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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

33+3 weeks pregnant, high risk and my husband has just left me

231 replies

SugarPlumBiscuits · 18/10/2025 16:47

I am 33+3 weeks pregnant. I'm currently in hospital as my waters went at 32+1 weeks. I stood up to make some tea and I was suddenly soaked, and I convinced my husband to take me into triage as something felt off. I was admitted and I am being monitored daily. Currently baby boy is showing no signs of distress, and there aren't any signs of infection so they're hopeful we can make it to 35 weeks.

My husband has been working still, and coming to visit me in the mornings and evenings. He hasn't been overly happy about it, but he's been coming. In terms of day time my mum, sisters and friends have been taking it in turns to come and see me, and last weekend my mum brought a nice lunch for us to have together.

Last night my husband came and was pretty angry, he was saying he didn't have time for this anymore and he was saying he couldn't keep doing this.

Then out of nowhere he said he'd be packing his things and leaving the house. He told me he wouldn't be there any didn't want to hear when the baby came, because he didn't care. I feel completely blindsided, things were great before I went into hospital and we were really looking forward to our baby boy's arrival.

I have no idea what to do now. I can't face getting a lawyer, and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because I will just break down and disturb the other women on the ward.

Just posting to vent really, as I feel so alone and broken

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 18/10/2025 20:36

Goodness me, what a mess he has left you in!
Sending strength.
Just make sure someone puts on your notes that your mum is your next of kin (if thats who you want making decisions in a situation you can't).
Just take it one day, well one hour, at a time OP.
Sounds like you have a lovely family to support you.

RealEagle · 18/10/2025 20:37

❤️

TicTac80 · 18/10/2025 20:38

Wishing you all the very best OP, and a smooth safe delivery. You’ve got this. My son’s dad dumped us when I was pregnant (high risk pregnancy too). He was absolutely vile to us and wouldn’t have anything to do with us until my son was 3. My boy is 19 now and a wonderful boy. He knows who has always been there for him from the beginning (me).

Focus on yourself and draw on your friends and family’s support. Let them help you. Don’t trust your ex. He’s shown you who he is. X

MummyJ36 · 18/10/2025 20:43

Wishing you all the best. This is truly disgusting behaviour from a grown man. I’m so sorry. Please ask your family to shield you from him after the birth because this man will bring nothing but pain to your life.

HoppityBun · 18/10/2025 20:44

I’m thinking of you and of your baby boy, OP. Very best wishes to you both.

May I suggest that you get your mother/sister to inform your husband’s family now what is going on because it is important that they know in real time what a shit he is being and what a hard time you are havin, to provide no possible way for them to backtrack later and make excuses for him or say that they didn’t know.

There will always be your child’s extended family and you need them on the side.

nunsflipflop · 18/10/2025 20:47

Wishing you and your son a safe and healthy delivery. The rest can be dealt with another time x

TheChosenTwo · 18/10/2025 20:48

Op best of luck, your gorgeous boy sounds like he’s on his way, maybe he knows you need a lovely focus 💙
So sorry to hear about your dh, so incredibly cruel of him to choose this time to do it.
You sound like you have an incredible family, lean on them and let them support you during the coming months.
I have no doubt it will be hard but finding out now what a mean man he is will be easier in the long run, your son will have you as his number 1 forever.

Moonlightdust · 18/10/2025 20:51

Why are so many men attention seeking PIGS.

Zanatdy · 18/10/2025 20:51

What an absolute arse. You have a lovely family, they will look after you. Best of luck

Purplebunnie · 18/10/2025 20:52

Love and hugs to you and your baby

What a wonderful family you have hugs for them as well

Pinkypleasepurple · 18/10/2025 20:52

StrawberryJangle · 18/10/2025 17:03

I split with my ex when baby was 3 weeks old.

You don't think you can do it, but you can, and you will.

Rely on your family, take every helping offered. Don't be alone too much.

Your husband has shown you how cruel and nasty he can be, whilst you and his child, are at your most vulnerable.
Never forget that cruelty!

Do NOT register him on the birth certificate. He'll be after his rights when it suits him. Do not name him.

I'm so sorry darling. There's no easy way through.
My daughter is now doing her Alevels!

You will cope, even when you are falling apart.

Do not name him! Great advice

hugs to you xxx

Itdoesntmatteranyway · 18/10/2025 20:56

Wishing you love. It will get better

CautiousOptimist · 18/10/2025 20:57

God I’m so sorry OP, what a cruel prick. Do not forgive him if he comes crawling back begging forgiveness because he couldn’t deal with the situation. He’s shown his colours.
You can do this. Accept any family, friend and professional support offered.

CantBreathe90 · 18/10/2025 20:58

So sorry OP.

If it helps, you will love your little boy more than you could have ever loved your husband. He will bring you so, so much more joy and fun and love. You are about to embark on something amazing, enjoyable and rewarding, whether or not your dickhead husband is about. Obviously from a practical point of view it will be a challenge, but people do manage it all the time xx

Inmyhouse · 18/10/2025 20:58

Wishing you all the best and congrats on your baby, no feeling like it in the world.

I spilt with my ex 2 years ago, mainly due to his drinking, he moved on very quickly, spilt with her and found another within weeks, moved in with her shortly later. My son and I were completely f'ed over. I didn't think I could do this on my own, but here I am doing it and you can too.
Yes, sharing your child is horrible but there's times I wish I had spilt earlier then we did as I would have saved myself (and my son) so much heartache and crap from him.
He's showing you who he is, believe him. Get CMS in play now, from past experience they can be incredibly slow.

Adooree · 18/10/2025 20:59

He sounds like the type of man-child that would have left even if you'd had the perfect pregnancy , gone full term and had a quick labour .
It would have gone all wrong once you were back home and focusing on your babys needs and not at his beck and call .
Sadly , you are well rid . Morn him for a bit , then realise he's done you a favour by showing you his true colours .

Christwosheds · 18/10/2025 21:00

I’m so sorry OP, how bloody awful for you. If it helps at all I was born at 33 weeks, and I was in an incubator for 6 weeks (it was the 60s) but otherwise fine.

Chick981 · 18/10/2025 21:00

Sending you so much love OP. What a shit situation to have found yourself in. But I reckon that little boy is very lucky to have you as a mum, and your mum as a grandma. Lean on your family as much as you need to and enjoy every single newborn snuggle, don’t give your exH a second more thought time than you have to during this precious time. I hope the birth goes ok and that little man doesn’t require too much NICU/SCBU time after.

HK04 · 18/10/2025 21:02

OP couldn’t think of a more lousy and dangerously selfish thing for him to do when you are at your most vulnerable. Heart goes out to you and wee one. 💙 It’ll be a total head fxxk. You can’t just stop loving someone overnight so might feel drawn to him like a magnet. That will fade over time. You might pine for his love, support and approval but when you feel strong enough try and think with your head. Not be at all easy but you will get through. Anyone who loves you would not do this. At the moment just concentrate on getting wee one here safe. Don’t think about birthdays/Christmas in years to come. Stabilising the situation (getting as much support & TLC as you can) most important short term. Does sound like he possibly has a new woman, so also don’t beg or let yourself down. Let the pr*ck go if that’s what he wants. Just make sure he pays CMS. You’ll be getting something precious in your DS. 💯 his loss. What a terrible thing to do and unforgivable imho.

Pessismistic · 18/10/2025 21:03

Aww op what a horrible selfish man I hope the birth goes well he’s probably with someone else but right now baby is more important than him and I would take him at his word don’t let him know when he’s born you choose the name and definitely don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Then you go home enjoy baby then start the ball rolling for divorce but don’t agree to any custody and if he changes his mind say no you don’t get to change your mind you made your bed lie in it. Don’t faff around with 2 homes he doesn’t deserve this after dropping a bombshell like this. He really is a twat.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 18/10/2025 21:04

No advice, although I think the PP upthread who said to get your mum to tell his family was on the right track.

But mainly lots of love and support to you OP, I am so sorry you found out what an arse he is this way. Just like a lot of domestic abuse starts in pregnancy, a lot of men show their true colours. I guess it is when women are so vulnerable. I am so glad you have family to support you. You will find reserves of strength you did not know you had. But I wish you did not have to.

Nextweektoo · 18/10/2025 21:06

Your family sound wonderful OP. Sending you 💐

BigBoots67 · 18/10/2025 21:07

OP I’m sorry you are going through this, at such a time.

when I had my baby, I had a similar situation which landed me in very premature labour and a 3 month stay. There are absolutely no words for that kind of scum.

I’ll tell you this much - you will totally get through this and one day you will look back gladly knowing you got to have precious early moments with your little boy that your husband can never turn back the time for. You will be solid as fuck, you can do this

prh47bridge · 18/10/2025 21:11

StrawberryJangle · 18/10/2025 17:09

That would be odd. Parental Responsibility via a marriage certicate.
It might not even be his child. (I'm not saying that).

But you're wrong.

OP needs to concentrate on herself. Not the legal shite.

Show quote history

@GreenFrogYellow is correct. OP's husband automatically gets PR regardless of whether he is named on the birth certificate. Children Act 1989 Section 2.

Kibble19 · 18/10/2025 21:13

Bloody hell. I’m not easily shocked but what this excuse of a man has done is unforgivable.

Who cares if he’s depressed, tired, overwhelmed or anything else? This is unforgivable. You can bet that the stress of this is why your baby is coming early. I’m genuinely shocked that someone would behave as he has done.

Good luck, OP. Hope the bub is here safe and sound soon!