33+3 weeks pregnant, high risk and my husband has just left me

[SugarPlumBiscuits]

I am 33+3 weeks pregnant. I'm currently in hospital as my waters went at 32+1 weeks. I stood up to make some tea and I was suddenly soaked, and I convinced my husband to take me into triage as something felt off. I was admitted and I am being monitored daily. Currently baby boy is showing no signs of distress, and there aren't any signs of infection so they're hopeful we can make it to 35 weeks.

My husband has been working still, and coming to visit me in the mornings and evenings. He hasn't been overly happy about it, but he's been coming. In terms of day time my mum, sisters and friends have been taking it in turns to come and see me, and last weekend my mum brought a nice lunch for us to have together.

Last night my husband came and was pretty angry, he was saying he didn't have time for this anymore and he was saying he couldn't keep doing this.

Then out of nowhere he said he'd be packing his things and leaving the house. He told me he wouldn't be there any didn't want to hear when the baby came, because he didn't care. I feel completely blindsided, things were great before I went into hospital and we were really looking forward to our baby boy's arrival.

I have no idea what to do now. I can't face getting a lawyer, and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because I will just break down and disturb the other women on the ward.

Just posting to vent really, as I feel so alone and broken

My sister has just got here, she’s speaking with the head midwife and NICU to try and explain why I need someone with me. They’ve said while I’m going down to NICU I can only have paracetamol and ibuprofen and I’m in a lot of pain so that’s going to be hellish. I think the plan is if my sister does end up having to leave, I’ll stay on NICU with him until my mum comes later this evening and she’ll bring me back to the ward and stay with me till 8, and then it’s looking like I’ll be discharged tomorrow morning. They’ve said they need my bed so if I can walk and pee, im able to go home

@SugarPlumBiscuits Is this your 1st baby OP? I've been watching since you first posted yesterday and don't remember you mentioning other children. If it is, they really shouldn't be kicking you out a few hours after a c-section, especially considering what happened just before re your BH (bastard Husband) Someone has to advocate for you lovely x

OP - huge congratulations on the arrival of your little one. It’s no wonder you feel sad - you’ve been through a horribly difficult time. Your family sounds very supportive. Once you’re able to go home, do let them pamper you and your baby when he’s also able to go home.

Be as gentle as possible with yourself. I think you will need some trauma therapy soon but the flipside is that I suspect that once you’ve had your baby home for a while and the dust has settled, things will start to get a lot better.

Thinking of you, OP.

Birth partner doesn’t usually have to mean your actual partner/DH, I’ve had friends who had their mum as their birth partner and they were able to stay the same hours as other mums husbands & partners. You are not in an emotional or physical condition to have to fight this argument so could you maybe ask your mum or dad or sister to speak to the midwives and clearly explain the situation and see what can be done? It is unfair for you to have to shoulder this on top of everything else.

Yes, he’s my first baby, they’ve said they understand I’m in a difficult position but because I’ll be going to my parents’ and because everything seems okay so far in terms of my incision, they have to follow their policy of 24 hours 😔

OP I’m sorry to keep commenting on your thread but please listen to me that if you want to stay more than 24 hours you absolutely can. I was kicked out on the same day with DC1 and once DC2 came around (I had a c-section) I made sure to tell them I was not mentally ready to go home once the 24 hours were up. You have been through SO much, if you feel you need another night in hospital you absolutely can have this. Yes there may be a policy if “all is well” but that includes mental health along with physical health too. Do not be afraid to tell them you are not mentally ready to leave if you are not.

Bloody hell op that’s a bit brutal. I’m so sorry. I hope your little boy is ok. Normally they expect you to have had a poo as well because c section can temp stop the bowels (I think?) at least that’s what I was told the last time I had a section (17 years ago). I hope you get something for the pain and that your parents and sister look after you. Sending hugs

Thats shocked me OP, I'm so sorry. Thank goodness you've got family support though, try to cling on to that thought.
Do update us on how your beautiful bubba's doing when you've seen him xx

Congratulations on your son OP xx
You’ve been through and are continuing to go through a terrible ordeal, I’d be utterly ashamed if your partner was my son. I physically want to shake some sense into him.
See how you feel tomorrow morning, another night on that post natal ward might see you desperate to get away from that particular chaos. Wishing you strength and love xxx

Congratulations to you op. I’m sorry it’s turned out this way once you can hold him this will help it will all be worth it in the end. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I can’t believe they want to send you home 24hrs after a c section, that’s appalling. It’s major abdominal surgery ffs. If you’re not ready insist on staying. Say you haven’t had a wee/ poo whatever. Why are women treated so dreadfully by the NHS?

Stay in the hospital, you need this time to bond.
And do not take your DH (disgusting husband) back, as he left you when you and your baby needed him the most, that can never be forgotten let alone forgiven.

I’m back on the ward now, he’s absolutely beautiful. He’s on some support for his breathing at the moment but I can’t get over the fact he’s mine, he’s absolutely gorgeous

they’re now planning on sending me home tonight. I’ve met all the criteria for discharge and they’re saying they can’t justify me keeping a bed when I’m fit and they could use it for someone else. They’ve said because my baby is in NICU they don’t need to keep an eye on him.

im really angry, but i dont have the energy to kick up a fuss. My sister has gone to get me a late lunch and then my mum will come and take me home tonight if they decide thats the way they’re going

Sorry op. They’re bastards for chucking you out these days. It’s awful 😢

Yes, do as @MummyJ36 advises if you’re not ready to leave. Although you may prefer to go to your parent’s house as you’ll be more comfortable there.

Congratulations on your beautiful boy, focus entirely on him and your own recovery. 💐
Can you believe that you’re a Mum now?!

Congratulations! So pleased to hear your lovely boy is doing well. It must have been so good to see him.
Please ask them to record in your notes that they are discharging you because they want the bed but you do not wish to be discharged home [and give any reasons].
It might seem petty but they hate having to write that in your notes and if you don't ask them they'll just record that you're safe for discharged.

My SIL did this with her second DD. Midwife was writing up discharge paperwork, SIL didn't want to leave as baby wasn't feeding well. MW was saying you'll get the hang of it at home and you can't stay here just to feed. SIL said to MW "please write on my paperwork that I don't want to leave because I'm concerned about feeding but the hospital is insistent on discharging me" and MW said "well I can't record that and then send you home" (!!!) so they kept her in another night and supported her with feeding! Might be worth a try.

because everything seems okay so far in terms of my incision, they have to follow their policy of 24 hours 😔

Bloody hell that's harsh.

I hope you find a way round that.

If you have to leave him there, be prepared for that to be like hitting a wall.

My first was prem & I was able to stay in 10days.

I made it to the car park & more or less collapsed.

I think it hadn't really sunk in & I was on auto pilot spending the day in Nicu apart from popping to the ward for meals.

It's a wrench like you cannot believe & someone will probably be stupid enough to tell you to make the most of the chance of sleeping through the night🙄

I stayed in 48 hours after my emergency C-section and my son wasn't in the NICU. That's hard, especially as you'll have to leave your son in hospital (I assumed it's just you being discharged). Sending you big hugs ❤️

Is there no accommodation on site for parents with babies in NICU? When mine was prem they managed to find a student/on call room that I could stay in for a couple of nights until there was space on SCBU for me.

I’m going to ask about this. They’re lapsing with my consultant but it’s looking like, due to beds being in short demand I’m going to be sent home tonight. It feels so sudden, I understand they’re under a lot of pressure but they’ve not really tried to see if I can stay at all. The thought of leaving him at the hospital while I go home breaks my heart. My husband hasn’t answered any messages about him either, so my head is a mess.

Hey OP

Congratulations on your baby boy xx

I've had 3 c sections.
First and third I was in 48 hrs. Second I was home 24 hrs like you (it was christmas eve!).
Please take time to recover. It is major surgery.
I couldn't get out of bed for a few days without help. I thought I'd burst my stitches.

I had a c-section many years ago, kept in for 10 days! 24 hours?!!!!

@SugarPlumBiscuits Honestly, for your own sanity, I wouldn’t text your husband again. He’s shown his true colours and he’s not there for you and his son.

Your parents and sister are your real support system. It’s really hard, but he isn’t the man you thought he was and doesn’t deserve your attention.

Bloody hell they are treating you really poorly OP. It is not your problem or your fault that there is a lack of beds. You have had major surgery, have a baby in the NICU and are dealing with immense emotional upheaval. As I mentioned earlier up the thread, even if they insist that you are physically ok you need someone from your family to make it clear you are not emotionally ok to go home right now.

We’ve tried but they’ve insisted that any mental health concerns I have can be managed in the community and they need my bed, because if they don’t free up beds they’ll have to divert to other hospitals. I’ve asked them to put it in my notes and they’ve said they will, but that I need to go because I’m not medically unwell anymore