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Original poster

I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do?

694 replies

IAmInAPickle · 13/10/2025 14:58

I am 26, I have a stable job and my own house so that doesn’t have a bearing on the situation I am in.

My ex and I (I’ll call him Leo for the sake of this post) broke up a year ago. It was entirely mutual, because we were both too busy to dedicate enough time to our relationship. We’d been together for two years and it honestly broke my heart. We were both just as upset and heartbroken as each other, but we knew it had to happen because we just weren’t good partners for each other. He has always felt like my “what could have been”, he was the right person at the wrong time.

About twelve weeks ago, I met up with a friend (I’ll call him Adam) for coffee. Adam mentioned quite off the cuff that he had always liked me and wanted to take me on a date. I agreed, because I really liked him too and decided it would be fun.

After a couple of dates it became clear that the limit of our relationship was lust, and wouldn’t become romantic.

We ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation and it was all good, until I realised that I’ve missed my period. I’ve done a test and it’s positive, and I think I’m about four weeks.

I’ve told Adam and he has said the ball is entirely in my court. If I want the baby, he will step up and we can coparent. If I don’t, he’ll support that.

I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble.

i don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this and I guess I just need some sort of advice because I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
ainsisoisje · 14/10/2025 09:57

andfinallyhereweare · 14/10/2025 09:37

I don’t think you fully realise what having kids actually looks like day-to-day. Honestly, I had no idea either, and I had a partner, a house, and financial stability. Parenting is huge. It completely turns your world upside down. It’s not some cosy little routine; it’s 90% relentless graft.

If I were you, I’d forget about men for a minute and really sit with what single parent life would mean. Even if you’re strong enough to handle itand I’m sure you are it can be painfully lonely. Picture this: every evening, sitting on the couch alone while your baby sleeps, knowing your friends are out at the pub or living life. No one to tag in when you’re exhausted. No one to share night feeds, appointments, worries, bills. You’re the default for everything, all the time.

It’s beautiful in moments, of course. But it’s heavy. And you have to go into it with your eyes wide open, not just your heart. If you can do that have the baby. If not- make a go at it with Leo but be prepared it may not work out or you may not be able to get pregnant together. Life is full of unknowns (it could also all work out perfectly for you!) it’s a risk either way. Good luck with it all, must be stressful for you.

Wow well said and thanks for your honesty.

Elektra1 · 14/10/2025 10:07

Do you plan on continuing your career in the law, or is the objective to turn the side hustle into your full time job? At 26 you can only be a fairly junior lawyer. It’s hard work progressing a career in law. I have done so over 15 years, for most of which I was (and still am) a single parent, and am now quite senior and well paid, but I work full time and it’s really hard managing school timetables with work commitments. Children need more, not less, as they get older. School holidays are a stressful muddle in terms of childcare. Holidays as a single parent are not relaxing, because it’s just you having to entertain the child all day. No sunbathing while enjoying a book.

Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 10:08

Aluna · 14/10/2025 09:44

But then you wouldn’t call public sector work “city law”.

I’ve never met a city lawyer doing 3 days at 26. This is the age of slog. Never going to make partner, ever. And what of the reputational risks of content creation/online presence.

Show quote history

Not all of us care about making partner!

OP posts:
LadySuzanne · 14/10/2025 10:19

NovaF · 14/10/2025 08:37

There was a post a while ago by a woman in her late 30s that had unprotected sex with two men 10 days apart and was pregnant. All of the posts were about how she should keep the baby and noone judging her.

not sure why that post had those responses but this one gets the MN bitch pile on judging and calling her immature.

The consistent things in all your posts, OP, has been how you want children and you love them. So have your baby and enjoy your life together. And if you get back together with Leo, great, but if not, you still have your baby.

I cannot believe the amount of strangers laying into you for having unprotected sex, and even worse advising for an abortion when you never once said you wanted one. I know that if you said you were 36 not 26 the comments would all be telling you to keep the baby. Also mind boggling people trying to dissect whether you are ‘real’ based on your income and owning a house. I had a property in my 20s on an average salary that was part buy part rent. Not unheard of.

I hope the responses to your post have not
left you feeling beaten down.

"I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble."

As opposed to not keeping the baby?

True, OP has not said outright that termination was an option she was considering. But if she "was leaning towards keeping the baby..." then what was the alternative? For someone who works in the legal profession, I'm sure OP will appreciate that what she has written is ambiguous.

Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:19

IAmInAPickle · 13/10/2025 20:41

Okay, me and Leo have had a really good chat.

Firstly, I’m not too sure why people think im going to jump into bed with Leo and then lie to him?! It would be pretty cruel to all involved. Adam already knows.

secondly, he was surprised. This isn’t like me, but he wasn’t angry. He reiterated the same sentiments as Adam. He supports my decision no matter what, but then we got to chatting about life and everything that’s happened in the last year and it just reminded me why I like him so much. We have a shared love for travel, we share so many interests and so many things that wouldn’t be possible with a child.

he wants a proper go of things. I know a lot of people think “right person wrong time” isn’t possible but I truly believe it is. We’ve both grown a lot in the past year, but we still fit together so well.

I have some thinking to do, but I think my mind is being slowly made up.

This sounds like something from a Hallmark movie.

Literally an hour and a half before you posted this you didn't know what to do. Then all of a sudden you've met up with "Leo" at the pub, told him the entire story of "Adam" and the baby and he's fully supportive of everything and wants to make a go of it with you?!

Even though you're pregnant with someone else's baby?!

All whilst working two jobs - one as a lawyer in the city (who only works 3 days a week despite being 26 and only just qualified)?!

Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:28

havingoneofthosedays · 14/10/2025 07:38

Complete and utter bollocks

October school week here...

😆

Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 10:31

Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:19

This sounds like something from a Hallmark movie.

Literally an hour and a half before you posted this you didn't know what to do. Then all of a sudden you've met up with "Leo" at the pub, told him the entire story of "Adam" and the baby and he's fully supportive of everything and wants to make a go of it with you?!

Even though you're pregnant with someone else's baby?!

All whilst working two jobs - one as a lawyer in the city (who only works 3 days a week despite being 26 and only just qualified)?!

Show quote history

I don’t know why everyone is so surprised by my work pattern. It’s incredibly common b

OP posts:
Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:33

IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 09:14

I’ve said from the start I’ve gone part time due to a side income.

I have built my career to a place that I am happy, I feel fulfilled and content. I’m not sure why you’ve taken such a dislike to me.

Show quote history

You've built your career to the point you have been able to drop to 3 days a week?! At 26?! The absolute max length of time you could have been practicing for is 4-5 years 😂And in that time you've also managed to get a mortgage in London?! Amazing.

Sorry but the more I read the updates the more this sounds like a really bad rom com.

Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:37

IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 10:31

I don’t know why everyone is so surprised by my work pattern. It’s incredibly common b

Show quote history

No, it's really, really not. In fact, it's unheard of.

I worked in the legal industry (in both Manchester and London) for 15 years and there was not one single person working part time. Certainly not in their 20s!

And no law firm would let you drop to 3 days a week to accommodate a second job 😂

EleventyThree · 14/10/2025 10:37

You will be tethered to this guy "Adam" for the REST OF YOUR LIFE if you have the baby.

Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 11:02

Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:37

No, it's really, really not. In fact, it's unheard of.

I worked in the legal industry (in both Manchester and London) for 15 years and there was not one single person working part time. Certainly not in their 20s!

And no law firm would let you drop to 3 days a week to accommodate a second job 😂

Show quote history

It’s not, because I’ve done it!

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 11:02

Starlight1984 · 14/10/2025 10:33

You've built your career to the point you have been able to drop to 3 days a week?! At 26?! The absolute max length of time you could have been practicing for is 4-5 years 😂And in that time you've also managed to get a mortgage in London?! Amazing.

Sorry but the more I read the updates the more this sounds like a really bad rom com.

Show quote history

You don’t know my financial situation so I’d not comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 11:04

Questioning of my circumstances aside, I’ve contacted BPAS to start the process of an abortion.

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 14/10/2025 11:30

Hope it all goes smoothly OP. I am grateful we live in a country where we have safe, free legal access and I support your right to make choices about your body (and any other woman's too).

Fabulously · 14/10/2025 11:45

As long as you’re doing it for you, fine. But I hope you’re not doing it to try and make a go of it with Leo. I think if you and Leo didn’t work out, you could regret having an abortion

Fluffybagel · 14/10/2025 12:11

IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 11:04

Questioning of my circumstances aside, I’ve contacted BPAS to start the process of an abortion.

I’m sorry for all the backlash you’ve received regarding your situation and finances. You’re young and we absolutely all make mistakes! (I certainly did) there’s absolutely no need for the nastiness, mostly it will be down to jealousy I am sure where money is concerned.

you are young and the circumstances and timing of a baby probably is not the best right now with a FWB. I hope everything goes smoothly with the termination, if that is what you want, and you and Leo really make a go of things and who knows, maybe a family in the future. Good luck xxx

Onmytod24 · 14/10/2025 12:15

Thank you for updating us and all the best for your future

mayGodhelpusall · 14/10/2025 12:49

IAmInAPickle · 13/10/2025 16:12

Because I had sex while drunk?

Show quote history

Well.....yeah!

Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 12:52

mayGodhelpusall · 14/10/2025 12:49

Well.....yeah!

Show quote history

I guess all women should abstain unless they’re using three forms of birth control or married!

OP posts:
mayGodhelpusall · 14/10/2025 12:53

mayGodhelpusall · 14/10/2025 12:49

Well.....yeah!

Show quote history

Previous post aside, I actually disagree with the Leo path wholeheartedly. You are best going your own path for a couple of years and see if your paths realign in the future. But then I am quite anti-abortion apart from special circumstances (rape, medical issues etc)

Toofficeornot · 14/10/2025 12:56

IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 11:02

You don’t know my financial situation so I’d not comment.

Show quote history

Good luck OP, hope it all goes well and best of luck for your future!

Umbilicat · 14/10/2025 12:56

NovaF · 14/10/2025 09:36

I’m not pushing anything. She is a grown woman, not a child. Who are you to decide what her best life will be, that is up to her? She came here to get advice on her situation and has been met with constant juddement

Show quote history

im not judging the OP at all, I judge people like you encouraging young women who’ve got pregnant accidentally and would rather go travelling with their ex to become single mothers. It’s hideously irresponsible.

DBD1975 · 14/10/2025 12:59

EleventyThree · 14/10/2025 10:37

You will be tethered to this guy "Adam" for the REST OF YOUR LIFE if you have the baby.

And he will be tethered to the OP and the baby!

CrostaDiPizza · 14/10/2025 13:03

IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 12:52

I guess all women should abstain unless they’re using three forms of birth control or married!

Show quote history

One of the couple should be using a form of contraception.

Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 14/10/2025 13:03

CrostaDiPizza · 14/10/2025 13:03

One of the couple should be using a form of contraception.

Show quote history

And we had been. We made a drunken mistake. It’s really not the end of the world.

OP posts: