his work (which i helped him get because i met him when he had nothing). Then my partners complain as to why i am not forcing him to have the kids so i can prioritise them/us whereas why would i put my kids onto someone who is too 'busy' or who scares them. Then i post on mumsnet about feeling sad about being single - and then you get the usual diatribe about you made your bed, now lie in it. No, i didnt go into a relationship thinking they would be abusive, i left when my children were in their cots so they wouldnt live in fear. However does that mean im destined to be alone for good?

Rant over! Im really not so annoyed in real life but it does frustrate me that you can do everything right, and still meet plonkers.