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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has split up with me because

841 replies

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 08/10/2025 18:42

Wow, such a power move. The past year must have been pretty grim and now you’re shot of him you’ll see it. Have a wonderful weekend.

BreezyPeachBalonz · 08/10/2025 18:43

This man is abusive and you are in an abusive relationship. He WILL try and contact you after the trip to get back together. He’ll probably do it several times. He’ll probably threaten suicide at some point. Please do not go back to him.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 08/10/2025 18:43

I can't help wondering if he has been unfaithful to you and you don't know about it, since he seems to certain you're going to be unfaithful to him.

Bin him.

Doodlingsquares · 08/10/2025 18:43

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 08/10/2025 17:28

I expect he's hoping this is the tactic that will make you cancel your holiday.

This. Its a method of control, he thinks when faced with the end of the relationship you'll decide not to go.

Red flags all over this behaviour from him: there is nothing wrong with heading off on a fun weekend trip with your friends.

You are better off rid he will only get more manipulative, untrusting and controlling. Before you know it if you mention a male colleague at work in passing he'll be accusing you of cheating etc. You are well rid

Empress13 · 08/10/2025 18:43

what an emotional idiot he is ! Dump the whimp And hold your head high by walking away oh and make sure you do whatever you want ! Enjoy your hol twat free!

BreezyPeachBalonz · 08/10/2025 18:44

MyFortieth · 08/10/2025 18:31

OP you could direct him to this thread. And we could let him know what a loser he is.

It is absolutely sickening that a proportion of men see it as “inevitable” that a woman going out is on the pull. It certainly shows you what he really thought of you all along, and it is so so insulting.
He definitely is not someone that can improve anyone’s life.
As for his Head Held High 😂

He doesn’t think she’s going on the pull. He just doesn’t want her to see her friends or family.

HelloDaisy · 08/10/2025 18:45

Well done for standing your ground and not cancelling the holiday. best to get out now and find someone who trusts you and wants you to be happy.

My lovely friend met a man like that who sadly never changed from the controlling, untrusting person he was in the beginning. 25 years later she is finally getting divorced and overwhelmed at the prospect of starting again.

Scarfitwere · 08/10/2025 18:45

He's done the breaking up for you, excellent! Now just make sure you don't entertain the idea of taking him back!

pilates · 08/10/2025 18:46

Dodged a bullet there.

Have a great weekend!

Elsvieta · 08/10/2025 18:46

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 18:38

He said, he would be happier never speaking to me again as he will never then know what I have been up to, yet he loves me so much, too much which is why his life is in a mess.

honestly he’s making out that I’ve been sleeping with men left right centre and totally disrespecting him the last 12 months which is far from the truth.

i know I am better off, I really do. I’m just hurt, but bring on the weekend! Surrounded by women who I love and love me, with sun, sangria and.. not sex!

Oh yeah, it's always the nearest woman's fault if their life's a mess. He's a type, and a sadly common one. They don't like you having friends because they know friends will talk sense to you: "You shouldn't put up with his whiny controlling man-baby shit", that sort of thing. Enjoy the sun! But maybe consider making it clear before you go that you've had it with his crap and won't be caving? Otherwise you'll probably come back to more of the same. Or be getting these texts all through your holiday.

JenXWarrior · 08/10/2025 18:46

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 18:17

Thank you for all the messages I have read every single one and some of them have really made me laugh/smile!

im absolutely not cancelling my trip. I did just reply to his message, as he sent me two more than tried to call me. I basically said I had nothing to say back and I’m essentially not going to let him gaslight me. He’s chosen to make this decision for himself and that’s ok.

I honestly don’t know if this is a ploy to get me to cancel, or to just break me and make me grovel, beg and like others say ruin my weekend. Not going to lie, I will have some upset and sadness this weekend of course.. but if he is going to do this to me before I’m going on a trip then he won’t have a chance to come back so this is on him.

i feel angry right now, initially I cried, and now I’m mad, but later when the dcs have gone to bed I will probably cry! But that’s ok, I have therapy tomorrow!!

I honestly don’t know if this is a ploy to get me to cancel, or to just break me and make me grovel, beg and like others say ruin my weekend.

Cancel would be his main aim but he'd make do with spoiling it if that's all he can get. Thankfully superstar OP found 'hidden option number 3''. Call the fuckers bluff and fuck him off. It's like the secret menu at McDonald's. We've heard rumours it exists but it's rarely utilised 😁

OP it's normal to feel these emotions. Just remember, he waited till now to do this so you'd be at the height of these emotions. This is your punishment for still having the gall to go. He wants you focused on him. If he can't stop you going the next weapon is to stop you enjoying it as much as you would have done.

It's fairly standard for these twats to pull shit like this. Now you know the game, you can get it out of your system and then start ramping up the excitement for the weekend. I'm excited now and I'm not even going 😂 ❤

EDIT- Grammar

Bibanova · 08/10/2025 18:46

Send him back to his mother, he needs his nappy changed and his bottle filling… what a baby!! Have fun with your friends on your much needed time away

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 18:46

Sorry, he's a manipulator. You are, even if doesn't feel like it right now, better off without him.

Maddy70 · 08/10/2025 18:47

You've had a lucky escape. He's a huge controller and this would get worse. Go and enjoy your lovely holiday and all have a drink together to toast your freedom

Achewyhamster · 08/10/2025 18:48

God this was my ex
The back story was,he had been having an affair with a married woman
She'd been knocking off yet another man on the side and he found out

I came along and by God did I have to pay for her doing that to him,these are the games he'd play to keep me in line

One day,we'd been invited to his mums for a bbq
He went ahead for some reason and I followed a few hours later
We got there 5 minutes early and he threw a massive tantrum and stormed out,fully expecting me to follow him
I didnt,I stayed and had a nice time
He threw tantrum after tantrum that I hadn't followed him and had been shagging other men in front of his family (I'm not sure where I was meant to have found these men)

I finished it,so he sent me endless messages to goad me into answering and to get sucked back in

Learn from my mistakes (hanging around for so bloody long) and run away-block him on your phone (I use the truecaller app on my phone)

Controlling twat,enjoy your holiday

Normandy144 · 08/10/2025 18:48

Definitely good riddance. Enjoy your holiday but be prepared he might step up the attempts to reel you back when you're home. Please, please, please do yourself a favour and make sure you tell your friends and family about what has happened, what he's like. All too often women keep these things to themselves and it makes it easier for them to go back to the abusive partner, but don't. Let them know what you've been through so they can support you when he inevitably tries to win you back. It makes all the difference if people around you know the situation and can help remind you if you feel yourself falling back into it. Have a fabulous holiday and best wishes for the future, far, far away from this insecure individual.

RubyMentor · 08/10/2025 18:48

and block his number so he can’t try to spoil your weekend

Cantabulous · 08/10/2025 18:52

God what a complete loser, you’re well shot of him!

ERthree · 08/10/2025 18:53

Do you seriously want to spend a single day longer with this controlling abusive pathetic excuse of a man ? Now go and enjoy your holiday and when you come back don't take him back.

BirdShedRevisited · 08/10/2025 18:53

Block and delete. He sounds like he needs therapy quite honestly.

PersephonePomegranate · 08/10/2025 18:53

He's an absolute bellend, or being kind and suspending disbelief here, mentally unwell. Either way he's no good for you - ditch him.

Also, it doesn't sound like you live together, so he is NOT your partner, he's a boyfriend of only one year. Think of him in those terms - makes it easier to ditch.

Thingyfanding1 · 08/10/2025 18:54

This is a very controlling man and it only gets worse (I’ve been there). I’m sure it’s very upsetting but whatever you do, do not take him back (he’ll try). He’s seeing how far he can push you.
Just don’t reply to his messages and if he turns up at your home don’t answer the door.

User37482 · 08/10/2025 18:54

I had a boyfriend like this, he became more and more controlling until he eventually tried to strangle me. It’s not love it’s him being a total psychopath.

Seriously just leave, it will only get worse.

itbemay1 · 08/10/2025 18:54

I’d say ok. Let him go, he’s trying to control you - don’t let him

SpongeKnobNoPants · 08/10/2025 18:55

My DSis got with someone like this. He's systematically alienated her from her entire friends and family. She's allowed to hang out with his mum. The only job she was allowed was working at the same place as his mum on the same shifts. He created such a fuss about her choosing me over him (even thiugh he was also invited) that she cancelled coming to my wedding. I haven't seen her in 10 yrs now.

I hear he's got her deeply involved with religion aswell. Neither of them were religious at all, but I believe it's yet another way to brainwash and control her.

Jealous controlling wankers like this use emotional blackmail at every turn. And the deeper into the relationship, the worse it gets. More and more tactics are used to isolate and control.

At just a year in he's saying you're making him ill with stress by going on a trip without him. How pathetic. He needs to grow up. It's like a little baby at nursery crying and having a tantrum when mummy has to leave for work...except he's a grown man. An adult!

Ick x 1000