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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has split up with me because

841 replies

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 09/10/2025 18:04

Best this ends now before marriage. He won't change. Will only get worse. Not your problem to solve

Witnesstheshitness · 09/10/2025 18:04

Best birthday present he could have got you!

PorridgeEater · 09/10/2025 18:08

"Had therapy, feeling really upset."

Oh dear - I don't agree it should be "normal" to feel upset after therapy - it should be helping you. Doesn't sound very therapeutic.
Maybe you have a rubbish therapist and should try someone else. Meanwhile a weekend away with the girls is probably the best therapy you could have.

MrsJeanLuc · 09/10/2025 18:14

Cinaferna · 09/10/2025 16:59

This.

I'm baffled by these posters who don't understand what a girls' weekend away is, or a girls' family weekend. None of these words are hard to understand and together they make perfect sense.

Show quote history

I get it. It's just my idea of hell 🤣🤣🤣

Why oh why would anyone put themselves through it?😋😋

outerspacepotato · 09/10/2025 18:15

pinkstripeycat · 09/10/2025 17:49

Please don’t waste police time. You do realise their job is to fight crime not to do welfare checks? If someone needs a welfare check call a medic.

Ex BF isn’t your problem anymore.

The police spend so much time looking for people who threaten to harm themselves (usually the same people over and over for many years and the police HAVE to go just in case that person goes through with their threat “this time”. So far in 20yrs my DH says they never have.

When someone genuinely needs police they aren’t available and then everyone else complains the police aren’t doing their job and don’t turn up! BECAUSE they are looking for the selfish missing people. This does NOT mean those in genuine need or crisis by the way.

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First, OP is not a mental health professional. She can't judge whether a threat is valid or not. If it is, the person gets help. If it isn't, there's now a paper trail that this person is manipulative enough to threaten suicide. It also can stop those threats when the police show up

TwistedWonder · 09/10/2025 18:22

MrsJeanLuc · 09/10/2025 18:14

I get it. It's just my idea of hell 🤣🤣🤣

Why oh why would anyone put themselves through it?😋😋

Show quote history

Each to their own. I absolutely love weekends away and holidays with my female friends.

Im nearly 60 and still go way 4/5 times a year - I don’t need to ‘put myself through it’ I thoroughly enjoy it

Elsvieta · 09/10/2025 18:30

Clarissaclaire · 09/10/2025 14:51

For some it’s not as easy as ‘just blocking’ or walking away from someone who you have developed a huge emotional attachment to. OP is possibly already on an emotional hook or in a psychological straitjacket of her boyfriend’s making. Logically she knows it’s all wrong but she may not have the wherewithal to be the one who completely breaks off.
This is seen time and again with women who are abused and/or beaten up by their partners, they just can’t cut the ties and escape.
OP I send you my heart felt best.

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I'm not sure if I'd block immediately in her position - she doesn't know how he's going to react now she's stopped taking his crap. If someone was sending me messages with death threats or something I'd rather at least know it, so I could take steps to protect myself. She definitely shouldn't engage - no replies, whatever he sends. But she should see if he stops, or, if he doesn't, what he sends - and if it's threatening, keep all the evidence and report it.

Lotsofsnacks · 09/10/2025 18:37

Pls op do not weaken and take him back when you’re back. You can do so much better

Topseyt123 · 09/10/2025 18:55

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:32

Thank you everyone I really need to hear this. He just sent me a long text about how disrespectful I’ve been over the last year (not true) and that I lied to him about how many of us are going so what else am I lying about.. again not true.

need to keep the momentum of positivity up. And yes he usually does not like me seeing friends

Block his number so that the texts stop. Don't even grace this latest text with a response.

You've had a lucky escape here and dodged a bullet. He is showing you who he really is and you should listen to him because he won't change. He will get worse and even more controlling.

Go and enjoy your holiday. Take another friend on the other trip. Don't let him worm his way back in when you get back.

Bluddyellfire · 09/10/2025 20:50

pinkstripeycat · 09/10/2025 17:49

Please don’t waste police time. You do realise their job is to fight crime not to do welfare checks? If someone needs a welfare check call a medic.

Ex BF isn’t your problem anymore.

The police spend so much time looking for people who threaten to harm themselves (usually the same people over and over for many years and the police HAVE to go just in case that person goes through with their threat “this time”. So far in 20yrs my DH says they never have.

When someone genuinely needs police they aren’t available and then everyone else complains the police aren’t doing their job and don’t turn up! BECAUSE they are looking for the selfish missing people. This does NOT mean those in genuine need or crisis by the way.

Show quote history

Very bad advice. OP sounds to be at considerable risk of this man escalating his behaviors and she has every right to seek appropriate professional support to ensure her own safety as well as peace of mind. Or do you expect her to just sit and wait until he's done something drastic either to her or himself? What he's doing already IS a crime, or most certainly will be if he carries on. FFS...

TessSaysYes · 09/10/2025 21:23

Huh! 😖...you re not rid of this horrible jealous twat so easily as that. He's just trying to control you and he ll be back.
Be pro active and dump his sorry ass, and mean it when you do.

Original poster
Thatisthatthen · 09/10/2025 21:34

He has escalated.. lots of anger and name calling over the phone (some texts too)

he has told me he does not love me he cannot love someone who lies and manipulates, he hopes I catch aids and he hopes I die, he wishes me a very painful death.

he has also said, he now has nothing else to say to me. I have confidentially said he has beyond crossed the line and I will not be speaking to him again. I will be leaving his number open should I need to be aware of any threats, but otherwise I’m completely taken back and quite frankly disgusted.

will not be wasting anymore tears over this person.

OP posts:
Beachtastic · 09/10/2025 21:40

Absolutely mad as a chop, OP!

Keep well clear and keep an eye out for your safety.

Enjoy your trashy vulgar sleazy whoreish time away 😉

Treeleaf11 · 09/10/2025 21:41

He is starting to sound dangerous. Be careful.

Mysticaldeer · 09/10/2025 21:42

Poor you, op. Can't help feeling you should have ended this a long time ago. He can't possibly have been a good bf for you.

I'm not blaming you, just hoping you can see if there's things you should have picked up on and ditched him earlier.. Will help you going forward.

Anyway, hope he leaves you alone now. If not, you need to make it clear he must stop contacting you. Save the textas proof. Then report him to the police if he carries on.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.
Don't let this idiot spoil it for you.

Betty1625 · 09/10/2025 21:42

Sorry to say, these types don't go away quietly. Look after yourself, tell your friends nad family what's going on, get some cameras, if needed - don't hesitate to contact police

Pipsquiggle · 09/10/2025 21:43

Thatisthatthen · 09/10/2025 21:34

He has escalated.. lots of anger and name calling over the phone (some texts too)

he has told me he does not love me he cannot love someone who lies and manipulates, he hopes I catch aids and he hopes I die, he wishes me a very painful death.

he has also said, he now has nothing else to say to me. I have confidentially said he has beyond crossed the line and I will not be speaking to him again. I will be leaving his number open should I need to be aware of any threats, but otherwise I’m completely taken back and quite frankly disgusted.

will not be wasting anymore tears over this person.

So sorry you are going through this @Thatisthatthen

Have you texted/Whatsapped him to say you no longer want him to contact you and if he does that's harassment and you will contact the police.?

He's a real bastard, he is angry because he can't control you

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/10/2025 21:44

Seriously now @Thatisthatthen you need to be reporting ALL of this to the police. This man is a danger to women.

CoraPirbright · 09/10/2025 21:47

PP’s upthread have suggested doing a Claire’s Law application and I think that might be wise. He sounds absolutely unhinged.

TwistedWonder · 09/10/2025 21:48

Well that escalated quickly from whiney twat to full on cunt in 48 hours

He’s been putting on a good guy act to reel you in with his insecurities leaking out now abc again but now he’s lost control and you didn’t jump to his demands his mask has well and truly slipped and the vile abusive piece of shit really is has shown himself.

In your shoes I’d block him while I’m away and not let him put any negativity on my holiday.

JustMyView13 · 09/10/2025 21:48

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/10/2025 21:44

Seriously now @Thatisthatthen you need to be reporting ALL of this to the police. This man is a danger to women.

Firm agree. This man is a danger to women, yourself included.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/10/2025 21:49

Thatisthatthen · 09/10/2025 21:34

He has escalated.. lots of anger and name calling over the phone (some texts too)

he has told me he does not love me he cannot love someone who lies and manipulates, he hopes I catch aids and he hopes I die, he wishes me a very painful death.

he has also said, he now has nothing else to say to me. I have confidentially said he has beyond crossed the line and I will not be speaking to him again. I will be leaving his number open should I need to be aware of any threats, but otherwise I’m completely taken back and quite frankly disgusted.

will not be wasting anymore tears over this person.

You need to report this. Your only response to this should have been “if you contact me again I will call the police”. If he then continued, it is an arrestable offence. You really need to get this logged for your own safety. The man is a psychopath and despite knowing full well he’s brought this on himself, he is raging that you have not done what he wanted you to do which was cancel your trip and beg for forgiveness.

I would also be concerned about the safety of your property if he knows it’s empty. Block off any letterbox. Speak to neighbours. Can somebody pop in over the weekend to keep an eye? Please listen to me when I say you have to report this. He is escalating. So sorry this is happening to you.

TheFormidableMrsC · 09/10/2025 21:51

CoraPirbright · 09/10/2025 21:47

PP’s upthread have suggested doing a Claire’s Law application and I think that might be wise. He sounds absolutely unhinged.

This is vital. I’d be surprised if he didn’t have form.

LaChouette · 09/10/2025 21:58

Please report this to the police. If he is not already known to them, I would be surprised, but getting him on their radar could save you or someone else in future. This man sounds very dangerous.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 09/10/2025 21:59

Thatisthatthen · 09/10/2025 21:34

He has escalated.. lots of anger and name calling over the phone (some texts too)

he has told me he does not love me he cannot love someone who lies and manipulates, he hopes I catch aids and he hopes I die, he wishes me a very painful death.

he has also said, he now has nothing else to say to me. I have confidentially said he has beyond crossed the line and I will not be speaking to him again. I will be leaving his number open should I need to be aware of any threats, but otherwise I’m completely taken back and quite frankly disgusted.

will not be wasting anymore tears over this person.

He is 100% escalating. Make sure you are documenting everything. And change the locks on your house to be safe. Make sure your family knows about his behavior so they can stay safe too.