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Original poster

Am I wrong to be bothered by DH going to cinema with female colleague

237 replies

Anon1234567891 · 16/10/2025 20:19

Just that really. DH has been to the cinema a few times with a female colleague as she doesn’t have anyone else to go with that likes this type of film, including her own DH. I don’t believe they are having an affair, physically anyway, as this is the only time they go out alone and it’s only a few times a year. So am I wrong to be jealous / annoyed? It’s complicated because things haven’t been great the last few years and because of various things I have probably been quite withdrawn from him so probably couldn’t blame him and he doesn’t have much of a social life so not surprised he wants to go out. Just feels like he is more happy to go out with her than he is to make the effort to go out with me.

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/10/2025 21:02

I'd be fine with it (we both have opposite sex friends) - but if my relationship wasn't good it might well bug me - so you aren't being unreasonable to feel out out, but you would be unreasonable to sulk or ask him not to go.

You could say that it's reminded you you'd like to do more with him and set some things up.

Original poster
Anon1234567891 · 16/10/2025 21:03

It’s horror/scary films and I really don’t like that sort of thing. He did say I can come if I want to but he knows I don’t like horror films. He even wasn’t that keen on this one but is going because she wants someone to go with her. They do also text each other about random things but so do other colleagues.
I have met her a few times when we’ve been on work nights out with their work.

It’s not about an affair, just whether it’s appropriate. He also helped her move house when she split up with her husband and our son helped, but they’ve got back together now. Yet he isn’t the one going to the cinema with her!

OP posts:
Duckyfondant · 16/10/2025 21:03

Whaaat is with these responses? They're watching a film together. I feel like that's one of the least threatening activities they could be doing. I've had loads of cinema buddies and it never occured to me that it might not be ok with my partner

Sal820 · 16/10/2025 21:04

I think this sort of thing is actually much worse and much more of an issue when you're already going through a difficult time. It feels like just another thing where you're not being prioritised especially when he's keener to go out with her than he is with you.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 16/10/2025 21:05

Duckyfondant · 16/10/2025 21:03

Whaaat is with these responses? They're watching a film together. I feel like that's one of the least threatening activities they could be doing. I've had loads of cinema buddies and it never occured to me that it might not be ok with my partner

Quite

arcticpandas · 16/10/2025 21:08

My DH goes to the cinema alone all the time because he loves it. I would find it weird if he went with a female collegue.. I think he wouldn't he happy if you started an activity with a male collegue, would he?

Original poster
Anon1234567891 · 16/10/2025 21:20

arcticpandas · 16/10/2025 21:08

My DH goes to the cinema alone all the time because he loves it. I would find it weird if he went with a female collegue.. I think he wouldn't he happy if you started an activity with a male collegue, would he?

No he wouldn’t.

OP posts:
CrazyGoatLady · 16/10/2025 21:20

I'm really interested in what MN thinks married men are allowed to do! It's been an eye opener on here for sure. I guess my (male) boss's wife has been getting her ideas on here, as he says his wife would go mad if he had a meal alone with a female colleague on a work trip, even if it means leaving said female colleague to eat on her own! (No cultural or religious factors btw).

I'm not sure the female friend is the issue here. The issue is the marriage isn't a good place, and that's what makes OP uncomfortable about the risk. Of all things, the cinema is pretty low risk I would have thought, you're not really interacting with one another. That's why I've always found it an odd choice for dates. But I may be in the minority there.

Men who want to cheat (and women, for that matter) will always find ways to do so, if they're that way out.

CrazyGoatLady · 16/10/2025 21:22

Anon1234567891 · 16/10/2025 21:20

No he wouldn’t.

Show quote history

Well then, perhaps you need to find one! What's good for the goose and all...if he can have an opposite sex friendship, so can you.

dontcomeatme · 16/10/2025 21:23

I think YABU. If they're both into let say, star wars or avengers and you're not, then why can't they go to the movies together. Weird. People are allowed friends.

Dorosomethingbeautiful · 16/10/2025 21:34

I would not be comfortable with this OP

Smithey588 · 16/10/2025 21:34

Everyone is entitled to their own boundaries, so I wouldn’t say YABU but I could never be with someone who was so insecure they wouldn’t let me socialise with my female friends, one of which is my best friend.

I never understand why so many on here don’t believe an opposite sex friend can’t be platonic because it absolutely can.

Out of curiously, does age/attractiveness play a part in whether or not it’s acceptable and tolerated in other relationships? If said woman was 30 years older and subjectively physically unattractive, would that make a difference?

i see my best fiend once a fortnight, we have movie nights in, go out for drinks; walks down the beach and dinner dates, not once has there ever been any physical attraction between us and my OH actually encourages me to spend time with her.

If a man/woman really wants to cheat, they could just as easily chat someone up in Tesco's or down the park walking the dog.

He had also invited you, so it’s not like you weren’t involved. Next time accept the offer and see how they interact whilst you are with them.

zaxxon · 16/10/2025 21:35

I'd be fine with it. People do manage to have friends and go out with them occasionally without starting an affair.

gannett · 16/10/2025 22:01

wrongthinker · 16/10/2025 20:27

Are you unreasonable to not want your husband to go on dates with another woman? Not really. Your husband is putting time and effort into the relationship with his colleague that he's not putting in with his marriage, and that's a red flag.

People can go and watch films by themselves. They don't need a partner for that.

It's not a date. It's going to the cinema. I go to the cinema with mates all the time, usually to see bleak subtitled arthouse films that DP has no interest in. Some of those mates are men. We have managed not to start any affairs.

It is batshit to insist that people in relationships have to go to the cinema by themselves even if they have a friend who shares their taste in film.

God I'm so glad I'm not in a controlling relationship where my partner thinks he can ringfence who I socialise with and how.

ForeverHopeful3 · 16/10/2025 23:14

I don't need to read the long description.

I would NEVER be okay with my SO going to the movies even ONCE with another woman that's not a relative. Unless he's taking me as well, he is not going. Period.

Lavender14 · 16/10/2025 23:18

I think I'd feel a bit insecure around this but probably mainly because from what you're describing, your relationship isn't in the best place that it could be. (Nor is hers by the sound of it).

I think you need to sit down with your dh and have a conversation about feeling insecure in general and try to address the issues that are going on in your own relationship first and foremost.

SunflowerTed · 16/10/2025 23:19

There is no way myself or my husband would be comfortable going to the cinema either a work colleague of the opposite sex!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2025 23:29

wrongthinker · 16/10/2025 20:27

Are you unreasonable to not want your husband to go on dates with another woman? Not really. Your husband is putting time and effort into the relationship with his colleague that he's not putting in with his marriage, and that's a red flag.

People can go and watch films by themselves. They don't need a partner for that.

Would you have gone with bim
if invited op?

MooDengOfThailand · 16/10/2025 23:30

I wouldn't be happy about that at all.

Lighteningstrikes · 16/10/2025 23:38

Not good.

How would he feel if it was the other way round.

If you want to stay together you should both be working on your relationship and doing a few things together.

ooohreallly · 17/10/2025 07:05

SparklyCardigan · 16/10/2025 20:59

Would it bother you if he was going with a male colleague?

I don’t understand comments like this.
Surely if the husband is ‘straight’ then when doing stuff with another male no feelings or boundaries can be crossed, however, if the husband is heterosexual and is attracted to females then feelings and boundaries can be crossed.
The statement is nonsense.

perfectcolourfound · 17/10/2025 07:19

I'm surprised how many people here consider that a cinema trip is automatically a date, and wouldn't trust their husband in the dark with another woman.

As you've explained it, I can't see what's wrong. No other warning signs, it's a niche area that they're both interested in, it's a few times a year at most.

If you trust him, there's no problem.

If you think there's more to it, and don't trust him, then you'd be right to be concerned.

FruitMergeAddict · 17/10/2025 07:24

Blows my mind that some people don't do stuff with a whole range of people. Wouldn't ever have occurred to me to be stressed about this. Someone having an affair looks and behaves differently than someone going to the cinema with a friend.

People can cheat anywhere - would you stop your husband going to work or going online or going to a hobby?

Catsknowbest · 17/10/2025 07:26

Hedgehogbrown · 16/10/2025 21:00

Well you have two issues here. One is that your marriage isn't as good as it could be, and you both need to work on what's wrong. And another issue that he isn't allowed to spend time with a friend without you being annoyed. The two things re separate.

Everyone on here who wouldn't be comfortable with it, you must have one of those shitty Mumsnet husband's who shags anyone around. Most of us wouldn't be an eye. Do you seriously have no male friends? Absolutely crazy behaviour.

As for being upset that he wants to make an effort for his friend but not you.. well it's a different relationship. Friends have less drama. Do you like those films? Do you want to go to the cinema with him? Find other things to do together, it's not either / or.

No I don't have a "shitty husband who shags around"- I divorced that one. I have male friends. But I wouldn't be popping off to the pictures with them.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 17/10/2025 07:28

I wouldn't have an issue with this. I've been to the cinema with a male friend on a couple of occasions, DH didn't want to see those particular films and I like going with someone I can discuss the film with afterwards.