Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thankyou and yes you are probably right. I did think that at times and nearly called it off due to that but then thought I’m expecting too much after just a week or 2. I need to find the balance between anxiety and instinct

Nosdacariad Never heard that before, 'Woofing up the wrong bush'. Love it

@bluedabadeedabadoo so sorry it didn't work out, it's awful when you're not on the same page. I know it's really hard but try and reframe the idea of rejection in your head. It's not that you did anything wrong or that you weren't enough, it's just that the two of you weren't a match. Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel tough enough to get back out there again!

It just sounds like comparability. Good to know this early on at least. And him ending it now just makes way for someone who is more compatible to come along. It’s hard though, I understand!

I think so much depends on the individual. I don’t have any kids and work 9-5, I have plenty of flexibility myself so wouldn’t have too much of an issue with it. But someone who has a lot less flexibility might struggle with it, especially if it means you won’t get much quality time together? Guess it also depends what they want from a relationship too, e.g. casual vs more serious long term.

No to the Chat GPT for messages. Maybe because it screams low effort to me?

yes I’m the same, no kids - work core office hours - the lady I’m seeing works shifts with days on / off bit like a follow the sun call centre, for example she is working Christmas Day and Boxing Day mornings this year

Ah ok. So you are ok with it then?

I had more issues with my ex who was a freelancer. He worked maybe 40% of the time, jobs were intense and he worked very hard when “on” but then in between jobs had a lot of spare time. Couldn’t seem to get his head around the fact I worked 40 hours a week so was always complaining that I seemed busy and stressed (yes, because I’m trying to fit everything else in my life around seeing you 3 nights a week!).

Morning all. Thanks for your support! I actually feel ok today. I think that it was to be fair a bit of a relief. I on a few occasions nearly sabotaged it, but then didn’t as felt there was something there and felt I needed to work through my issues and not just walk away from them. It’s hard to know how much was my anxiety in overdrive and how much was my intuition telling me something wasn’t right. I did actually go on the apps last night as a bit of distraction. Not sure what I’ll do moving forward whilst I’m trying to work through my issues. I need to have a good journaling session tonight which will help me reflect and decide how to proceed.

I’m really sorry to read that, I was previously in a relationship with someone for about 2 years and she changed her mind about me in about 2 weeks, that was an absolutely horrible experience- hope you are okay- pm me if you want to chat

Thankyou. That’s exactly why I am like I am. I was with someone previously and was blind sighted by him after 2 years. It was an absolute head f*ck and the anxiety and overthinking is about trying to protect myself from that again.

yeah - I think some get the classic 2 yr itch & if you are on the receiving end it’s bloody brutal

Hello, can I join please?

Started casually dating after divorce. I didn't think I wanted a relationship but more of a fwb thing. Turns out I can't do things like that without catching feelings 🫣 so now trying to decide whether I date with intent, suck up the feels or be a nun for another 2 years. It's so much more complicated that when I was in my 20s!

Hi @CleanShirt
I think you have to be a certain type of person to do FWB. Or choose someone you won’t fall for. I had one who was a shift worker @BeAppleNow and it didn’t work out. He caught feelings and I didn’t, but we barely saw each other as he had a 6 day rolling shift pattern. Plus extra Fri/Sat night overtime shifts (you can guess his job). Most of his relationships had broken down due to his shift pattern. I ended it and got tested just to be sure.
The dating pool is awful and you have to be resilient. I’m taking a break for the moment unless Mr Perfect knocks on my door. Given the only people who do are delivery drivers I don’t think that’s likely! If you have any questions there are lots of wise minds on this thread.

@BeAppleNow I'm in a similar situation and it's tricky unless you want to go out with people in your profession, which I absolutely don't (got very burnt!).

The chap I met last week is a fireman so thought that would work in terms of being able to meet up at weird times but nope, ghosted 🫣

I’m talking to a bloke on an app, he’s made it very clear he just wants to meet up for sex. Shall I go?!

I‘m talking to three others, Mr Elusive comes and goes and messes my head up, Mr Engineer is incredibly sweet but it never goes anywhere, Mr Mathematician has potential but we’re going on a date which I’m having to organise and I’m not sure I can be arsed, the outcome is the same anyway, at least this other one is more direct!

If you are happy to just go to have sex and you are sure you are safe then why the hell not!

It depends if you’re ok with a no strings hook up with someone you probably will only meet once.

Only you know if that’s something you’re ok with. It’s a very personal choice

@bluedabadeedabadoo and @TwistedWonder I don’t think I ever would, I’ve always done everything by the book and it’s not got me very far in the romantic stakes!

If you feel happy with no strings then who worries what the book says. Women can enjoy no strings sex too if that’s something they are happy with.

I can’t do casual it’s just not in my DNA. I need a connection before I kiss someone let alone have sex.

I wish I could - I’ve got friends who can sleep with a man within hours and then just move on without a backwards glance, I just couldn’t.

I’ve had more offers than I can count - very few of them worth a minutes consideration 😂😂

So logged onto the apps for a bit of a distraction today and got talking to Mr F1. Had some
Nice messages and a chat on the phone. On wards and upwards! I suppose it’s the only way with OLD. I need to do journal my experiences with Mr Beard to help me to reflect and move forward and hopefully cope better next time! I suppose only time
will tell.

I’m playing the bloke that propositioned me at his own game and I think he’s lost his nerve!

@BeAppleNow re working patterns, I think it depends on what else they do. I met a guy who was a novelist so you would think that was flexible and he saw his children every other week. He invited me out for dinner on a Sunday because it turned out he played sports twice a week plus Saturday morning and he collected his son on the other days for training and collected him in the morning before school… so literally he was could only do the middle of the day or Sunday evening..Nice guy but very unrealistic, also assuming that I have zero commitments