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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

33+3 weeks pregnant, high risk and my husband has just left me

231 replies

SugarPlumBiscuits · 18/10/2025 16:47

I am 33+3 weeks pregnant. I'm currently in hospital as my waters went at 32+1 weeks. I stood up to make some tea and I was suddenly soaked, and I convinced my husband to take me into triage as something felt off. I was admitted and I am being monitored daily. Currently baby boy is showing no signs of distress, and there aren't any signs of infection so they're hopeful we can make it to 35 weeks.

My husband has been working still, and coming to visit me in the mornings and evenings. He hasn't been overly happy about it, but he's been coming. In terms of day time my mum, sisters and friends have been taking it in turns to come and see me, and last weekend my mum brought a nice lunch for us to have together.

Last night my husband came and was pretty angry, he was saying he didn't have time for this anymore and he was saying he couldn't keep doing this.

Then out of nowhere he said he'd be packing his things and leaving the house. He told me he wouldn't be there any didn't want to hear when the baby came, because he didn't care. I feel completely blindsided, things were great before I went into hospital and we were really looking forward to our baby boy's arrival.

I have no idea what to do now. I can't face getting a lawyer, and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone because I will just break down and disturb the other women on the ward.

Just posting to vent really, as I feel so alone and broken

OP posts:
Endofyear · 18/10/2025 17:48

I'm so sorry OP what an absolutely awful thing for him to do. He's shown you who he really is and it's not pretty. Unbelievably selfish and cruel 😡

Let the midwives and your family and friends know, you will need their support. Concentrate on yourself and baby and getting through the next few weeks - hopefully your mum & dad will rally round and look after you. Don't worry about lawyers and things yet, it can all be sorted out once you and baby are home safe and you've recovered from the birth.

I know this is not what you wanted for your baby - it might be less than ideal but you will be able to provide all the love and security that he needs so please don't worry about the future. Try and think of this as a lucky escape - you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who would abandon the mother of his child when she needs him the most! He is scum and he is not worthy of you 💐

FrodoBiggins · 18/10/2025 17:48

SugarPlumBiscuits · 18/10/2025 17:46

I don’t feel strong at all. They’re about to put me back on monitoring because I’ve had a couple of cramps, they’re not sure if it’s from stress or labour. All I want is for him to be here to support me 😢

You're in the best place. Of course you want him there to support you. But he's not and you need and deserve some support. Please think about asking your mum, sister, a friend. I know I would want to be there for a friend in your situation. They have been visiting you because they love you and your baby, let them in x

Original poster
SugarPlumBiscuits · 18/10/2025 17:50

The midwives have called my mum to come in. They’ve said I get an hour of monitoring before they decide what to do, and all of a sudden there’s talk of me possibly delivering him tonight and being taken for a c section. I feel absolutely scared out of my mind

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 18/10/2025 17:53

If they let you go home, see if there's someone who can stay with you. See that's out.

If your health care team isn't aware of your shitbag husband abandoning you like that, please tell them. They might be able to get a social worker who can access some support for you. Round up people now to make some freezer meals and support post partum. Good luck.

FrodoBiggins · 18/10/2025 17:56

Glad your mum is on the way in. 33 1/2 weeks is early but it's not super early, and that's even if they do deliver which they might not, they just need to talk you through al the possibilities. Guessing you've been given corticosteroids etc since you've been in too to help his little lungs? You're in a much better situation than a mum who unexpectedly goes into labour at 33.5 weeks, you've been monitored and cared for and they'll make whatever decision is safest for you and your baby, who you'll be cuddling in no time x

Teathecolourofcreosote · 18/10/2025 17:56

I know it's easier said than done but try not to spiral.

Now isn't the time for thinking long term. A day at a time and focus on you and the baby.

He may well be a twat and has another woman.

But he could also be overwhelmed and scared. It doesn't excuse his behaviour, far from it. But sometimes men are very bad at explaining their feelings, especially when they are of inadequacy.

If he's really gone then you can deal with that. It won't be easy but you have your family.

Right now it's easy for us to all furiously type that you should tell him never to darken your door again but we are not living this.

I'd caution that on all sides, try and avoid positions there's no coming back from until you have established the facts of all of this.

I'm not inclined to give men the benefit of the doubt and a fair part of me thinks it doesn't apply here. But there's a lot at stake and on the very small chance he's having some sort of breakdown at the fear of losing his wife and child, trying to avoid digging in is probably best.

JLou08 · 18/10/2025 17:57

I wouldn't jump to there being another woman. If all was fine before you went into hospital it could be some kind of breakdown due to the stress. That's not to say that the behaviour is excusable, it's not. He had acted awfully at your most vulnerable time, it's unforgivable and a sign of how he will manage crisis that arise as a parent. Do your best to focus in yourself and your baby, it sounds like you have amazing family support. You've got this.

BruFord · 18/10/2025 18:03

@SugarPlumBiscuits You focus on you and your baby. Relax as much as you can and know that your baby will get the care that they need. 💐

diddl · 18/10/2025 18:03

Easier said than done but you need to focus on yourself.

If he was finding it hard to visit you twice a day he should have said & looked for a solution with you.

NotsosunnyShropshire · 18/10/2025 18:04

As things seem to be changing with your baby, just concentrate on you and the baby and lean on your Mum for support.

He can wait until you’re ready to deal with him.

Floranan · 18/10/2025 18:05

My heart goes out to you, I had my first at 33 weeks, he was small but fine, so please don’t panic you’re both in the right place and once your mum gets there you will be supported.

just concentrate on you and your little boy.

im sure there are quite a few of us who shall keep an eye on this thread waiting to hear you are back on the ward with your baby in your arms

diddl · 18/10/2025 18:06

StrawberryJangle · 18/10/2025 17:09

That would be odd. Parental Responsibility via a marriage certicate.
It might not even be his child. (I'm not saying that).

But you're wrong.

OP needs to concentrate on herself. Not the legal shite.

Show quote history

When you are married a baby born within the marriage is assumed to be the baby of both.

Either parent can register.

TheLilacStork · 18/10/2025 18:07

OP I’m so sorry, get through tonight, lean on your mum and the staff and you’ll have your beautiful boy before you know it. Thinking of you, you just concentrate on this bit, you are the mum to a beautiful little boy who is just about to come into the world. You and him will be a beautiful team regardless of what happens. Sending you lots of love and strength for now

MarxistMags · 18/10/2025 18:13

I'm thinking of you too and hope all goes well for you and baby. X

MrsCompayson · 18/10/2025 18:49

Good luck.

I know you don't feel strong, but you need to do what you know you CAN do. You have grown that baby boy and now he will be coming into the world very soon, you will love him first and foremost. Worry about everything else later.

MonkeypuzzleClimber · 18/10/2025 18:51

I was born at 32+4 in the mid 1970s. My sister (born 4 years before me) was also born at 32 weeks, a week after my mother’s waters had gone. We were also both tiny for dates (less than 3lb). This was before steroids, surfactants and CPAP ventilation etc. After 8 weeks in picu we both came home as healthy babies. We both competed in sports at a national level as teenagers and I have a first class degree and kids of my own. My mother raised us alone too. This is so hard right now, but you will get through it and your precious boy will be fine. I hope your husband stops being a jerk and can step and be a father. But your precious child will be ok either way. Sending love and strength ❤️

Original poster
SugarPlumBiscuits · 18/10/2025 18:57

Baby boy is doing well, he’s content and happy and stable on the monitors. I’m having sporadic contractions and the consultant who’s been leading my care has been contacted, and they’re going to decide whether to induce me or take me down for a c section. My mum is here and she’s organising everything, she has my sisters cooking me meals and my dad setting up their spare room for me to take baby boy home to their house whenever that may be. She seems more hopeful than I am that he’ll avoid a lengthy stay in hospital

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 18/10/2025 19:04

SugarPlumBiscuits · 18/10/2025 18:57

Baby boy is doing well, he’s content and happy and stable on the monitors. I’m having sporadic contractions and the consultant who’s been leading my care has been contacted, and they’re going to decide whether to induce me or take me down for a c section. My mum is here and she’s organising everything, she has my sisters cooking me meals and my dad setting up their spare room for me to take baby boy home to their house whenever that may be. She seems more hopeful than I am that he’ll avoid a lengthy stay in hospital

I'm so glad you have your lovely family around who sound really supportive. Just think about them and your gorgeous baby. I hope everything goes well, whatever your consultant decides to do.

Diarygirlqueen · 18/10/2025 19:10

Bless you OP, I hope all works out for you and the baby.
Sending massive hugs x

ChessorBuckaroo · 18/10/2025 19:11

Completely focus on you and the baby OP. That's all that matters right now. So just try and relax as best you can. Great that your mum is now there with you.

Best of luck with everything hun.

StarCourt · 18/10/2025 19:11

op your family sound lovely

Freeme31 · 18/10/2025 19:25

Good luck OP just concentrate on your baby now you sound like you have a wonderful family ready to take care of you. Sorry your husband wasn’t up to it & turned out to be a spineless!!! Wish you so much strength and happiness just as well youve found out now before he got a chance to also wreck your babies life. Horrible human being that he is

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 18/10/2025 19:25

OP, your husband is a cunt and I’m really sorry he’s done this to you.

Lighteningstrikes · 18/10/2025 19:27

Stay safe in hospital where they can take care of you and your little one.

What he’s done is totally unforgivable.

You will be ok 💐

Countryfiler · 18/10/2025 19:32

I could cry for you reading this. What a bastard to do this at this time, even if he is stressed that is no excuse. And well done to your mum and family, they are stars. Your baby will be so loved by all of you, and you are stronger than you think. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and love from a stranger who is a recent granny.