I’d say it’s more complicated than that. He doesn’t hate women. In fact he does some volunteering where he empowers women and he’s very passionate about doing a good job at it, the service users and their personalities etc. He also has good female friends (in relationships) that he helps out and socialises with. In fact, the first night I met him, an unassuming looking girl came over and said ‘hey, just to let you know, he’s a really good guy’. At the time I was thinking ‘yeah right, he’s a player’ but she may have had a point.
I find that in general online discourse these days it seems okay to despise men. There’s so much generalisation of ‘men would sleep with you given half a chance’, ‘men are violent’, ‘men are sexual harassers’, ‘chivalry is dead’ etc. And on the flip side there’s ’women just want money and be provided for’, ‘modern women are not worth the effort’ etc. A lot of gender based hate and fear is stoked.
We’ve discussed it together and we think it’s very toxic, but it’s also hard to completely switch off from, as many people are wired into it now.
Actually I’d say both me and him have had a similar experience, and maybe we treat members of the opposite sex similarly.
To put it bluntly, we’re both good-looking people, him probably more than me. But we’ve also both had our lows and challenges, and know that superficial people don’t stick around for that.
I’m quite skeptical of any man that approaches me and their reasons. I dislike superficial men that want someone like me for status, or sexual gratification. Therefore I don’t let them closer and may toy them around a little bit until I am convinced that they’re actually around me for the right reasons. I also get a lot of ethnicity-based/ fetish attention.
He’s had the same as a man, women approaching him often because he’s young, fit, and presumably well off. Ethnicity-based fetish attention, too.
You kind of need to weed out people who are around you for the wrong reasons. Eg women that just want you for one night and don’t see the real person behind the facade. Or women that want to be a WAG. Unfortunately it’s not rare, you attract a lot of transactional women in that position. We’re both at an age where we are starting to get on a bit, losing our looks, wanting to stay in more than going out, and it’s important to be with ‘a real one’. The guy/ girl that wants you for a bit of instant gratification isn’t going to be there when you’re an old lady/ a man that barely walks.
In terms of ‘tests’, on our first date, he made super low effort in terms of spending any money. I moaned about it on here but I enjoyed his company, regardless of the ‘no spend, no plan’ situation.
I think we get on because initially we suspected the worst in each other. And slowly we’re both starting to see that under the superficial camouflage there’s actually a really lovely person.
I’ve not really had this experience before with someone like that, as I’ve stayed away from hot young high status man like the plague, knowing how easily they can discard women.
So starting to like him a bit and missing him feels scary.
Hope some of this makes sense.