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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

1000 replies

ElleintheWoods · 21/10/2025 20:20

The Rules:

  • The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
  • Develop a thick skin
  • Do not invest emotionally too soon
  • It's all BS until it actually happens
  • Trust your gut instinct
  • People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
  • Know your wortH
  • If it's not fun, stop
  • Loo update is mandatory
  • No dating the thread
  • Treat others as you'd like to be treated
  • Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
  • The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
  • OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

OP posts:
Kat888 · 06/11/2025 17:33

I love it. Enjoy all the attention. I bet you are stunning.

Ceci693 · 06/11/2025 22:46

Oh girls I need your advice - help!!! So date with mr Russian is arranged for Saturday. It’s 2 hours away for both of us, well a bit less from my side. So he was messaging me tonight and I was saying what time on sat and he said he really wanted to have a nice time with me and a glass of wine but didn’t ever drink and drive - i had a suspicion where this was going - so he announces he has booked a hotel. He said no pressure and is being very sweet about it. Initially I was very uncomfortable - it just seems too intimate for a first date?? I don’t know him … and sharing a bedroom seems way too soon. I said I was definitely not having sex with him on Saturday / I couldn’t - I said to him no misunderstadings so he said he is not brutal - again a language thing - I’ve said I will think about it. He said we can meet and walk around for a bit then go for a meal and wine and then stay over. I will have to leave at 7am to get back for my son’s match. Wwyd. I’m not sure . He seems lovely and very sweet and kind but … it is the first time we are meeting in real life - then again we are both traveling so want to spend some time together . I need your advice. I’m also worried that with a glass of wine I might end up sleeping with him and I really don’t want to as I always regret sleeping with them too soon - too soon for me I mean

PinkNeonSign · 06/11/2025 23:04

How were you going to get there @Ceci693 were you going to drive? If so can’t you just do that anyway then you have the option?

NervesOfCotton · 06/11/2025 23:05

Ceci693 Personally I wouldn't risk it but go with your gut. I tend to just stop responding if a man mentions wanting to stay in a hotel before we've even met.

Just a thought but you don't have to have wine, he can of course if he wants to but you can travel back like you planned.

It's a long way to travel each time if you are hoping to form a relationship though.

Ceci693 · 06/11/2025 23:42

Yes I’ve thought about it and am going to tell him no I’m not staying over. It’s too pushy. Too much. I did feel uncomfortable but the way he was saying it made me waiver . But I never met him and anyway I want to come home . If he doesn’t accept that I just won’t meet him . I feel it’s a bit spoiled now anyway as I feel weird about meeting him now

BoxOfCats · 06/11/2025 23:48

@Ceci693 If he’s already making you uncomfortable then go with your gut, and tell him the meet is off. You don’t owe him anything. Just say you don’t think it’s feeling like you’re on the same page so best you don’t go ahead.

If you do think you still want to meet then I think you can just be clear on your boundaries and say that’s great he’s getting a hotel, but you’re not planning to drink and will be travelling back home at the end of the evening.

IAmaFaithful25 · 07/11/2025 05:48

Oh @Ceci693
I totally understand why that has made you feel funny. Given my experiences of meeting people and there being zero chemistry in real life I can only encourage you to hold your boundaries. If he is a good decent man, he will understand. The good men I know in my life would know that that's a big ask for a first date for someone you have never met.
I hope you can still go and I hope it goes well. But you are not unreasonable for feeling its too much. At all.

librauk · 07/11/2025 13:01

Well coffee date, did not happen with Mr Fridge, busy with work, which may be partly true, as he runs his own company.
But I am more swaying too, that he is like a kid in a sweet shop, new to the app, he will be a getting a lot of attention.
he did ask what plans I had for the weekend?

but when we first talked about meeting up, he said he could not do the weekend , I’m working in the pm’s .will see what he comes back with, but I’m not holding my breath lol , another one bites the dust 🤣🤣

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 13:37

So I told him early this morning I didn’t want to stay over. I gave him options. I said I would leave early in the morning and he could get home before dark. I said once I met him once we could think about staying over another time. I said I would stay late and drive home. He’s making it into a big drama and having a bit of a hissy fit saying I don’t trust him. So I’m leaving him alone . Not sure if he will come around or will cancel tomorrow. If he cancels altogether I think that’s it for me. I said I need to see him at least once before even thinking about staying over. But he’s taken it very personally and is saying he feels stupid and he was naieve to think I liked him etc etc . Drama queen . So yeh prob another one bites the dust. Can’t help but be disappointed. You can’t believe their words they lie all the time. It’s only actions you can beleive . It’s so true. So another guy another disappointment . I honestly didn’t think it would be this hard to go on a few dates . Can’t even get to the actual date stage am a bit down but hey ho

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 13:38

There’s still big dog 😄he’s still sniffing around 🤣🤣🤣🤣

librauk · 07/11/2025 14:21

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 13:38

There’s still big dog 😄he’s still sniffing around 🤣🤣🤣🤣

That a girl 🤣🤣🤣

librauk · 07/11/2025 14:41

@Ceci693
seriously though, it’s the pits, but we have all been there
but go back to the start of this thread
re read the rules , keep em in mind 😊
Online dating is tough .

Kat888 · 07/11/2025 14:47

The fact he has made a big drama about it is a massive red flag I hope you see this. As for the not trusting him of course you don't as you don't know him and that's normal.

He looks like he only wants to get his leg over and tbh i'd be running for the hills.

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 15:45

yeh he is being very silly. Anyway have been sad for a little but just matched with a guy earlier today and was honest and said I did have a date for tmw but it’s cancelled and he said do you wanna go out with me ??!!!!! Yay I’m happy now lol. He seems fun he looks ok - hopefully no drama. Honestly I would like to go out for a drink and have a laugh that’s all I want. He seems to up for it so happy days. Thank you girls xxxxx this group is great

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 15:47

Yeh Russian guy was getting very manipulative making me feel bad cos I won’t stay the night when I never even met him - I do see that - he said he is new to dating - he has a lot to learn for sure

KittyCorncrake · 07/11/2025 16:09

Far too much drama! If is like this just arranging a date imagine what he would be like if it developed into a relationship.

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 16:12

Yeh I think he’s falling into all the first time dater traps - he fell for me way too fast and thought we were in a relationship before we even met . I feel a bit sorry for him but he needs to cop on . Have no patience for him now. Think I’m over him 🤣

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 16:13

He’s lucky with me really I am nice 🤣anyway he will learn - or will stay single - where he lives is quite remote so if he won’t drive in the dark he has a big problem 🤣🤣🤣

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 16:15

He will have to wait til summer now I reckon. I mane I don’t know a woman who would stay the night without meeting first - I suppose he might find someone who knows or who cares right

BoxOfCats · 07/11/2025 16:36

@Ceci693 Sounds like you dodged a bullet. The hissy fit over you not wanting to stay over with someone you’ve never met is just ridiculous. Glad to hear you’re moving on already though!

BoxOfCats · 07/11/2025 17:01

Well, Mr Nomad dropped a bit of a bombshell last night.

Apparently earlier in the year he was seeing someone casually, who lives on the other side of the world - she was over here in NZ travelling. And two months before Mr Nomad and I met (we met 7 weeks ago), they agreed that she would fly back and stay with him for a week or two in early January. He said he wanted to come clean with me, and that he was basically in a real dilemma about it because it’s a long expensive trip for her, plus peak holiday season at this place in January, so it will be very expensive for her to find alternative accommodation even at this point. He also said he’s no longer interested in seeing her as he really likes me. He said he’d thought about offering her the spare room to stay in and would not sleep with her, but he can see why that wouldn’t be ok for me.

He and I still haven’t had any conversations on whether we are actually in a relationship with one another, or what will happen in mid December when he moves down to live in <holiday destination>. In fact, as it’s 5 hours away from where I live, I would be none the wiser if she visited him or not. He could have said nothing, and I’d never know.

So I’m a bit unsure why he’s chosen to tell me this (and why now) other than that it’s been weighing on his conscience, as we were talking about honesty right before it came up. And I probably need to ask some more questions about the situation to really decide how I feel about it all. I didn’t really say too much other than that he needs to figure out for himself what he thinks the right thing to do is. I’m not comfortable of the idea of this woman staying with him, but then I’d also not been really allowing myself to think beyond mid December when he moves, so this has probably raised a big question of where this is all going.

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 17:35

Oh @boxofcatsthat is tricky and yes very confusing tbh. I would say he probably needs to sort himself out. I mean I’m presuming you don’t want an “open” relationship . But 5 hours is a long drive unless you’re both committed . So it might be make or break time? Dating is so hard isn’t it. All these obstacles it’s a miracle anyone finds anyone really

BoxOfCats · 07/11/2025 17:38

@Ceci693 I’m definitely not up for an open relationship which he knows, and I’m not comfortable with the idea of this woman being there. And yes he does need to sort himself out. I think he has told me about it because he has realised it’s getting a bit serious now, make or break time to your point. Sigh.

ElleintheWoods · 07/11/2025 17:59

BoxOfCats · 06/11/2025 07:27

I’m fairly career-oriented myself, but I also appreciate work life balance, and do want a partner who can actually spend time with me yes. To be fair to Mr C, he was always very present and attentive on our dates, just not very good at communicating in between.

Haha well I did wonder if actually there was a connection building but you said he’s not a viable option 😂 Perhaps you should just roll with it for a bit longer and see where it goes?

Yes I'm the same. Hence I want the person I'm dating to be a little more available. Selfish, I know. But I would like to be able to text 'babe, it's been a day, want to get together?'

There is a connection building. And it scares me a bit as I crave him. At the end of a tough day I want nothing more than cuddling with him for hours. But he 100% isn't the one.

OP posts:
ElleintheWoods · 07/11/2025 18:05

Ceci693 · 07/11/2025 15:47

Yeh Russian guy was getting very manipulative making me feel bad cos I won’t stay the night when I never even met him - I do see that - he said he is new to dating - he has a lot to learn for sure

Agree with @Kat888 he is trying to guilt trip you into things. Lucky escape. Be careful out there.

OP posts:
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