Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

The guys did what now?!!

MrX is being a 🍆 again.

I'm not one bit shocked by the watsapp thing I even had it this week. Grim is all i can say

Mr BTB has potential. A horsey, Labradorish petrol head is hard to find.

What do we think of using ChatGPT for messages? Not all of them. Him not me!

@Nosdacariad I use it to message sometimes, it’s just for fun. Or if I’m making an important point but want a 2nd pair of eyes before pressing send.

Well just had a very impromptu date with Mr Beard. He text last night suggesting we meet today when he was a bit drunk. I’d left my phone upstairs for a bit to try and stop me obsessing and find some head space and on picking it up Mr Beard had text my 4 times over a 2 hour period. Even though I felt really happy that he had initiated this I was stressing a bit that he may change his mind when sober. He however did message me this morning confirming that he wanted to meet up so I rang him and we chatted for a bit. He came round to mine this afternoon. We DTD again. It felt more comfortable this time. We then cuddled after for about half an hour and then headed to the shops and to get some food. It was such a lovely afternoon. He just perfect. We get on so well. Chat flows really nicely, we have laughs, chemistry is really good and we do have some slightly deeper chats too.
I feel so much better currently given that he initiated this and given that we have spent 5 hours together. Fingers crossed this continues. My MH has been good today but no doubt something will happen and I will spiral again but currently I’m enjoying how today went.

@bluedabadeedabadoo great news!

@justsurvivingnotthrivingGuy 1 seems to have jumped straight past "self reflection" into self absorbed. I find if someone goes out of their way to tell you how emotionally intelligent they are, they're probably not as emotionally intelligent as they think they are! Good on you for getting rid!

@Nosdacariadwhat did Mr 🍆 do? Glad you've found someone else with potential!

@bluedabadeedabadoohappy that it's going well for you with Mr Beard!

I'm rubbish at this dating thing. I've been out of town for a week visiting family and I've deleted all the matches I haven't met yet, as I can't be bothered to keep up the conversations. None were particularly exciting!

I'm still talking to Mr Engineer. We've been on one date and it was fun, he's attractive and interesting and conversation flows, and he's good to talk to over message as well. I'm not sure what he wants though! He told me he was open to casual or long term but he invited me to his place a few times after our first date (I declined) so I got the impression he was after something casual. I'm not opposed to that, as it would work with my life at the moment, but he's updated his profile on the apps to say he's looking for a serious long term relationship. What I don't want is to be a casual placeholder while he's looking for someone else! I'm wondering if he's pigeonholed me as a "casual" thing because of the big age gap. Will have a proper conversation in due course, but will wait until I've seen him in person a few more times!

@Kaltenzahn Mmm that does sound a little suss. It could be that on meeting you he’s realised he does want long term and that’s why his updated it to that effect. Although it does seem like he’s actively ‘searching’ for it though.
Ohh the mental gymnastics of OLD!
What is the age gap?

@Kaltenzahn Mr 🍆 boring story. We split months ago due to extreme lying on his part and he is convinced he will "do the work" and win me back.

In 4 months he has made approx zero progress.

He would like a mother, bank and cheerleader. If you see a guy on the apps in a Tom Baker scarf be wary😀

I also want to know about the age gap?

What are people’s thoughts about seeing someone who has a very different working pattern to yourself- is it a long term problem- or something that can fit easily?

How flexible is it? Is the person a long time in their role? Does the work pattern fluctuate?

I suppose it depends on the work patterns. The last man I dated for 2 years worked afternoons into evening (usually about 2-11) and I do a pretty straight 9-5 so we chatted most evenings and spent weekends together.

I think it depends on flexibility and what time you do both have that matches. If you have no time at all and neither can be flexible then it’s probably pretty pointless.
my ex worked on a rolling 4 week shift pattern that varied every week. It was very different to my 9-5 but we developed a routine which worked.

@Nosdacariad@bluedabadeedabadoo age gap is 17 years with him being older. It's the biggest age gap I've dated but out of everyone who popped up on OLD in the two weeks I was swiping he was the only one I fancied who could also carry a conversation!

@BeAppleNowshift patterns can be a nightmare! I work awful shifts, so if I'm trying to date someone else with irregular shifts we're like passing ships. I either need someone else in my industry who understands the demands and is happy with lots of last minute changes of plans or I need someone with flexibility or a standard 9-5 which I can work around (or at least try). It depends what you need from your partner - if someone wants to spend all their free time (evenings and weekends) together that's just not compatible with differing shifts. If someone already has a full/busy life and is happy in their own company then it could work as long as both people prioritise making the most of the time off they do have together.

@Kaltenzahn I guess it depends on your life stage whether that's an issue. A different proposition if you want kids together than if you don't x

Well after the really nice few hours I spent with mr Beard on Saturday I’ve been spiralling again due to not hearing from him and him not confirming plans for tomorrow. Just sent him a quick text to clarify if we are still meeting up and he has said he wants to stop seeing each other as he doesn’t feel that deeper connection. I’m struggling to understand what he means by that because he doesn’t really initiate any deeper discussions. We have had some fairly deep discussions, as much as you would expect for 5 dates but I felt that we could get there. This as you can imagine has sent my anxiety into overdrive as this is the rejection I’ve been trying to protect myself from and now I’m questioning loads of things that I was anxious about thinking ‘well maybe I was right’. I’m going to have to give dating a rest. I’m clearly not in the right head space.

I'm sorry, bluedabadeedabadoo that it's ended like this. I am glad, for your sake, that he has told you & ended things properly, but it's hard for you.

I hope you are alright.

Yes me too. We actually had (what I thought was a very general!!) conversation about this on Saturday and he knows how important that is to me. Maybe he was planting the seed! Who knows!
Im ok. It was only a few dates but it’s the rejection in the context of my anxiety that I’m struggling with. I feel like I was right to spiral today and yesterday and this will just feed into the ongoing pattern.

I know exactly what you mean, bluedabadeedabadoo. Your head is going to be telling you that you were right to feel like this all along now.

I know that you won't be able to right now, but in time, try to see it that you navigated the murky world of OLD, met somebody & had 5 dates, that's an achievement in itself!

@bluedabadeedabadoo It makes sense how you feel.

It's upsetting but better than dating someone who's not all in.

Sending love xxx

Mr BTB seems to be trying to impress me with his £££. He's woofing up the wrong bush with that.

Yep I know 5 dates is quite a lot. I have done OLD lots over the years but not for 6 years until now and I think my anxiety has spiralled since doing previously. I can handle the messaging side of things nowadays with ease. It’s beyond that I need to work on.

Hope you’re okay @bluedabadeedabadoo

Hope you’re ok @bluedabadeedabadoo- like you I have anxiety and it can be worse when I really like someone.

It won’t feel it right now, but see it as a gift, because I have only ever felt anxious in a relationship/dating context, when something wasn’t right. So your instinct is there. It doesn’t mean he was a bad guy, but subconsciously you didn’t feel emotionally safe with him. One day you’ll meet someone and you won’t have to question why he has left you on read, or what’s going on in his mind. It’ll just flow.

Sending love ❤️