Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you! Funnily enough, my ex of 10 years left me for another woman so you’d think I’d be the least trusting person after that. However I’m an optimist and I guess just believe that a relationship can’t exist without trust, so you just have to take a leap of faith if you want to be in one.

If only the clarity had extended to the rest of our time together!

The whole ‘if you don’t have sex by 3rd date then you’re friendzoning’ is ridiculous and puts far too much pressure on people to feel they should have sex before they’re ready.

I’ve seen posts on here saying if you don’t know by the third date then you’ll obviously never fancy them! Personally I’m a slow bur and need to get a connection before I feel anything more than a superficial attraction to someone and that’s not enough for me to sleep with them.

I must admit after nearly 18 months away from dating I’m tempted to have a look and see if there’s anyone new on the apps. I just never really got on with OLD - I find it really difficult to chat to strangers without losing interest very very quickly.

@BoxOfCats Oh I beg you now, please ask your mum! No filter sounds interesting haha.

Yeah I don't think Mr RFP is quite Mr Nomad, and you guys seem a lot more reltionship oriented, but he is actually behaving similarly. Holding hands, cuddling, calling daily. For a casual thing it's very nice.

Hmmm we could AI generate some photos of some likeness to them! (Elle, stop talking, this may catch on!)

It may sound really selfish of me but Mr RFP is just not the kind of man I should be getting seriously involved with though. He's still living that 20s lifestyle, pool parties, stag dos, Sundays with a hangover. He's also quite lost and I'd be very much his life vest. I can see how I can have a positive impact on him, as I'm in a good place and would counteract his destructive tendencies, however there's a pretty big chance I'd get severaly burnt in the process.

In general I'd say dating is a big ask for women our age. A ot of the time we have happy, balanced lives, we're comfortable, we have the next 20 years covered etc. It's a big ask to let a man into it fully, with their mood swings, random 180 turns, insecurities, and all the actions they take off the back of that. I've heard of, and seen, men do so many crazy, random things all the way to their 60s and 70s, that I'm more comfortable being alone with someone at arm's length. I sound like I want to date Buddha, haha. Is he single, by the way?

@TwistedWonder It's common for me to go on 5 dates with someone and not even kiss.

Why don't you try some alternatives to OLD? Personally I think it's dying out a bit and based on my own experience people are more than game to meet IRL. Do you get out and about much? Not even nights out, just basic daily chores, hobbies etc?

Like you, I'd only kiss someone I genuinely want to kiss and can't keep their hands off. Having said that, I WANTED to kiss Mr RFP on first date. I didn't, and actually took us 4 dates to kiss, but I wanted to, which I take as a very good sign.

Usually they try to kiss me way before I'm ready. It's only ever worked out well if I'm going in my head 'I wish that guy would make a move'. Those, the ones that take it slow but in my head I know I want them, are the ones that have a real chance to build something lasting.

I may go along if someone tries to kiss me etc fast, but usually I end up dropping them quite quickly as I'm just 'being polite' and not really interested.

I’ve got a very active social life, a very wide circle and I’m always on nights out but in 6 years single I’ve only really chatted to 3 men in the wild that have vaguely interested me. Of those one turned creepy and sexual almost immediately, the second bombarded me with so many messages and calls within first 24 hours i had to block him and the 3rd turned out to be 10 years older than he claimed.

I have loads of male friends but they’re friends nothing more. I’m nearly 60 and honestly there’s very few men out there to meet. I’m not interested in younger
I work 3 days a week at home and when I’m in office there’s no single men my age and I’m not the sort of person to strike up conversation with a stranger in passing. I seem to have a ‘don’t even think about it’ face too which doesn’t help

Tbh I’m absolutely happy single and I would never ever cohabit again. So if I don’t meet someone, I’m fine with that.

Oh @Ceci693 that sounds rubbish. I had a weird date last night too of it makes you feel
any better. It was quite a quick meet having only matched last week but I don’t get loads of child free time, so we just went for it and met for a drink. Chat was good/fun, left to walk back to our cars, had a cheeky snog which was nice. He wasn’t setting me on fire but I would have liked to have seen him again to see if anything developed. We got home and started texting, I think he was trying to take it down a sexy route and I didn’t realise so didn’t respond in that way (although I find it pretty cringe anyway) and he got a bit stroppy about our childcare arrangements not aligning - I can’t help that can I?!

MrElusive is back, lots of texting about shared interest and flirting. Still hasn’t arranged a time to see me though x

Hello! I'm new to this thread, hoping to find a bit of solidarity (and motivation) as I jump back into the hell of OLD.

I've been single (minus a few short term things) for about 5 years now. Happy on my own but would love to have someone for dates/holidays and interesting conversation. Open to casual or long term.

I've got two men I'm talking to on the apps and hoping to get a date booked in with one for this weekend!

Mr Engineer is quite a bit older than me (17 year age gap). Technically outside of my age parameters but physically very much my type. Seems interesting and respectful and we have a lot of similarities. Two older teenage kids which makes me a bit anxious to be honest!

Mr Casual is closer to my age, less my physical type but very funny and we have good banter. I get the impression he's only looking for something casual (hence the name). I'm open to that but I would need the chemistry to be there and won't know until we've met.

Been talking to both for about a week with daily messages. Next step is a date but I have a tricky shift pattern which makes scheduling it in a bit difficult!

Girls I need your help. So am back talking to Latvian again after hotel debacle last week. He seems genuine and it seems like it was a misunderstanding. So we meeting on Friday - halfway - and no expectations to stay over/ he’s being very sweet and romantic and I do still like him. But then … this morning big dog said would I meet him with a view to a shag 🙈sounds a bit crude out of context but he knows I’ve not been having much luck with dates. Am tempted tbh. Is that cheating if I meet Latvian on Friday and we snog - but then meet big dog. If big dog had asked me sooner it might be easier I don’t know. For big dog I feel he knows I’m dating but the Latvian would be upset if I meet another guy. Am torn . Like the Latvian in that he’s very sweet and romantic. But there is the insistence to consider and the language barrier. Big dog not too far away and we have amazing banter and I laugh all the time with him on the phone. I’m not sure what to do. Maybe I’ll just met Latvian and then get back to big dog. Help- never thought I’d be in this position. Lol

*distance to consider - not insistence 😆

I feel like I’m coming out of my shell at last - I only really dated my ex husband in my 20s- well a couple of short term things - but mostly just him . It’s like I have options now that I didn’t in my 20s!!!!

@Ceci693 I don't think it's cheating if no one is official.

@Kaltenzahn welcome 🙂

MrX is being a dick again. Who knew?!

Mr SA sat though and Mr Marine sun.

If you can protect your heart and body (safe sex) with Mr Big Dog- then go for it @Ceci693- I love the idea of a FWB but the only men who seem to offer the potential for it are complete twats!

@Ceci693 I think big dog sounds like he has better potential than the other guy!

I’m in a mess. MrElusive was quite chatty/flirty yesterday, now I can’t get excited about any of the others cause I just want to go out with him 🙄

Just go out with him?

Hey everyone, I now have a bit of a dilemma
Mr fridge has now got back in touch
wanted to meet up again, was to be this evening
now he literally on 5 mins away in his car, wanted me to meet in a car park, not far from me….how would you react to this ??

Hey everyone, I now have a bit of a dilemma
Mr fridge has now got back in touch
wanted to meet up again, was to be this evening
now he literally on 5 mins away in his car, wanted me to meet in a car park, not far from me….how would you react to this ??

well I did told him , we were adults and not teenagers lol
and would like our first meeting somewhere neutral and public
so he has now came back with coffee date , on Wednesday evening as he knows I am working till 6pm

That’s the thing @Nosdacariad i just don’t know where I am with him. He was my first OLD about 2 months ago, chemistry was hot and we met another couple of times, slept together and I thought all was well. I asked did he want to meet up the next week and he declined, for genuine reasons and I’ve not seen him since. Yet now he’s been texting/flirting but not asking me out and I don’t want to ask him again in case he turns me down (again) x

Run for the hills

Ah. Maybe match his effort then,

Yeah @Nosdacariad I feel like I’ve said enough. I’ve let him know I like him without sending any paragraphs and it’s over to him now. It’s just he’s cramping my style, there are two men I could go out with this week, but I can’t get excited about either of them
cause I just want to go out with him. I think this is a failing in me though, I only ever want what I can’t have. I was like this over a bloke in my late teens/early twenties and missed out on what might have been some brilliant relationships because I only wanted him. Will I ever learn! x

@librauk absolutely no to meeting in a dark car park! I'd be thinking he's either inviting you dogging or you'll end up in the boot of his car. Very best case scenario it's just a terrible low effort "date". Either way I'd find it a big red flag!

@PinkNeonSignyes just hold your nerve - let him arrange something - or not.

@libraukdefinitely no way to the car park

I’m feeling bad about MR Russian. He is calling me his girlfriend and is so keen on me. Big dog rang me tonight and said don’t meet mr Russian just meet me instead. But I feel loyal to Mr Russian he is so sweet to me. And i don’t even know what big dog wants - seems like just a shag ? Oh dear feel like I don’t know what to do. Big dog had his chance … I like him a lot though . I can’t let Mr Russian down tho. He will be so hurt as I have been matxhing his interest and I do really really fancy him. Am feeling very conflicted

Lol at a dogging date 😂😂

I would see it as a red flag that Mr Russian is already calling you his girlfriend when you’ve not even met in person yet. He’s coming across as a bit lovebomby. And don’t worry about letting people down - the whole point of day8ng is to try people on for size and see how it feels. Until you’ve actually made some sort of commitment to see one another exclusively or be in a relationship you don’t owe him anything.