Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

bluedabadeedabadoo It's really hard isn't it. My mind does those mental gymnastics too (when I'm dating) but hard as it is, he's meeting you for a third date so try (try!) not to overthink it.

I wouldn't call asking him if he's still on for tomorrow 'chasing' him either.

I know. It’s just how my messed up brain works. Impact of past trauma still playing havoc and having a massive impact.
I’ll be accessing interpersonal counselling soon. I know it won’t cure me overnight but I’m hoping it will help.

@bluedabadeedabadoo If you have access to counselling and feel like you need it, it's never a bad idea.

I'd say look up relationship anxiety, this may give you some resources. I used to suffer with it and feeling like that makes dating frankly quite unpleasant and not fun.

Used to struggle with it particularly badly during my period, I'd have 1-2 days of being fully convinced the person I was dating wasn't into me at all.

Meanwhile, enjoy your date today! Remember, if a man has asked you on a date, it's a pretty strong indicator they're into you 😉

I think just accept that it is going to feel wobbly for you and the right person will make you feel less wobbly xxx

bluedabadeedabadoo What time are you meeting & what are you doing for your date?

Thankyou! Yes I’ve done all the research and know all the tips but unfortunately it’s still bad. I know myself well and know exactly why I’m like this but no matter what I do to try to rationalise with my self, I slip into the previous patterns.

I am actually in my period but I don’t think I can blame that. I’m always like this. I hoped that a 5 year break from dating would help. I’m calm until I’ve met the person but anxiety hits afterwards.

Yes I do do that but then think well I’m reading too much into it. To be fair my instincts are usually right 🤷‍♀️. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion but I don’t feel like it’s going to go anywhere after today.

Good luck @bluedabadeedabadoo! And easier said than done, but try to have high standards but low expectations. That way you can only ever be pleasantly surprised! Remember you are the prize, he’s lucky to have the chance to go out with you.

Well, Mr Nomad is here, currently asleep in my bed (it’s morning here). He drove up 2 hours last night, took me out for dinner and we had a really pleasant evening. So I thought it might be a good time to attempt a conversation on what will happen once he moves to the other end of the country in 3 weeks, seeing as I still have no idea if he considers us in a relationship or not.

Having this conversation with a man who finds it incredibly awkward to discuss his feelings was quite amusing:

Me: (joking) Once you move to X, you’ll be dead to me 😆
Him: 😮
Me: Well… what do you actually want to happen with us after you move?
Him: (looks like a deer in the headlights for a good 10 seconds)
Me: …..?
Him: Er…. You could come visit?
Me: You actually want me to come and visit you?
Him: Yes! (gives me a kiss)

Soooo…. I guess we are an item now 🤣

@BoxOfCats
so happy for you both , may it continue to blossom.

Nothing new to report from me
apps are dead just now, it’s just the same old…
only chatting to one, Mr Rodeo, been a few weeks now(this is the young one.lol )
he is very sweet, I am off this weekend, so going to be bold, and see if he wants to meet up, will be half way, as we stay a few hrs apart. Wish me luck 😊

Excellent news @BoxOfCats and go for it @librauk !!

I’m still in a bit of a funk. MrElusive asked me out then hasn’t set a time or place which is getting to me. I was messaging 4 others last week, MrTagine was texting from abroad then disappeared. I met ActionMan on Thursday, nice, handsome, still texting but not feeling it. MrEngineer is still recuperating from his op but we’ve been texting for ages and i can’t see it going anywhere now. MrMathematician wants to meet at the weekend so we’ll see if it happens xx

Thankyou @BoxOfCats
oh and your update in exciting! I’m new to this thread and haven’t got my read around everyone’s stories yet. How long have you been dating Mr Nomad?
it’s great you had the confidence to ask the question and seems to have worked out well!

In respect of the date worn Mr Beard it did go well. I do feel relaxed and good around him. It felt more natural than the previous dates. He had coffee for about 50 mins then walked for about 45 mins around the shopping arcade. I felt like we chatted really freely, we had some laughs. He didn’t hold my hand this time like he did at the weekend but he did give me a kiss at the end.
I am glad I went and currently I’d like to keep seeing him but I know if I feel his interest wain I’ll back out. I know if he does want to see me he can’t see me for at least a week now. I haven’t heard from him yet and he usually messages straight away so I’m holding out for a message 🤞🏻

@bluedabadeedabadoo Glad you had a good time at the date!

@BoxOfCats Awww very nice 😊 Remind us again, is it a permanent move or a temporary seasonal one?

My dating life is getting weirder and weirder. Remember when I said I was going to end it with Mr RFP and not bother with anyone else?

So I’ve not succeeded in ending it with Mr RFP now, although I did have the balls to put him on a the spot and ask what’s up with avoiding intimacy with me. But we were having such a nice convo I just couldn’t.

Mr HotIntern (I think it’s the appropriate nickname for the eager and attractive 25-yo at work, even though he isn’t an intern and in all fairness may be more like 30) is certainly going for it, he stops for a compliment and conversation everytime he sees me. It’s tempting as I thought he was very attractive from day 1. I’ve got to be an adult and… just keep walking next time he stops me to say I look pretty? It’s hard to behave when someone very attractive and nice is consistently flirting with you, isn’t it?

There’s also a couple of others… Who I also shouldn’t be flirting with, considering our social relationship. For example, my former boss.

I feel like I’m a little toxic. I don’t have serious intentions but can’t say no to the flirting. I always let the flirting go a little bit too far and that gives people I’m not interested in the impression that I might be interested. Perhaps I’m one of these people that likes the attention but not the follow-through?

Good luck! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Thankyou!! He text about 2 hours after the date just saying he hopes I feel more refreshed today. There was a couple of messages back and forth and then he went silent so about 30 mins later I told him I’d had a good evening and asked if he wanted to meet again and he immediately replied yes and suggested next Tuesday. I was really nervous about asking him but he suggested another date after the 1st and 2nd so I figured he might think he’s doing all the chasing and be waiting to see if I initiate the next date. I’d have preferred to see him sooner but I know he has his kids consistently between now and then.
I now just need to keep my anxiety in check between now and then 😬

@PinkNeonSign @BoxOfCats
not broached it with Mr Rodeo, yet, he not been as chatty .
but have been chatting to another, will call him Mr Kirk,
and we have arranged to meet up on Saturday, he another 40+ lol, I do seem to attract that age group .

Mr Intern sounds delicious. I say, don’t overthink it - just enjoy the attention! While keeping a safe distance of course.

Mr RFP - I’m cheering him on from the other side of the world to get his act together. It’s not sounding hopeful, but you never know. How soon is your trip to where Mr Volleyball lives?

Mr Nomad is moving temporarily to a lovely holiday destination. His family have a holiday home there, so his plan is to be there for the next few months (our summer) if not longer, in between travelling. He will be going skiing abroad for a few weeks at the end of January and likely some other trips as well. His seasonal work 2 hours from me won’t re-start until next September. Unfortunately I’m not in the sort of job that means I can just ditch work for a few months to join him.

Only just coming up two months, so not been long. That awkward stage where you’re not sure if you’re in a relationship or not! 😆 He has definitely seemed extremely keen and has treated me very much like we are in a relationship though. Calls me every day, and yesterday even offered to come and replace a rotten wood panel on my front porch that had come loose.

Glad to hear that date number 3 is on the cards for you! Sounds like it’s going well.

Loving all the action and updates on here! But girls help me - big dog is getting so so flirty - I do like him a lot but not enough to give up Mr Russian. Big dog has suggested meeting on Saturday I’ve said yes but I don’t know. Honestly I like both of them nearly equally though Mr Russian is a better bet for an actual relationship. I suppose I’m flattered by big dogs attention. I’ve said to him we are just friends but I think he’s enjoying teasing me or he enjoys the fact I might not be available - he’s a lot more keen now. How can I fancy 2 men at the same time it’s wrecking my head tbh . I should tell big dog no but I haven’t actually said no yet . Not very strongly anyway . I like them both. Big dog lives only about half an hour away . Whereas I won’t see Mr Russian for another 10 days or so due to me having stuff on this weekend. I have had zero attention all these years and to suddenly have 2 guys is so strange but nice too

aww that’s so nice. It will actually be date 4. Only been dating him for a week (will be 2 by the 4th date) and chatting for about 3 weeks.

Have you met both of these before?

@BoxOfCats I remember you saying he was asking about your availability for the next few months etc, what did you end up telling him? If it's summertime and it's a lovely holiday destination, surely you would enjoy that and get a bit of annual leave?

Oh, Mr RFP? Really, don't bother. We have such a weird dynamic. We're like best friends in a way, we talk really openly. And we find each other attractive, or at least I find him attractive. But there's a whole load of pieces missing in the puzzle. Had a nice dinner with him and his brother. But it also confirmed it really couldn't become anything, their family dynamics are so different to what I'm comfortable with.

Actually spoke to Mr Volleyball today. He sounds worn out and frustrated, and he wasn't even being particularly nice to me, we were talking about some work thing and he dropped a comment like 'well, if you could send these documents in an organised way, maybe we could move this forward'.

I'm just mentally tired at the moment tbh. Someone asked me out today and I actually told them 'I'm not dating, I'm just not doing it anymore, we can go out as friends as that's all we'll end up being'. I'm so tired of how easily guys give attention, and how hard it is for me to get what I'd like. It shouldn't be this hard. My inboxes on various platforms are full of messages from guys going 'hey, how's life, when can I see you again?'

Honestly, I just wanna throw my phone to the bottom of a lake and maybe hire a gigolo 😂

Hope these feelings make some sense?

@BoxOfCats go you and MrNomad.

@ElleintheWoods it's not toxic to enjoy flirting, so long as no one gets hurt 🙂

@Ceci693 Mr Russian has stolen your heart then?

I'm not feeling I have time for dating, or the patience. MrX booked a hotel room for Saturday night without asking. Mr SA is making up other women to make me jealous (I'm not). Mr Marine sulked because I didn't message him.

Boring boring boring!