Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

Oh you poor thing OP. Im going on a girls family holiday next march to marakesh. Cant bloody wait. My relatively new boyfriend of 6 months was all 'how exciting' and 'what are all your plans'. Normal, positive reaction. I wouldn't be with him otherwise. Its a big group of female relatives from 18 to 80! Its gonna be epic, we've bought tshirts lol, and every time we meet up we talk about it, and my boyfriend has been nothing but excited for me.

You've dodged a bullet there. He sounds awful. AND he is now really showing his true colours because you have stood up to him, and he is calling you hideous names. Hold firm. You deserve waaaay better.

He s given you an out...run.
This guy will drag you down for life if you stay.

Are you really asking this? Going on holiday with your sister, female cousins, mum, grandma, aunties, daughter, daughter in law or any permutations of these It's very simple to understand.

It’s a faux naive question. I suspect that poster thinks the OP is single handedly holding up the patriarchy, for finding out her partner is abusive, and for using the word “girls” to describe women.

Hi Op

So what’s the verdict on this relationship?

Is it over from your point of view?

He has done you a favour. Block and move on (and have a wonderful, guilt-free girls holiday!).

Trash has taken itself out OP!! My ex was like this, had issues with all my friends, how I dressed, how I did my hair, how I put make up on. Was constantly accusing me of all sorts. It made me absolutely despise him by the end and I had zero respect for him. It was so liberating to finally be free of him when I gave him the boot. Insecure men give me the major ICK now.

Men like this never change, you will spend your life trying to please him, and it's no your job.

Have an AMAZING time away xxx

Nothing to add except have a wonderful holiday🏖️🍷

Thank goodness, he f**ked and brought the gaslighting to crisis point - and, surprise, surprise, he's now trying to gaslighting you into thinking that he didn't break up with you - and getting angry and abusive when his plan and manipulation tactics don't work.

Have a great holiday and take care of yourself - don't let him back to pick up any belongings, don't meet up, stay safe. He's exactly the kind of abusive asshole who could turn nasty.

he's done you a massive favour, this kind of shit will only get worse. Enjoy your weekend away!

Well done OP for standing firm. Now block him on every available channel so that he doesn't ruin your holiday. Get family members to block him too if they have his number stored.

He has shown you his true colours now. He totally expected you to back down and not go in your desperation to keep him... however you know that you don't need a man this insecure, controlling, and nasty (calling you names).

Enjoy your weekend away, and please do not let him back into your life on any level.

Echoing other posters who have said he's being controlling and coercive. He's an insecure emotionally abusive knob head.

I hope you can get past the sad and get to the angry. I also hope you have an AMAZING weekend.

He will keep trying to reel you back in.

I'd advise asking him not to contact you again (send this in writing by text/message/email) and then blocking him on everything.

The advice about asking police to do a welfare check if he threatens self harm is because it then can't be used as a tool of emotional manipulation, it puts it into his hands and services who can help him.

If also advise getting a video doorbell if you don't already have one.

Very much disagree with this rather harsh comment. OP is literally asking us for agreement around what DOES constitute (I think that's the word you intended) a healthy relationship, having a clear understanding of the fact that this idiot is presenting her with something that isn't healthy. She's asking us to agree that he is being a dick, and it seems that very nearly everybody definitely does categorically agree. If she had 'no idea', I suspect she'd not be asking.

Agree with all the PPs who’ve said it’s a clear attempt to control you. He’s saved you the hassle of ending things yourself.

Major red flag. Fuck him off. You give into him now, he will get worse. Heading for a life of misery if you stay with him. Please don't.

OP I had one like this - ended when I was 31 after a weekend away with girls too (hen party) - he went mental after seeing a picture of us all on facebook and accused me of similar things. I had wasted 4 years on him and it was insidious, so be thankful he has shown his true colours like this so soon.

i blindsided this guy by dumping and blocking him and never speaking to him again; he still made himself out to be the victim in the situation.

Roll on 7 years later and I am top of my game career wise, have a lovely home and husband and am now pregnant expecting my first. I could honestly never imagine my now husband ever speaking to me like he did.

you have had a very lucky escape,

(my ex ended up marrying a girl with the same name as me (unusal name) and the same career! - fair to say he never got over it)

Definitely block while you are on holiday or he will do his best to ruin it while you’re there by texting you!

Chuck this one back, he’s not worth your time.

OP he is abusive and will just get worse. Break up and don't look back as you deserve better. And have a fabulous time away

Well done on staying resolute OP. The fact you came on here asking for a hand hold rather than a sense check of whether this is normal shows you knew his behaviour wasn't right. Its insidious the way these people get so far before you see the wider pattern. He's an absolute loser.

Enjoy your girls family holiday, I hope its great fun.

Yes, this @Mywindow

Blimey what a pathetic loser. Hope you have a bottle of Champagne on ice for when you get back and realise you're finally free of the twat!

Let me introduce you to the Beyoncélogues by Nina Millin. This is Irreplaceable interpreted by a classical actress as a dramatic monologue.

I think this is the perfect reaction to your now ex-boyfriend.

As so many have said, walk away 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Enjoy your lovely weekend 😊

You'd be well rid. Have a lovely trip!